


in a week

by gracieli



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Field Botanist AU, Fluff, Frottage, Gen, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 64,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26818318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracieli/pseuds/gracieli
Summary: in which Eddie joins the U.S. Forest Service and in the meadows of California, finds the things he thought he lost and the things he thought he'd never have.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 111
Kudos: 209





	1. shasta-trinity

**Author's Note:**

> title from in a week by hozier
> 
> thanks to @elisela and @sunflower_writes for enabling and encouraging me with this one <33

Plants have always been safe to Eddie.

When he was younger, he often found comfort in the large century plant that grew in his Abuela’s backyard. On the days his parents would drop him off at his abuela’s after school, he would curl up with a book and hide behind its broad leaves, feeling protected by the plant that towered over him. 

Other days, she would show him around her garden, teaching him how to tend the fruits and vegetables that thrived under her care. He’d spend hours and days and weeks by her side, eagerly absorbing everything she taught him and sharing in her delight when her flowers would bloom and eventually fruit. 

He doesn’t remember much from his childhood, but those days with her always stood apart from the rest.

His interest eventually carried into the time outside of that which he spent with his abuela. Anytime he would walk down the street with his parents, he would barrage them with questions about whatever trees or flowers or cacti they passed. They would usually just shrug him off, or scold him when he would try to pick flowers from anywhere he could reach, and after a while Eddie learned to keep some things to himself when he was around them. 

Even so, his abuela was the exception. She had always been his safe place, and he never had to be careful about showing too much enthusiasm for the wrong thing around her. She eventually bought him a field botany guide for his eighth birthday and even though a lot of the words didn’t make sense to him yet, he spent hours flipping through the pages until they became worn, committing the flowers to memory with a fierce dedication. He’d spend his recess identifying the flowers in his school’s playground using the field guide, finding comfort in knowing the names of the plants he considered friends. 

When his abuela moved to California a few years later and sold the house and century plant with it, he felt for the first time as if a piece of his safety had been ripped away from him. He eventually learned that while the feeling would become more familiar with time, it never hurt any less. 

A decade later, that feeling became a constant - it circled around him like the thick desert dust that was _everywhere_ , filled his lungs as he choked on it. Over the years he spent fighting a war that seemed to have no end, he learned how to breathe through it, but the terror stayed the same. 

While he was in Afghanistan, he would often stare out into the vast desert and long for the yellows of the damianita daisies that brightened the front yards of his neighbors’ houses, the purples of the texas rangers that lined the porch of his childhood home, the oranges of the firecracker penstemons that grew along one of his favorite trails. 

Most of all, he wished for the soft blues of his son’s bright eyes. All of the colors in Afghanistan were washed out in a haze of dirt and blood and Eddie yearned for _home_. 

And yet, when he was given the opportunity to reenlist at the end of his first tour, Eddie seized it, leaving El Paso and all of its colors behind to run back towards the foreign desert. 

Because while El Paso had once been a place he could easily navigate, a place where he felt comfortable in his skin, it was no longer that. With his son’s diagnosis and his wife’s growing frustration, El Paso became something else. 

Because Eddie didn’t know how to be a good father, didn’t think he could be no matter how hard he tried or how much he wanted to be. And he _wanted_ to be, more than anything, because Christopher deserved everything good in this world, deserved more than Eddie could ever give him. But he knew from the moment he first laid eyes on his child that nothing he ever did would be enough. 

When it came down to it, he realized that he was less afraid of the colorless desert and of all its horrors than he was of ruining his son, and so he stayed away until he couldn’t anymore. 

The first few weeks after his discharge, he would jolt awake and see Shannon’s form curled up on the opposite side of the bed, the space between them an impassable valley. There were so many times he wanted to reach out to her, wanted her to hold him and remind him that he made it out, that he made it back home. 

Eddie never asked, though, and she never offered. 

Instead, when he was ripped from his sleep by another nightmare, he would clamp a hand over his mouth to stifle his choked breaths and retreat to the bathroom, waiting until he knew he was out of earshot before allowing himself to break down. He would spend hours there, trembling under the harsh lighting and struggling to forget the persistent itch of blood caking his hands, or the revolting smell of death that always seemed to linger. 

It was only so effective, but he was managing. As long as he kept his family far away from the ugliness of it all, Eddie considered it a non-problem. 

Of course, there were plenty of other problems that kept piling up, and it didn’t take too long for Shannon to run, leaving nothing but a note on his nightstand. Not that Eddie blamed her, really - he would leave himself if he could, too, and so he didn’t reach out to her, didn’t beg her to come back. 

After she left, he developed new routines. The realization that he was the only parent that Christopher had left eventually sunk in and he understood that he had to get better - for his son’s sake, if nothing else, and that something had to give. 

So when he would wake up gasping for breath and with a flimsy grip on reality, instead of locking himself in the bathroom and turning himself over to the torment of flashbacks as had been his routine, he would go check on Christopher and then allow himself to wander outside to the backyard, where a tall ocotillo grew in the corner. Over time, the plant became a soothing presence, a solid reminder that he had made it home. There weren’t any ocotillos in Afghanistan, and it helped. 

As for everything else, though...Eddie didn’t know. 

The familiar colors of El Paso that he had once loved took on another shape, morphed into something unsettling and depressing. The plants he had considered friends in his youth now only reminded Eddie of how much he had changed from the child who would curl up next to the large leaves of the century plant in his abuela’s backyard, or the boy who would sketch flowers from his field guide in the margins of his notebook during class. 

Everything had been tainted by his time in the army - El Paso and its flowers, his marriage, his relationship with his parents, his peace of mind. The only thing that remained the same was his love for Christopher - if anything, that love grew more and more each day. It seemed to be the only thing that bloomed while everything else within and around Eddie shriveled up and decayed. 

His love for his son was the only thing that anchored him, and so when his parents suggested that Christopher move in with them permanently, something broke within him. 

Realistically, Eddie knew that his parents were probably right. It’s not like he couldn’t see how broken he was. He wasn’t blind to the fact that he was a sorry excuse of a person, of a _father_ , all harsh and jagged edges where Christopher was soft and precious.

But as he sat on the porch in the backyard with his son tucked into his side, looking at the familiar plants that no longer brought him the same joy they once did and listening to his son tell him how much he misses him, Eddie realized that they had both outgrown El Paso. 

The possibility of a better life for him and his son seemed to unfold in front of him, and Eddie latched onto it with everything he had left. 

The next day, he called Shannon. He had known the moment he read her letter the morning after she left that their marriage was over. He broke her - broke _them_ \- and there was no amount of glue that could put the pieces of the people they used to be back together. 

But Chris still asked about her, still missed her. On his worst days, Eddie wonders if he should have just stayed away so that at least Christopher wouldn’t lose his mother, wonders if he was selfish in making it out of the desert that night. But he shelves those thoughts, forces himself to keep moving forward. He can’t change anything that happened but he can make amends, make things right. So he forces himself to place the call, and they talk for hours - about the possibility of them joining her in Los Angeles, about finalizing a divorce, about how exactly they’ll move forward together for Christopher’s sake. 

Early on in his search for jobs in Los Angeles, Eddie browsed the U.S. Forest Service’s website for any openings, considering the possibility of joining a fire engine crew in the Angeles National Forest. Instead, he stumbled upon an opening for a field botany technician.

He felt something click into place when he first saw the listing, but he ignored that initial feeling of rightness to refocus his energy on getting a job that was more practical. But for all that he tried to not think about it and for all that he tried to forget, he couldn’t help but remember the simple childhood joy that came from his love for flowers, couldn’t help but wonder if it was something he could recover, even after all this time. 

And the position seemed decent, honestly. According to the job description, the crew visited a different national forest in California each week, camping out and collecting data from various meadows. They were expected to work 80 hour weeks but they then would have the rest of the following week off, which would give him plenty of time to enjoy the summer break with Christopher. 

So after a week or so of going back and forth, he finally decided to send in his resume and fill out the application form. But even though he did all of this and signed up for a California botany certification course shortly afterwards (just in case, he told himself), he wasn’t expecting to hear back. It wasn’t like he had any prior experience in the field anyway, and he was certain there were more qualified people for the job. 

So when an older man named Bobby reached out to him a few days after he submitted his application and interviewed him over Skype, he was definitely taken aback. He was even more stunned when Bobby called him back a week later and invited him to join their crew as soon as he became certified. 

Everything happened quickly after that - within the span of a month, he completed his certification course, found a house for him and Christopher in Los Angeles, broke the news to his parents about the move (which went about as well as he expected), and finally made the move out to California. He had a few weeks in between their arrival in Los Angeles and his first day with the Forest Service, so he used that time to help Christopher get acclimated to the new city and reacclimated to his mother. 

Overall, things had been going relatively smooth - a lot smoother than Eddie expected, honestly, so it made sense that things would eventually catch up to him. 

He had only arrived at the Forest Service office an hour ago for his first day and he already feels like he might be in over his head. He had only been briefly introduced to everyone on the crew before they began to frantically plan for the week and for the most part, everyone seemed nice enough, if not slightly on edge from the last minute preparations, and the preparations themselves were tedious but nothing too difficult. 

So Eddie really wouldn’t have any complaints if not for the blonde guy shooting him glares from the other side of the office. 

Besides Bobby, who Eddie spoke with in the weeks leading up to today, and the blonde - Buck, who seems to have instantly had some beef with Eddie, the rest of the crew only consists of a woman named Hen and a man everyone calls Chim. Everyone besides Buck welcomed him warmly so he really has no idea what he did to piss the younger man off, but he resolves to keep his distance nevertheless. 

They’re just about finished ironing out the final details for the week when Bobby dictates which teams will be paired up. As Bobby explained to him during his interview and again this morning, a crew of two will usually tackle a different national forest a week, sampling meadows throughout. The whole point was to collect field data for a long-term study to monitor the health of these meadows, and so the same meadows were revisited once a year. 

“Alright, Hen and Chim - you guys can probably knock out the sites in San Bernardino and Buck-” he says, turning to the man in question, “you and Eddie can take Shasta.”

Buck sits up in his seat, already protesting, “Bobby-”

“No, Buck,” Bobby shoots down whatever argument Buck had been preparing, sending him an exasperated yet fond look. 

Buck groans, sinking back into his chair defeatedly, and yeah - that stings a bit. The feeling that grips Eddie is uncomfortably similar to the feeling of being the last kid picked for teams in P.E., and he’s already dreading the rest of the week. He thinks it wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have to spend every waking hour with this guy for the next six days, but considering his luck, he’s completely unsurprised that this is how things worked out. 

Hen and Chim quickly break off to make their own preparations for their trip, which leaves Buck and Eddie to awkwardly do the same. The two of them load the U.S.F.S truck with their gear and bags with barely any words spared between them, and it’s an overall tense affair. Bobby checks in with them briefly, reviewing the game plan for the week before sending them off, and Eddie is newly filled with dread as they pull out of the parking lot of the Forest Service office. 

After ten minutes or so of uncomfortable silence, which Eddie has mostly dealt with by fixing his gaze out the side window and watching the streets and buildings that pass them by, Buck coughs awkwardly before speaking up. 

“Do you mind if I…” Buck trails off, gesturing to the cassette tapes that are sprawled out across the center console. 

Eddie bites, asking, “What is it?”

“ _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ , courtesy of Chim,” Buck explains, “He, uh - he said if I didn’t get through at least the first three books, he’d make me do all the data entry when we get back.”

Eddie sits back in his seat a bit, replying, “Well I wouldn’t want to get in the middle of that, so go ahead.” 

Buck glances at him, his face twisting in uncertainty, “You sure?”

“Yeah. I've never read them either so it’s all good with me.” He doesn’t mention that he would be grateful for practically anything that promised to break up the uncomfortable silence. 

“Okay,” Buck acquiesces, “Thanks.” 

He feeds the tape into the cassette player (and Eddie really has to wonder how old this rig is), and the next few hours pass like that. The atmosphere in the car is still slightly tense, but at least the enthused narrations of Tim Curry lifts the silence. 

When they’re about halfway to Shasta Trinity, Buck pulls off the highway to pull into a gas station, wanting to top off the rig with gas. 

While the truck fills up, Buck runs inside to use the bathroom and Eddie hops out of the car, using the opportunity to stretch his limbs. He’s shaking out his legs when his phone vibrates in his pocket and when he pulls it out, he sees that it’s a FaceTime call from Shannon. 

When he answers, his son’s toothy smile greets him. Though Chris’ face takes up most of the screen, he’s able to glimpse the sand that surrounds him and the blue of the ocean behind him, and he’s completely unsurprised to see that they’re are at the beach - in the few weeks they’ve been in Los Angeles, they’ve spent most of their time exploring the different beaches and trying to find their favorite. So far, Chris seems the most fond of Santa Monica, though Eddie thinks that the rides, games, and funnel cakes might be working in its favor. 

“Hey Superman,” he greets, “What’s up?”

“We’re at the beach!” Chris cheers excitedly. 

“I can see that,” Eddie laughs. “You build any sandcastles today?”

“Uh huh, look,” Chris says proudly as he flips the camera around, showing Eddie the fortress he’s built out of sand. He’s even added a little moat around the castle and even if Eddie didn’t automatically think that everything his son did was incredible, he’d still be impressed.

“Woah, bud - you did that all on your own?” 

Chris shakes his head, “Nooo, I let mom help this time.” 

He can hear Shannon laughing gently in the background. “Well that was very kind of you. I’m sure it made her really happy.” 

“It did! She found some seashells and helped me decorate the castle with them.” 

“Oh, we’re getting fancy now,” he laughs, impressed.

“Yeah! Next time I wanna build one that’s even bigger!”

“Make sure you take a picture for me when you do,” he enthuses.

When he looks up from his phone, he can see Buck walking back towards the rig, carrying a gallon of water and some snacks, so he turns back to his phone and says, “Hey Superman, I gotta go for now but I’ll call you later tonight if I can, okay?” 

“Okay, daddy. I love you,” Christopher beamed.

“Love you too, kiddo,” he smiles, blowing a small kiss to his son with his free hand before he hangs up. 

He pockets his phone and looks over to find Buck glancing at him curiously as he stuffs his purchases in the backseat. 

As he rounds the front of the car, Buck asks casually, “Who was that?”

“My son, Christopher,” he says carefully. 

Buck breaks into an easy grin as they both hop into the car. “No way, you got a kid?”

It’s such a stark contrast to the quiet hostility that Buck had been exuding since Eddie stepped foot in the office at the beginning of the day that it throws him for a moment, but he doesn’t question it too much. 

Instead, he responds, “Yeah, he just turned seven,” and shows Buck his phone background, which is a picture of the two of them at the beach that they had taken just a few days ago. In it, Chris poses proudly by Eddie’s head, which is the only part of his body that Christopher hadn’t buried under sand.

“He’s super adorable,” Buck says, beaming as he starts the rig. “I, uh - I love kids.”

“I love this one. He’s the best.” 

“He seems great,” Buck offers genuinely, his eyes crinkling with a soft smile. The compliment warms Eddie, and he feels the tension within him uncoil just the slightest as Buck pulls out of the gas station and heads back towards the highway. 

“Bobby said you guys were new to LA?”

“Yeah, we moved from El Paso a few weeks ago.”

“Oh, sweet,” Buck says. “How are you guys liking it so far?” 

“A lot, actually. Chris can’t get enough of the beach. He talked us into letting him start surfing lessons next week and it’s all he’s been able to talk about.” 

“Aw man, I’m sure he’s gonna love it.”

“Oh, I know. I was kinda on the fence about it at first ‘cause he’s got CP, but we found a good program for him,” he explains, “Besides, I think it’ll be good for him to be around kids his age.”

“You know,” Buck starts, “Bobby and Hen both have kids around Chris’ age. I’m sure they’d love to set up a playdate or something if you want.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice, actually,” Eddie considers, “Chris doesn’t start school for another few months, and he’s a good kid and all but I think it’s only a matter of time until he gets sick of us.”

“Well I doubt that’s true, but it wouldn’t hurt anyway,” Buck grins. 

Eddie makes a noise of agreement. “So what about you, are you from L.A.?”

Buck’s mouth twitches for a moment but it passes by the time Eddie even notices it. “Pennsylvania,” he counters, “but I moved here...five years ago?” 

Eddie hums before asking, “You been doing this the whole time?”

“Nah, I started up with it a couple of summers ago,” he explains. “I was working with a few different fire engine crews in San Bernardino and Los Padres, but I heard that Bobby was looking to fill a space in his crew and thought I’d try something else out.”

“Well, it seems like a pretty sweet gig,” Eddie says.

Buck’s hands flex against the steering wheel and he beams, "That it is, young grasshopper.” 

“I'm pretty sure I’m older than you, Buck,” Eddie argues.

Buck shushes him before obnoxiously turning the stereo back on, shutting down further arguments. 

* * *

An hour later, they finish the first book and after the concluding words, Buck shuts off the stereo, sinking into his seat and huffing. “Okay, can we talk about how crazy that was?”

“Yeah,” Eddie whistles, “Surprisingly dark for a children’s story.”

Buck flails his hands, “Her uncle was trying to marry her! How would that even be legal?”

“It’s a children’s book, Buck,” Eddie laughs as he reaches into the bag of popcorn Buck bought at the gas station, “I wouldn’t put too much stock into the accuracy of it all.”

Buck shudders, “Ugh, still.” 

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Eddie agrees, popping a piece of popcorn into his mouth casually. 

They both sit in their mutual disgust for a moment before Buck turns towards him and asks, “Ready for book two?”

“Bring it,” Eddie grins, tilting his head towards the stereo, and Buck eagerly obliges.

* * *

They make it to the end of _The Reptile Room_ by the time they make it to their campground, the second book was just as shocking as the first one, if not more. 

“Okay, as if I didn’t hate snakes enough already,” Buck shudders as he makes a displeased noise. 

It’s close to six p.m. and they were lucky to stumble across the site while driving, but it was a relatively large clearing that was conveniently close to the first meadow they planned on visiting the following day.

As Buck hops out of the rig, he sighs, “Man, I don’t know about you but I’m starving. Something about long drives makes me so hungry.”

“Yeah, I could definitely eat,” Eddie agrees. 

“Ugh,” Buck groans, “Okay, let’s just set up camp real quick and then we can get to the good stuff.”

And so while Buck sets his tent up with a practiced ease, Eddie is admittedly a bit more clumsy about it. He had watched several YouTube videos on how to pitch a tent leading up to this week (it wasn’t his fault that his family had never been the camping type) and while they helped, it still was a bit of a struggle. 

Ten or so minutes later after everything’s been set up, the two of them reconvene and review the food they brought for the week, and while Eddie’s basically useless at coming up with recipes on the fly, Buck’s pretty decent at it. For dinner that night, he decides on veggie pasta with some salad, and that sounds more than fine to Eddie. 

“You mind getting the water started for the pasta? I’m gonna go take a leak real quick,” Buck says and Eddie agrees, doing just that while Buck ducks behind a tree to do his business. 

A few minutes later, Buck returns and moves to the table, about to start cutting up some vegetables, when he catches sight of the pot and stalls. 

“Are you sure this is enough water?” Buck frowns. 

And that confuses Eddie, because he made sure to fill the pot to the top. He peers at the pot to double check that he hadn’t gone crazy and imagined filling it - and no, it’s full, so he asks, “What do you mean?”

“I’m joking,” Buck deadpans, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, “How much pasta do you think we’re making?”

And Eddie supposes he _may_ have overcompensated, but he tries to recover, joking, “Hey, better safe than sorry, right?” 

“Mm, whatever you say, Boy Scout.” 

A comfortable silence falls over them while they both work on cutting up vegetables. Eddie’s been assigned to chopping the cloves of garlic, and he already knows the scent is going to linger on his hands for a while. 

Buck’s head is down, focused on dicing some tomatoes, when he interjects awkwardly, “Hey, uh - I’m sorry if I was a bit...prickly with you earlier today.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Buck,” Eddie returns, already waving him off dismissively. It’s obvious how uncomfortable Buck is - his shoulders are hunched as he keeps his head down, the grip on his knife a little too tight, and Eddie wants this to be over already. Confrontation of any sort always made him uneasy, and so he tried to cut it short whenever he could. Even when Shannon tried to apologize for everything after they reunited, he was quick to forgive her and just leave it at that. 

So he’s somewhat surprised when Buck doesn’t take the easy out. 

“No, I do,” Buck counters, sighing, “I was being a dick. It’s just...these people are my family, and I think I might’ve gotten a _bit_ territorial. It’s no excuse though, and I really am sorry.” 

“I get it, Buck - really. No hard feelings. I’m sorry if I stepped on any toes.”

“You didn’t,” Buck is quick to say, “I was just being a bitch.”

Eddie has to laugh at his frankness, and he can feel the last remnants of tension uncoiling within him. “Yeah, I guess you kind of were.” 

Buck laughs, throwing his head back for a moment before protesting, “Hey, it’s only okay when I say it.” 

Eddie smirks, tilting his head as he asks, “And who decided that?”

After that, they fall back into the easy routine of dinner preparation, and it isn’t long before they’re both settled in their chairs with a bowl of food. Eddie makes a noise of appreciation around a mouthful of pasta. “This is pretty good,” he compliments.

Buck hums around his food before swallowing. “I learned everything I know from Bobby. Just wait until he comes out with us sometime - the man is like Gordon Ramsey or something. One time he cooked a whole five course meal out in the middle of Los Padres for Hen’s birthday.”

“And here I am settling for veggie pasta,” Eddie grins cheekily. 

“Hey!”

* * *

After they finish eating, Buck offers to finish cleaning up so that Eddie can call Chris before his bedtime. There’s no service where they set up camp, so Eddie walks towards the main road in hopes of finding some, but he only ends up having to walk five or so minutes before a few signal bars show up. 

He sends a FaceTime request to Shannon, and unsurprisingly his kid is quick to answer. As soon as the call connects and his son’s face brightens his screen, Eddie grins. “Hey, Superman.” 

“Dad!” Christopher greets cheerfully before his brows furrow in confusion, “Why is it so dark?”

“I’m in the middle of the woods, bud. Not a lot of lamps out here,” he says. He did bring a small lantern with him, but it’s not like it made much of a difference anyway. 

“Oh, right,” his son considers, “How was your first day at work?”

“Pretty good,” he answers honestly, “We drove for a long time before we got here, but we set up camp and made some pasta.”

“I want pasta,” Christopher whines, “Mom tried to make pizza but she burned it.” 

He laughs - unfortunately for Chris, neither of his parents were all that gifted in the kitchen. “So what did you guys do for food then?”

“We had salad,” Chris mopes, an adorable frown scrunching up his face.

“Hey, we had salad too. It’s good for you - it’ll make you strong and tall.”

Christopher contemplates that for a moment, nodding, “I wanna be as tall as you, dad.” 

“You’ll get there - you’re already growing by the minute,” Eddie encourages, “So, what else did you guys get up to today? 

“Well, I made a friend at the beach! He’s a year older than me, but he helped me dig to the ocean so my moat could fill up with water.” 

“That sounds like a lot of fun, kiddo,” Eddie laughs, “You’re getting real advanced with those castles.”

Christopher makes an enthusiastic noise of agreement before asking, “What about you, dad? Did you make any new friends today?”

“You know,” he smiles, contemplating, “I think I did.”

* * *

Even though Eddie’s alarm was set for six, the soft morning light seeps through the thin material of his tent and wakes him up around five. His sleeping arrangement isn’t comfortable enough for Eddie to want to return to sleep, so he climbs out of his sleeping bag and pulls on his clothes for the day. 

When he steps out of his tent, he can hear Buck’s soft snores from the opposite site of their campground. Before they went to sleep the night before, they agreed that they would start the day at six, so Eddie figures he has about an hour to kill before he has to do anything else, which he’s grateful for. He’s always appreciated the stillness and peace that the morning brings. He’s been an early riser since he was young, always finding comfort in the quiet moments he could have to himself before the rest of the world woke. 

As he strays from the campground, the smell of fresh pine and the gentle babbling of the creek that’s nearby put him at ease. The gentle crunch of pine needles under his boots pleases him as it fills his ears, and the world boils down to the cadenced movement of his feet and the resulting sound. He walks down to the creek and then along it for some yards until he finds a rock to sit on, and from there he’s able to relax as he watches the water gently spill over the rocks and tracks the small fish as they navigate their way downstream. 

He probably only spends about twenty or so minutes there, but when he returns to their campsite, Buck is already awake and standing at the stove, pouring hot water into a thermos when he notices Eddie. 

“Morning,” Buck calls out gleefully, “You want some coffee?” 

“Please,” Eddie smiles softly. Buck hands him a thermos that had been sitting on the table, which Eddie gratefully accepts. 

As Buck takes a sip from his own mug, he says, “So, I was thinking we could just make some scrambled eggs for breakfast, unless you want something else?”

“Sounds good to me,” Eddie replies, “What can I help out with?”

Buck grins, “I got it handled. You can just sit and look pretty for now.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes, but he admittedly does just that: he grabs one of the field guides from his pack before plopping down in his chair, resolving to brush up on a few species before they head out for the day. Buck leaves him to it, humming softly to himself as he cracks the eggs into the skillet. The background noises and smells are comforting to Eddie, and there's a small part of him that wishes he could stay in this moment for a little while longer. 

* * *

An hour later, after they’ve finished breakfast and did a quick clean up of the campground, they find themselves at the first site of the day. It was a quick drive from their campsite, and the meadow itself is relatively small, a thick band of luscious green pines marking its edge. The bright greens and yellows of the meadow seem especially colorful in the overcast of the early morning. 

It feels worlds away from the deserts Eddie has crossed throughout his life, and something within him settles at the realization. The morning dew still clings to the grasses and sedges, dampening the bottoms of Eddie’s pants as he wades through the vegetation. Buck trails alongside him, clumsily trying to walk through the tall plants while following the map in his hands. 

Buck chimes from his right and points ahead, “Okay, so it looks like they set up the plot just past the fallen pine over there.” 

Eddie nods and they trudge through the thick grass until they reach the large log. Once they set down all of their gear, Buck walks him through the specifics of the protocol and it all seems straightforward enough. They use metal detectors to find the steel rebars that mark the edges of their plot; once they make out the boundaries of the plot, they then extend three 30 meter measuring tapes across the area. Every meter they place a small frame on the ground and record whatever plant species are rooted within the frame. 

Buck reads the first line, stopping every meter to call out plant species as Eddie records them on the field laptop from where he’s sitting in the foldable chair they dragged out with them. It doesn’t take Buck too long, and Eddie volunteers to read the next 30 meter line, feeling like he has a decent grip on the protocol. 

And overall, it’s really not too bad - the meadow is dominated by sedges and goldenrods, so it doesn’t take too long for them to identify and record the species that grow in their plot. The only part that’s tedious is differentiating the sedges, and while there aren’t too many different species, the ones that are present are frustratingly similar in appearance. 

He’s sifting through them, trying to see if there’s any other vegetation hidden in the swath, when the scabrous surface of a sedge leaf catches on his finger and cuts him up. He hisses, pulling his hand away and shaking it. 

Buck calls out to him, sitting up straighter in the chair, “You okay?”

“Yeah, just got caught on one of these. I’m good, though,” he responds. 

He casts his head back down as he continues to look through the rest of the plants, and so he doesn’t notice Buck walking up to him until he’s standing in front of him, extending a pair of gloves towards him.

“Here, take these. It’ll help,” Buck says kindly. 

“Thanks, man,” he returns, feeling slightly caught off guard. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Buck waves Eddie off before dramatically adding, “The sedges are brutal.”

Eddie chokes out a laugh at that before he shoves his fingers through the gloves and returns to the task at hand. 

* * *

By the time they finish reading the plot and collecting soil samples, it’s close to noon. Deeming the meadow a nice enough lunch spot, the two of them settle on the nearby log and pull out their food, and it’s peaceful in a way that feels unfamiliar to Eddie but is welcome all the same. 

The next meadow is about an hour away from the first site and is much...wetter. Eddie cringes at the mud that clings to his boots and the bottom of his pants. He can barely take a step without sinking into the ground, and he’s quietly grateful that this meadow is relatively simple and doesn’t take too long to finish. 

Buck, on the other hand, is less quiet about his displeasure. He groans every time his foot gets stuck in a well of mud, or when he loses his sunglasses in a thicket of sedges, only to find it drenched in sludge a few minutes later. Eddie spares a laugh at his expense, and Buck only manages to glare at him for a moment before dissolving into laughter along with him and kicking up mud in Eddie’s direction as payback.

* * *

Dinner that night is a simple affair: beef tacos and salad. They’re sitting on the hood of the rig as they eat when Buck asks, curiously, “So, what’s Christopher’s thing?”

Eddie takes a bite out of his taco before setting it back on the plate, wiping his mouth with the corner of his sleeve. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t all kids have a thing they’re super into?”

“Oh, yeah,” Eddie smiles, “He loves bugs. He watched a documentary about them and now they’re all the rage.”

Buck snorts, “All the rage? What are you, eighty?”

Eddie glares at him playfully, jabbing Buck lightly in the side with his elbow. “You should learn to respect your elders.” 

“Alright, gramps.” 

The conversation moves on, and Eddie almost forgets about his comment until Buck pretends to hold him steady as he climbs down from the truck, scolding him for being so reckless in his old age. 

* * *

The following work day passed much like the first, and they were able to knock out three sites since they had all been relatively simple. Eddie found that while the protocol itself was pretty repetitive and boring, the ability to explore different meadows and encounter novel plant species more than made up for it. 

They’re wading through the last meadow of the day, slowly making it back to the rig, when Buck calls out, “Hey Eddie, come check it out.” 

Close to where Buck has stopped, there’s a patch of bright orange lilies - their petals refluxed and speckled with brilliant splashes of yellow, as well as small brown dots. 

“Are those-”

“Leopard lilies,” Buck finishes, grinning, “Aren’t they great?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie says, wistfully. It was one thing to study rare wildflowers from an online lecture and an entirely different thing to actually witness their beauty up close. A childlike fascination that had once been so familiar to him overwhelms him, and it feels like returning to something he thought he lost. 

“I’ve only ever seen them a few times, but I don’t think they could ever get old,” Buck smiles, his eyes crinkling. The warm blues of his eyes glimmer in the sunlight, and Eddie doesn’t even realize he’s been staring until Buck finally pulls his gaze away from the flowers to look back at him. 

Buck doesn’t seem to notice, though, and only asks, “You ready to keep going?”

Eddie forces himself to tear his gaze away and nods, shouldering the gear. “Lead the way.” 

* * *

Later that evening while they’re preparing a stir fry for dinner, he gets a text from Bobby, inviting him and Christopher over for a playdate during their off week. 

Eddie grins, holding out his phone for Buck to see. “You know anything about this?”

If Eddie didn’t know any better, he would think that Buck was blushing, but he reasons that they’ve been out in the sun all day and Buck is just naturally flustered. 

“Yeah, I figured I’d go ahead and let him know you were interested,” Buck says before grimacing, “Sorry if I overstepped.”

“You didn’t,” Eddie clarifies, “I appreciate it.” 

And he means it - he’s used to a helping hand always coming with conditions, or an air of condescension, but with Buck...

With Buck, it just feels easy and unassuming, and Eddie didn’t know it _could_ feel like that. 

Buck smiles, small and pleased, before returning to the bell peppers he had been slicing, and Eddie follows his lead, chopping up the last of the mushrooms he had been working on. 

By the time the stir fry is finally ready, both of their stomachs are grumbling in anticipation, and Eddie spares no time in between scooping a decent serving of food onto his plate and digging in. He’s in the middle of shoveling a good forkful of vegetables into his mouth when he notices Buck trembling out of the corner of his eye. He picked up on it last night, but it seems to be even worse now, which makes sense considering the slight drop in temperature. 

And even though he’s dressed in at least three layers, Buck still looks like he’s about to shake out of his skin. There’s a small part of Eddie that wants to wrap his arm around Buck and tuck him into his side, but he quickly squashes that instinct and tries not to put too much thought into it. 

Instead, after another few minutes of Buck’s insistent shivering, Eddie only asks, “Mind if I start a fire? No offense but you look halfway to death and it’ll be good for the mosquitos anyway.”

He doesn’t mention that he’s already applied repellent, which has done a good job on its own at keeping the mosquitos away. 

“Yeah, thanks. I would’ve just done it myself, but I’ve never really been too good at starting fires,” Buck grins, then releases an exaggerated breath. “I think I just got too good at putting them out.”

 _"Or_ you just lack basic survival skills,” Eddie retorts as he pushes himself out of his chair. 

Buck raises an eyebrow up at Eddie, “You know, that’s a lot of smack talk coming from someone who can barely boil water.”

Eddie makes a noise of consideration and clicks his tongue, smirking. “It’s like you _don’t_ want me to make a fire.”

Buck holds his hands up defensively, arguing, “Hey come on, you started this. I was merely defending my honor.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “The only reason I won’t leave you here to freeze is because I really don’t feel like doing the whole protocol on my own if you die of hypothermia.”

“That is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” Buck jokes, “You really know how to woo a guy, Eddie.”

“Only hypothermia prone idiots, it seems,” Eddie counters. 

Buck picks up a branch that’s close to him and tosses it to Eddie, teasing, “Lots of talk but no action.” 

Eddie barks out a laugh but follows through anyway. Luckily, there was a firepit at this campground, and it only takes him a few minutes to get the fire started once he gathers enough branches. Once the fire seems large enough, Eddie collapses back into his chair and grabs his plate again, eager to return to his meal. 

The younger man groans in relief, and Eddie watches as he scooches himself closer to the fire and seems to melt, the tension visibly seeping from his form. 

Eddie teases, “Why are you so cold anyway? Aren’t you from the east coast?” 

Buck snorts, “Yeah, why do you think I moved to California?” 

Eddie chuckles, stabbing at a piece of lettuce. “Fair enough.”

“Speaking of,” Buck says, swallows around a mouthful of food, “What brought _you_ out to California?” 

And Eddie’s not dumb. He knew when he moved to Los Angeles that people would ask him that, but he hadn’t gotten around to finding an easy way to explain it all that didn’t make the familiar shame coil in his gut.

Buck must pick up on his hesitation because he’s quick to add, “If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s cool. I didn’t mean to pry or anything.” 

“No, it’s not-” he cuts himself off, taking a breath, “It’s not a big deal. Christopher’s mom - my ex, she moved out here a few years ago. It wasn't something we really planned, and we didn’t talk for a while after she left, but...I don’t know, Chris missed her and El Paso wasn’t great for us anyway, so we decided to come out here.”

Buck releases a soft breath, leaning back and extending his arms behind him to support his weight. “I don’t know, man, that all kinda sounds like a big deal to me.”

And obviously Eddie wouldn’t call the last few years pleasant, but when he thinks about the soldiers he left behind in the desert, the ones he couldn’t save and who would never get to see their families again, it’s nothing. 

Buck’s empathy is soft, and compassionate, and too much for someone like Eddie. It feels wrong and more than undeserved, and he feels like he needs to deflect the warmth of it all from himself.

Eddie runs a hand through his hair and looks off to the side, sighing. “It’s nothing I didn’t really have coming.”

It’s silent for a moment, nothing but the crackle of the fire and the low hum of cicadas filling the space, but after a moment, Buck clears his throat. 

"Look, you don't have to explain anything to me that you don't want to, but we all make mistakes,” he exhales, “Either way, it seems like you're trying to do the right thing now. That counts for something, right?”

However well-intentioned it might be, the compassion makes Eddie uncomfortable, and he sinks back into his chair. "Yeah, I'm trying," he says off-handedly, grimacing, "Not sure how much good I'm actually doing."

“I’m sure it’s more than you think. You’re a good person, Eddie,” Buck insists gently. Even in the low light of the fire, he can see how Buck’s eyes shine with a soft determination that confuses Eddie. 

“You barely know me,” Eddie challenges lightly, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Well, I don’t think I would’ve gotten so bent out of shape that first day if you were a dick, as dumb as that sounds,” Buck laughs gently before his face softens with sincerity, “But besides that, it’s obvious how much you love your kid, and how you’d do anything for him. Give yourself some credit, man.” 

He stands up at that, presumably to wash his plate, but as he passes Eddie, he lightly grips his shoulder, squeezing gently. The moment passes and he walks away, and Eddie...Eddie doesn’t know what to do with that. 

* * *

The next morning is pleasant. It’s still early enough that it hasn’t become uncomfortably hot yet, and rays of light filter through the patches of pine trees that surround them, casting a soft glow on their first meadow of the day. 

California pitcher plants litter the meadow, and they’re strangely endearing to Eddie. The abundance of the carnivorous plants give the appearance of a bunch of snakes standing upright, and their translucent, inflated leaves shine in the sunlight. 

“Kinda freaky looking, huh,” Buck comments as he walks towards Eddie, drawing one of the measuring tapes across the plot as he does. 

“You scared?” Eddie teases. 

“Ha ha,” Buck rolls his eyes before shoving his shoulder gently, pushing Eddie forward. “Come on, you’re reading the first line.”

* * *

“We’re lost, aren’t we?”

Buck glances at him, tearing himself away from the large map that’s spread across his lap. They’ve been wandering around (aimlessly, if you asked Eddie) for the last half hour and didn’t seem to be any closer to finding their second and final site of the day. Frustrated, Buck had dropped his equipment for a moment and perched himself on a log to regroup and figure out where they were. 

“Okay well, that depends on how you look at it,” Buck huffs.

“Okay,” Eddie says, lowering himself to sit besides Buck, “So how are you looking at it?”

Buck’s mouth scrunches up. “As an opportunity for adventure?” 

“I’m pretty sure we’ve walked past this tree twice already, Buck.”

“Yeah, we definitely have,” Buck concedes before groaning, throwing his head back in exasperation, “It says that we’re close on the GPS but we’re nowhere near a meadow, so I don’t get it.” 

“Haven’t you been to most of these sites before?”

“It’s not like I have a photographic memory,” Buck pouts, “Besides, all of these places start to blend together after a while.” 

Eddie sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I guess it doesn’t help that we’re also going off of a twenty year old map.”

“It’s definitely the map’s fault,” Buck is quick to agree before he mumbles, “Stupid map.”

Eddie chuckles at Buck’s expense before reaching a hand out towards him. “Mind if I take a look?”

“Ugh, go for it. Don’t know how much good it’ll do, though,” he says, passing the map over to Eddie. 

* * *

It turns out that it wasn’t the map’s fault.

“Ok, but it showed that we were close on the GPS! How was I supposed to know?”

“Weren’t you just complaining yesterday about how shoddy the GPS is?”

“No one asked, Eddie,” he groans, rolling his eyes good-naturedly before stalking off with the metal detector to find the rebar of the plot.

* * *

The next morning when he wakes up and steps out of his tent, he can still hear the sound of Buck’s snores and figures he has enough time to go on a short walk before Buck wakes. A part of him mourns that his walks have been increasingly cut short every day since Buck has been waking up earlier and earlier, but Eddie’s never really been one to waste time if it could be helped. 

When he returns from his walk, Buck is standing at the stove like always and Eddie’s thermos is already waiting for him on the table, the familiar aroma of coffee permeating the cool morning air.

“I wasn’t even gone for ten minutes,” Eddie states disbelievingly as he walks towards the table.

“My morning routine is incredibly efficient,” Buck jokes offhandedly. 

Eddie raises an eyebrow but says nothing else. He moves around the table and the cooler, preparing his simple breakfast of yogurt and fruit. Buck follows his lead, starting to slice some fruit for his own breakfast. A companionable silence falls over them until Buck speaks up. 

“You know, you can take your walks for as long as you want,” Buck starts, “I, uh - I noticed they’ve been getting shorter every day. It’s just...we have the whole day to do our work, so it’s not like ten or twenty minutes is gonna make a huge dent.” 

“Oh,” Eddie exhales, “Thanks. If you’re ever up and wanna tag along, too, feel free.”

He surprises himself with how genuine the offer was. While he did cherish the quiet peace of his morning walks, he finds that he really wouldn’t mind Buck joining him. 

Which is odd - Eddie would have assumed that he would be desperate for the solitude of the walks after spending every waking hour with someone else, but he realizes that he likes being around Buck, more than he likes being around most people. If anything, the thought of Buck accompanying him in those moments only kindles a small flare of warmth in his chest. 

“I might take you up on that sometime,” Buck smiles, “Thanks.” 

* * *

Later that day, they’re reading a plot and when they reach the end of one of their lines, they find a huge patch of shooting star flowers.

Buck whistles, “Man, I don’t think I’ve seen so many of them in one place before.”

And it really is a decent amount of them - there are probably at least thirty shooting stars clumped together, the bright pinks of their petals standing tall in the meadow of grasses and sedges, a bright and brilliant contrast.

“I think these have gotta be one of my favorites,” Buck contemplates, pulling out his phone to take a few pictures, and Eddie hums appreciatively as he takes his own phone out to do the same. The pictures he takes are admittedly pretty mediocre, but he supposes that it’s better than nothing. 

“So, what about you?” Buck turns back to him once he’s done, smiling, “You got a favorite flower?”

Eddie stands, brushing off the knees of his pants. “Is that a thing?”

“Of course it’s a thing. You gotta have one,” Buck huffs out. 

“Well, I don’t think I do. Not yet, at least.”

“Well then, it is now my personal mission to help you figure it out. Every botanist has to have one, and so by the end of the season, you - Eduardo Diaz, will have a favorite flower.”

Eddie only retorts, “It’s Edmundo, dummy.”

“Okay, _Edmundo,_ ” Buck swats him playfully, “Get back to work.” 

* * *

Later that afternoon, they drive back down to the base of the forest to fill up the rig with gas, and Eddie intends to take advantage of the rare opportunity to use a legitimate restroom and soap. He’s just about to jump out of the car before Buck stops him. “Wait.” 

Eddie turns back towards him just as Buck reaches out a hand to swipe against Eddie’s cheek. His touch is firm and warm as his thumb rubs against Eddie’s skin, and Eddie has to stop himself from leaning into it. 

Something akin to embarrassment crosses over Buck’s face, and he’s quick to let his hand fall, stammering out, “You, uh - had some dirt on your face.”

Eddie hates the way his heart pounds heavily in his chest but he tries to play it off, patting Buck’s shoulder and grinning shakily, “Thanks, man.” 

Even as he’s washing up in the bathroom, he can still feel the impression of Buck’s touch against his skin, and he starts to think that he might be screwed. 

* * *

The rest of the day is spent driving further east towards the last site they needed to knock out for the trip. The plan was to hopefully find a campground that was close enough to the plot and call it a night, then head out to the meadow early the next day and wrap everything up. Ideally, if they could finish their work sometime in the late morning, they could spend the rest of the day driving back down to Los Angeles and make it back home sometime in the evening. 

By the time they find an appropriate clearing to camp out in, they’ve already made it through the cassette of _The Wide Window_ , and as much as Eddie has surprisingly enjoyed the series so far, he’s still shocked that actual children read it. 

“Well, that puts three books under our belt,” Eddie says, “Looks like you’ve escaped data entry duty this week.”

Buck groans in relief, “Thank _God_. I really owe you one, man.” 

Eddie snorts, “You’re fine. I liked them all, anyway.”

Buck looks at him, his eyes glinting in something akin to mischief. “So you _wouldn’t_ be opposed to starting the next book tomorrow?”

“Hm,” Eddie pretends to consider, smirking, “Can’t say I would be.”

* * *

The next morning, they try to make quick work of their final site, which is difficult considering how exhausted Buck is. His movements are slow and sluggish, and while it usually takes him no time to identify plant species, he’s a beat behind today.

It takes them about three hours to finish up, and luckily it’s not a long trek back to the rig. When they’re a couple yards away from the truck, Buck barely manages to stifle an obvious yawn with the back of his hand and Eddie just raises an eyebrow at him questioningly. 

Buck sighs tiredly, “Yeah, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was trying out a new podcast to fall asleep to but then I just ended up getting sucked in.”

“Sounds like poor life choices,” Eddie teases.

“Tell me about it,” Buck groans, “But, if I’m able to get my phone hooked up to the stereo later, we should definitely give it a listen. You’d like it.” 

“Yeah, sounds good,” Eddie agrees. 

They finally make it back to the main road, and Buck starts to round the rig towards the driver’s side. “Alright,” he cheers, clapping his hands together halfheartedly, “back home we go.”

Eddie follows him closely and scoffs, “Buck, you look dead on your feet. Let me drive.”

Buck glances at him uncertainly, and brows furrow slightly. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, man,” he adds, extending a hand to reach for the keys. Buck drops his shoulders and relents easily, releasing a small sigh of relief as he drops the keys into Eddie’s palm and makes his way towards the passenger’s side. 

Which was definitely a good call, because the moment that Eddie peels onto the highway, Buck is dead to the world. After a few minutes, his head falls onto his shoulder and his eyes slide close. Eddie glances at him, taking in the gentle flutter of his eyelashes against his skin and the way his features soften in his sleep. 

He’s used to the Buck that thrums with energy, but he thinks Buck is beautiful like this, too. 

And at that thought, Eddie abruptly switches on the radio, lowering the volume so as not to disturb Buck, and fixes his gaze solely on the stretch of highway ahead of him. 

He was well past the point of denying that he might be attracted to Buck, but he figures that it doesn't have to mean anything. It couldn't, frankly. The hope that he could be in a happy, stable relationship left with Shannon that morning years ago in El Paso, and he knew better. 

Eddie knew he wasn’t built for that, and he wouldn’t do to another person what he did to her, so as much as he wants to indulge himself in fantasies of him and Buck together, wants to allow himself to bask in daydreams of falling asleep and waking up next to Buck, he can’t. 

As the landscapes of California unfold before him, he resolves to get a grip on his feelings for Buck. There was nothing in his life that he hadn’t been able to manage with self-control and discipline, and he determines that this won’t be any different. 

* * *

They make it back to Los Angeles around seven at night, and they’re both drained from the drive, barely moving on their feet as they unload the rig. Even though Buck woke up a couple of hours into the drive and insisted on taking over, the long trip still left Eddie exhausted. 

They’re heading back to the parking lot after hauling the last of the gear into the office when Eddie casually asks, “So, you got any plans for your week off?”

“Nope,” Buck says emphatically, stretching his arms above his head, “I’ll probably just annoy my sister for a bit, if anything.”

“Well,” Eddie starts, unsure, “If you’re not doing anything, I think Bobby wanted to make the playdate for Wednesday, if you wanna come.”

Buck’s eyes widen, and he seems to stall for a moment before he asks, “Really?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Okay, then - yeah,” Buck says, exhaling as he breaks into a loose smile, “I’ll be there.” 

“Okay, good,” Eddie returns, nodding slightly as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Well, uh - I guess I’ll see you then?”

“Guess you will,” Buck grins, reaching out to pat Eddie’s chest. “Try not to miss me too much till then.” 

He jots off towards his car, and Eddie’s torn between celebrating and bashing his head against the wall. 

So much for self-control. 


	2. los angeles

His first off week was...nice, so far. 

It was new to Eddie, having so much time to spare. The whole day stretched ahead of him, and all of its hours were his to spend however he wanted. 

And what he wanted was to spend each of those hours with his son. 

In El Paso, there was never enough time. Nothing was enough, there, and he always felt as if he was doing the wrong thing. If he pulled two shifts a day, it wasn’t enough because he still missed Christopher’s field trip to the Museum of History, the holiday potluck his school hosted, his cousin’s birthday party. 

Eddie may have made it back home after everything, but he still wasn’t _there_ , not how he wanted to be. 

He still remembers how he would get home late at night after a shift, always to his parents waiting for him in the living room, both of their faces stony with disappointment. 

They’d greet him the same, every time. _Christopher missed you today_ or _you should have been there_.

It’s hard for him to remember much from those few years, but the guilt stays with him, even now. 

His son never said anything about it to him, though, not until they sat together on the back porch and Christopher whispered _I miss you all the time_ , and Eddie latched onto the hope that things could be different for them. 

And Los Angeles _was_ different. 

Here, he could spend whole days with his son, unworried about having to cut whatever activity they were doing short because he needed to rush to another shift. It was a relief, one Eddie didn’t think could be possible. 

The first day after he came back from Shasta-Trinity, he took Christopher over to Abuela’s, where they spent the day making tamales as her music played softly in the background. They were the same songs from Eddie’s childhood, and the familiar melodies floated around the room and filled Eddie with a certain warmth. Even though Eddie had only been in her kitchen a handful of times since moving to Los Angeles, it felt more like home than El Paso had in the last ten years. 

On Tuesday, they found themselves at the beach for Christopher’s first surfing lesson, and Eddie would be lying if he said he wasn’t anxious about it. Shannon teased him about it, but he didn’t miss the way her hands wrung together as the instructor led Christopher away from the shore on his surfboard. 

It didn’t last long, though. It was hard to hold onto when their son’s shrieks of joys carried across the beach, lifting the tension as he gleefully rode the waves with the help of his instructor. 

The lesson was an hour long and as soon as Chris made it back to where Eddie and Shannon sat, he was already gushing about the lesson scheduled for the following week. 

* * *

The following day was Wednesday, the day he and Bobby had agreed on for a playdate, and while Christopher had no anxiety about making new friends, Eddie couldn’t say the same. Bobby had let him know that Hen was going to be there with her son, Denny, and that Chim had invited himself along when he heard that Buck would also be there. 

He had only talked with Hen and Chim briefly before they went their separate ways last week and they seemed more than friendly, but Eddie felt a bit...out of practice with making friends. It turned out to be easy with Buck once they got past the initial roadblock, but Buck saw the best in everyone, even him. There was a part of him that was worried it was a fluke, but he tried not to put too much energy into the thought. 

Instead, he poured that energy into picking out pan dulce to bring to Bobby’s. He spent more time than he’d care to admit staring down the bakery aisle, agonizing over which type to bring before he decided just to get two of nearly everything. Christopher cheered him on as he stuffed the bag with sweet pastries, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head in excitement. 

Bobby’s house was about a half hour from his place, but before Eddie drove over, he swung by Buck’s place to pick him up. Buck had texted him yesterday to see if Eddie could give him a lift since his Jeep was in the shop and seeing that it was relatively on the way, Eddie agreed. 

When he pulls up to Buck’s apartment complex, Buck is already waiting for them on the sidewalk, bouncing on his heels. He’s wearing dark wash jeans and a white pullover, and Eddie can’t help but feel it’s unfair how good he looks. 

He quickly recognizes Eddie’s truck and waves him over, grinning. As Eddie pulls over to the curb, Buck jots up to the car and opens the passenger door. 

“Hey, thanks for picking me up,” Buck greets excitedly as he slides into the passenger seat. The pleasant smell of his body wash, earthy and herbal, drifts into the truck and Eddie can’t help but notice the way his cheeks are flushed from the heat and how his hair is slightly damp, the blonde strands curling adorably at the ends. Eddie resists the urge to run his hands through those curls, just flexes his fingers against the steering wheel instead. 

Eddie smiles in a way he prays is casual and responds, “No problem.” 

If Buck notices anything, he doesn’t show it. He just beams at Eddie before twisting in his seat to face the backseat, where Chris was. “And who’s this?”

“Buck, this is Christopher,” Eddie interjects, “Christopher, this is Buck.” 

Buck’s eyes widen dramatically as he smiles even wider, “Christopher? As in _the_ Christopher?” 

Chris giggles, his face breaking into a toothy grin as he nods. Buck snakes a hand into the backseat, extending it for Chris to shake. “It’s so nice to meet you, Chris. Your dad told me so much about you.” 

Chris grabs onto his hand, shaking it eagerly. “Are you my dad’s friend?” 

“Yeah! Your dad is _so_ cool,” Buck says earnestly, grinning as he glances over at Eddie. 

Eddie rolls his eyes good-naturedly, even though he can feel his cheeks warm at the compliment. Christopher doesn’t pick up on anything, though, just nods adamantly and chirps, “Yesterday, he took me surfing!”

“No way. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, it was totally tu-tubular,” he says, loosely forming his hand into the “hang-loose” sign which he learned from his instructor yesterday. 

At that, Buck and Eddie break into laughter and Christopher joins in, his giggles the sweetest sound to Eddie. Through his laughter, Buck praises, “You’re a legit Californian now, Chris. You got the slang down and everything,” and Christopher positively gleams with pride. 

* * *

When they get to Bobby’s house, the older man guides the three of them to the backyard, where everyone else was waiting for them. Eddie is immediately greeted by the sound of children’s laughter, and he quickly notices two children playing on the grass while Hen and Chim sit at the table around some food. 

The adults greet them warmly, getting up from their seats to hug both him and Buck, and to introduce themselves to Chris. The kids - Denny and Harry - rush up to them as well, eager to involve Christopher in their game. 

As they start to move back to the table to sit down again, Hen raises her eyebrow in Eddie’s direction, gesturing towards the grocery bag that Eddie brought in with him. “Whatcha got in there?”

“Oh, I brought some pan dulce for you guys, if you want,” Eddie says. 

Buck leans forward, peaking in the bag curiously once Eddie sets it on the table, “Ooh, what’s that?”

Chim looks at Buck disbelievingly. “Buck, you’ve lived in L.A. for how long now and you’ve never heard of pan dulce?”

Buck’s brows furrow. “No?” 

Everyone at the table rolls their eyes fondly at his obliviousness, and Hen mutters a teasing “Hopeless,” as she shakes her head. 

Buck sticks his tongue out at Hen petulantly before turning to Eddie. “Eddie, which one should I try?”

Eddie thinks on it for a moment before deciding on his personal favorite: concha de chocolate. He grabs two from the bag and hands one over to Buck with a dry “Bon appetit.” 

While he picks at his own concha, he watches as Buck takes a bite of the pastry and groans, his eyes sliding shut in satisfaction as he tilts his head back. “How have I lived twenty seven years without this?” 

“Mm, better late than never,” Eddie shrugs, quietly pleased at Buck’s reaction. 

Hen laughs kindly as she sifts through the bag, picking out an oreja before leaning back in her chair. “So Eddie, how did your first week go?” 

“Pretty good,” Eddie replies, swallowing down a bite of pastry, “There was a bit of a learning curve since I’ve only been camping once before this, but it wasn’t anything too bad.” 

“That’s more than we can say for our first week,” Chim snorts, gesturing between him and Hen. 

“Tell me about it,” Hen muses, “As long as you didn’t accidentally attract a bear to your campsite _twice_ , I think you’ve got us beat.”

Eddie blinks slowly. “Twice?” 

“Yeah, that was definitely memorable,” Bobby chuckles with an air of nonchalance before redirecting his attention towards Eddie, “So besides that, was everything else smooth sailing?”

“For the most part,” Eddie responds before glancing at Buck, smirking playfully, “Though, we did get lost for an hour because Buck misread the map.”

Buck lowers the concha from his mouth and stares at Eddie in mock betrayal, “Et tu, Brutal?” 

“It’s Brute, smartass,” Eddie quips. 

Chim laughs dryly, “Sorry, we should have warned you. We never really let Buckaroo here take charge of the directions.”

“Hey!” Buck protests weakly, “I’m really not that bad.”

Hen glares him down as she takes a sip of her drink, “Do I have to remind you about Red Creek?”

“Oh, come on, that was my first trip out! Give me a break,” Buck groans, sinking into his chair. 

Eddie grins mischievously as he folds his hands on top of the table and turns to Hen. “You know, I would _love_ to hear about Red Creek.”

Buck sits right back up, his head spinning to face Hen, “No, we don’t answer to newbies, right, Hen?”

“I don’t know about that, Buck” Hen responds teasingly.

“Why are we even hazing me, anyway?” Buck whines, “Eddie’s the new guy, let’s haze him.”

“Buck, behave,” Bobby admonishes fondly. 

Buck steadfastly ignores Bobby, instead gesturing wildly towards Eddie, “Eddie can’t cook! Let’s make fun of him for that.” 

Hen pretends to swat at Buck before turning back to Eddie and beginning, “So, Red Creek.” 

* * *

They stay for a couple of hours until the sun starts to set, casting soft oranges and pinks across the sky, and the mosquitoes begin to bite at their legs. As they say their goodbyes, they make plans for another hang-out sometime during their next off week, and Eddie feels light with relief over how well the afternoon went. It had been so long since he had friendships outside of the army, friendships that weren’t burdened by the weight of duty and death, and Eddie forgot how easy it all could be. 

There’s a lightness in his step as the three of them make their way back to his truck, and he’s basking in the warm evening air when Christopher interjects, “Hey, dad?”

Eddie glances down at him, “Yeah, bud?” 

“Can we get ice cream?” 

“I don’t know, bud,” Eddie hesitates. His bedtime wasn’t too far off, and Chris had already had enough sugar for the day with the pan dulce he ate. 

Christopher’s bottom lip curls out pleadingly as he begs, “ _Please_?”

“Yeah, Eddie, _please_?” Buck playfully whines, exaggeratedly batting his eyelashes at Eddie. 

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, “Aren’t you supposed to be an adult?”

“I _am_ an adult, just one who happens to be very passionate about ice cream,” Buck argues. 

* * *

The fact that they’re at a Baskin Robbins only ten minutes later is something that comes as no surprise to Eddie.

As they’re waiting in line, Buck bends closer to Christopher and enthusiastically asks, “Okay Chris, you gotta tell me - what’s your favorite flavor?”

“Rocky road,” Chris answers definitively. 

“A kid with taste,” Buck grins, “I was worried you were gonna say something like pistachio.”

Chris scrunches his face up in disgust and shakes his head adamantly. 

“See, you get it. It shouldn’t even be a flavor,” Buck chuckles, before turning to Eddie, “Okay, what about you? What’s your go-to?” 

“Pistachio,” Eddie deadpans. 

Buck stares at him, stricken. “You’re joking, right?” 

“No, it’s good,” Eddie says, “I’m sorry I don’t have the palate of a child.” 

Buck just shakes his head in disbelief, “How’d I become friends with a guy who likes pistachio ice cream? Chris, how do you live with this maniac?” 

“He doesn’t like rocky road so I never have to share my ice cream with him,” Chris offers, a sly smile lighting up his expression. 

Eddie laughs, shaking his head, “So that’s the only reason you keep me around, huh?” 

Christopher nods in mock seriousness but doesn’t keep up the bit for too long, bursting into giggles only a few moments later. 

* * *

A half hour later, their ice cream’s been devoured and Christopher is knocked out in the backseat of the car, exhausted from the long day and the sugar crash. Thankfully, Buck’s place is a short drive and it’s not long before they’re pulling up to his apartment complex. 

Reluctantly, Eddie parks the car - for all that he wants to go home and get Christopher settled in bed, there’s a small part of him that doesn’t want to say goodnight to Buck. They sit in the dark for a moment, wrapped in a comfortable silence, before Buck speaks up. 

“This was fun,” Buck says, and even in the low light of the car, Eddie can make out his soft smile. “Thanks for letting me tag along.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie returns easily, “Chris seems to really like you.” 

“The feeling’s mutual,” Buck says fondly, “You’ve got an amazing kid, Eddie.” 

He can feel the corners of his mouth tugging upwards as he glances into the backseat. Christopher’s head is tipped towards his shoulder, his glasses adorably askew on his head, and a fierce love swells in his chest at the sight. 

“Yeah, that would be his mother’s doing,” he contemplates warmly. 

Buck shrugs offhandedly, “I don’t know, I see a lot of similarities between you and him.” 

Eddie’s face scrunches up in confusion. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Buck replies, gentle but firm.

Eddie always thought of his son as an adorable alien; Christopher was so different from him, which Eddie had always been grateful for. Chris was bright, fearless, and affectionate, while Eddie-

-Eddie was none of those things. 

Or so he thought, but Buck recognizes how incredible his son is, sees all these things in Christopher...and somehow sees them in Eddie, too.

Buck unfastens his seatbelt, glancing over at Eddie again, “I should head in, but I’ll see you Monday, yeah?” 

“Yeah, see you then,” Eddie says slowly, still stunned, as Buck hops out of the car. 

“Looking forward to it,” Buck grins, waving one last time before shutting the passenger door. 

And then he’s gone, and Eddie has no idea what to do with _any_ of that. 

  
  



	3. stanislaus

Eddie’s second full week on the job starts much like his first week had, except this time around, he has a better understanding of just what it is they’re doing. It also helps that there isn’t a broody coworker glaring at him from across the room this time around, too. 

Instead, Buck is pressed up against him as they lean over a map of Stanislaus National Forest, which is where they’ve been assigned this week. They’re in the middle of plotting out all the meadows they need to visit and planning their week out accordingly, which would be all good and fine if Eddie wasn’t distracted by the firm presence of Buck against his side, a comfortable warmth spreading from every point of connection.

Despite Eddie's hopeless attraction to his coworker, they eventually iron out the rest of the details, and it isn’t long before they’re loading up the rig and bidding farewell to Los Angeles for the week, gleefully rolling the windows down once they peel onto the highway. 

* * *

They’re only a few hours into the road trip when they finish the fourth book of _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ , which had been just as dim as the previous three books. 

“Okay, I get the whole premise is, you know....a series of unfortunate events, but can they really _never_ catch a break?” 

Eddie tries halfheartedly, “Maybe in the next book?”

Buck snorts, “I doubt it.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he concedes, shrugging. As he pops the cassette out of the player, he adds, “We’re really flying through these.”

“Yeah, we’ll definitely finish the series by the end of the field season,” Buck replies, “Did you wanna move on to the next one or take a break?”

Eddie considers it for a moment before answering, “Let's take a break, at least for a bit.” 

“Sounds good to me,” Buck agrees before asking, “You wanna try your hand at a riddle?”

Eddie frowns, “I’m not a huge riddle person.” 

“This one’s easy, I promise.” 

“I don’t know,” Eddie says.

Buck pouts, “Come on, _please_?” 

Eddie groans, his head falling backwards in a feigned exasperation, “Fine.” 

“You’re gonna love it. Okay, so I’m setting up a picnic and I’m bringing a bunch of stuff for it, but first I have to pass through a magical green glass door. _However_ ,” he emphasizes dramatically, “only certain things can get through the door. For example, I can bring cookies, but I can’t bring cake, and I can bring Shannon, but I can’t bring Christopher.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, “Can you bring me?” 

“I can, actually, but I can’t bring myself.” 

Eddie grimaces exaggeratedly in pseudo sympathy, “Guess you didn’t make the cut.” 

“Hey, neither did Christopher,” Buck whines, nudging him in the side. “Okay, I’ll keep the ball rolling. I can bring an apple but I can’t bring a banana.”

“Can I bring a strawberry?”

“Yes, you may. Uh, let’s see...I can bring a spoon, but I can’t bring a fork.” 

“Buck, this makes no sense,” he groans, “Can I bring a spatula?”

“Nope,” Buck says cheerfully. 

Eddie tries, “Can I bring a knife?” 

Buck shakes his head and hums a little _nuh-uh_. 

“A spork?”

“Maybe move on from the utensils, Eds,” Buck suggests. 

It goes on like that for the next half hour, with Eddie throwing out guesses and Buck gleefully shutting the majority of them down. There seems to be absolutely no reason to any of it and Eddie isn’t entirely convinced that Buck is just fucking around with him. In fact, Eddie actually did ask a few times if that was the case, but Buck swore up and down that there was a solution. 

At some point, fed up and needing a different approach, Eddie twists in his seat to reach his bag in the backseat.

Buck glances at him, his eyes squinting in confusion as he looks between Eddie and the road. “What are you doing?”

Eddie fishes through his bag and pulls out his field notebook, holding it up for Buck to see. “I’m gonna start writing down what I can bring.”

Buck gawks at him, spluttering, “That’s cheating!” 

“How so?”

“It just is,” Buck insists, his brows furrowing in a way that Eddie hates to admit is adorable. 

“Well, considering you didn’t establish clear rules, there’s nothing illegal about me writing them down.”

“You’re a buzzkill, dude,” Buck says, shaking his head, “A total buzzkill.”

“You just like having all the power of knowing the secret,” Eddie retorts. 

Buck feigns confusion, remarking dryly, “That doesn’t sound like me.”

Eddie sighs exaggeratedly, “I don’t know, you know what they say. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” 

“Okay, Plato,” Buck rolls his eyes.

Eddie laughs, “Yeah, I don’t think that was him.” 

“Ugh, you know what? Fine,” Buck says petulantly, “Write all you want, but I’m not offering up anything anymore.”

“Fine,” Eddie acquiesces before continuing, “So can I bring a cat?”

“No.”

“A puppy?”

His face scrunches up irritatedly and he hesitates before answering, “Yes.”

They go back and forth for a little while longer, and it’s not too long before Eddie figures it out - objects with a double letter in its name can make it past the green glass door. After that, Eddie has his own fun with Buck before he lets on that he knows the solution. 

“So I can bring Bobby, right?” 

“Yep,” Buck replies shortly. 

“And Henrietta?” 

Buck just glares at him, finally catching on and entirely unamused.

“And just double checking, but I definitely can’t bring Evan Buckley,” Eddie continues, smirking. 

“Chris, Chim, and I will have our own _superior_ picnic without you losers.” 

* * *

At some point, they dig out the cassette for the next book in _A Series of Unfortunate Events._ This time, they orphans find themselves at boarding school and unsurprisingly in another sticky situation, this time involving an unhelpful narcissist of a vice principal and Count Olaf disguised as their physical education coach. 

When the tape switches to another chapter, Buck reaches over to pause it. “So, what are we thinking for dinner?” 

“It’s 3 pm, Buck.”

“Can’t a guy be forward thinking?” 

“I guess,” Eddie rolls his eyes good-naturedly before saying, “I brought some tamales if that sounds good to you.” 

Buck enthuses, “You brought tamales?” 

“Yeah - Chris and I made a bunch with my abuela last week,” Eddie explains. 

“Ah, so you _can_ cook,” Buck grins. 

“Under careful supervision, apparently,” Eddie laughs before continuing, “Nah, but I grew up making them with her. They’re one of the few things I can make, even though they’re a pain in the ass.” 

Buck glances over at him, his eyes squinting in curiosity. “How hard is it?” 

“It's not, really - it just takes a lot of time.”

Buck groans impatiently a moment later, “Okay, but now I’m starving. Why’d you have to tell me about the tamales when we’re still a couple of hours out?"

“You were the one who asked about dinner,” Eddie counters, shrugging unapologetically as he resumes the tape. 

* * *

Two hours later, and they make quick business of setting up camp and reheating the tamales. Buck wastes no time before digging in, groaning appreciatively as he eats. Between bites, Buck asks, “Do you think you can teach me how to make these sometime? These are criminally good.” 

“Yeah, come over sometime next week, if you want. It’s the least I can do.”

Buck’s brows furrow, “What does that mean?”

“You cooked nearly every meal last week,” Eddie explains. 

Buck offers, “Not true - you helped with most of the prep work.” 

“Still,” Eddie insists, “It would be fun, anyway. We can make a day out of it - Chris always loves making ‘em.” 

“Okay. It's a date,” Buck enthuses, his eyes crinkling with happiness as he takes another bite.

Eddie smiles too, small and pleased, and he thinks that he would make tamales every day if it meant Buck would always look at him that way. 

* * *

The following morning, when Eddie returns from his walk, he notices that Buck is waiting for him, holding up the bag of pan dulce that he had packed in with the rest of the food. 

"Would it be dramatic if I asked you to marry me?"

Eddie blushes as he approaches Buck, but tries to play it off, teasing, "Your standards are scarily low, Buck. I just thought they would be good for breakfast some days.”

Buck just looks at him for a moment before breaking out into a bright smile, “Fair warning, these will all be gone by the end of the week.” 

“Go nuts,” Eddie says casually, “It’s probably better that I don’t bring them home to Chris, anyway. I let him have too much sugar as it is.” 

“Well, if you insist,” Buck jokes before pulling out a chocolate concha from the bag, and Eddie’s just glad that Buck doesn’t say anything about how the majority of the pastries are the conchas he had loved so much last week.

* * *

The first meadow of the day was pleasant, consisting primarily of California corn lilies. Buck seemed to have a weird grudge against the plants since they were extremely toxic to sheep and cattle, but Eddie appreciated their beauty nevertheless. The thick leaves of the plants turned yellow in the light of the sun, and a stalk grew from the center of each plant, with clusters of creamy, white flowers branching off from the stem. 

“Somebody oughta just mow them down,” Buck grumbles as he draws the measuring tape across the plot.

“Circle of life, Buck,” Eddie rolls his eyes fondly, “Besides, they’re nice to look at.” 

Buck snorts, shaking his head in disapproval as he finishes his task. 

* * *

The rest of the day passes quickly - dinner was a simple affair of chicken and broccoli, and after Eddie finishes cleaning his plate, he turns to Buck, who’s still cleaning up his own dishes, and holds up his phone. “Hey, I think I’m gonna go call Chris real quick before his bedtime.”

Buck looks up at him from the plate he’s scrubbing and smiles, “Okay, tell him I say hi.” 

“You could tell him yourself, if you want. I’m sure he’d like to see you,” Eddie offers.

Buck stalls, his eyes widening. “Really?”

“Yeah, come on. I think up the hill is probably our best bet for service.”

Buck brightens and stands to join Eddie, “Sir yes sir.” 

It works out that they are able to get a few bars of service once they climb up the hill, and Christopher’s eager face pops up on his screen after only a few rings. 

“Dad!” 

“Hey, Superman! Whatcha up to?”

He chirps, “I’m drawing a magical sea kingdom! Is Buck with you?”

“Yeah, he’s here,” Eddie responds, turning the phone so Chris can see Buck.

“Hey, buddy,” Buck greets cheerfully, “Any chance we can see that magic sea kingdom?” 

“Yeah!” After a few moments, Chris flips the camera around and walks them through all of the creatures floating around a bubble castle. So far, there’s a jellyfish that has magical healing hugs, a dolphin that can read minds, and a shark with super speed. Chris gives them the whole background and history of the magical sea kingdom, and after a while, Eddie can hear Shannon call Christopher for bedtime in the background. Chris pouts but Eddie just laughs and gently urges, “Go on, be good for your mom, okay? I’ll talk to you later, bud.” 

“Ok, daddy. I love you,” Christopher says, then adds, “‘Love you, too, Buck!” 

“Love you, kiddo,” Eddie says, as Buck also chimes in, “Goodnight, Chris!”

Eddie hangs up the call and when he looks over at Buck, he can tell that he's flustered by Christopher's unabashed affection, but happy nevertheless.

Buck looks back at him, beaming, "Man, that kid is such a gem."

Eddie smiles faintly, “Yeah, he's the best.”

Buck hums in agreement and shoves his hands in his pockets as they begin to make their way back downhill. 

After a moment, Eddie glances at him carefully, “What about you? You ever think about having kids?”

Buck's face falls for a moment before recovering, but there’s still a certain sadness that haunts his expression as he stutters out, “Uh, I don’t know. I mean - I want to, but I don’t really know if it’s in the cards for me at this point.” 

Eddie frowns in confusion, “What do you mean? You’re still young.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know,” Buck sighs quietly and fixes his gaze on his boots as they continue walking. “I’m twenty seven and I’ve barely been in one serious relationship. I don't really see how it’d work out, logistically.” 

“Give it time,” Eddie comforts, pressing his shoulder gently against Buck’s, “For what it’s worth, I think you’d be a really good dad.” 

Buck’s eyes glimmer with emotion as they widen, doubt and hope crossing over his face. He asks, a bit uncertainly but still with so much trust, “You think?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says honestly, “I mean, Chris adores you and he’s barely known you a week.” 

Buck exhales, losing some of the tension from his form as he smiles shakily, “Well, Chris is different. If my kid turned out to be anything like him, I think I’d be set.” 

“Not sure if that’s fair to any future kids of yours,” Eddie grins, “You might be setting the bar too high.”

“You’re probably right,” Buck chuckles.

“But you don’t have to compare them to Chris, anyway. Any kid of yours would turn out great.” 

Buck looks at him for a moment, his expression softening with something akin to awe before he ducks his head, his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushing. 

Eddie takes pity on him and claps him gently on the shoulder, “Come on, it’s getting past your bedtime and we still gotta clean up.” 

Buck scoffs, rolling his eyes, “Says you, gramps.” 

* * *

The following day finds them at another beautiful meadow - this one covered in mountain buckwheat, the dense inflorescences of small, white flowers standing out against the bright green grass. Buck’s in the middle of a rant about how the roots apparently taste like chestnuts if cooked when Eddie spots something out of the corner of his eye. 

“Buck, look,” Eddie whispers. 

A dragonfly sits perched on the measuring tape, its body a brilliant red and brown with its translucent wings reflecting brilliantly in the sunlight. Eddie can just barely make out the thin, intricate design of the veins of its wings.

When Buck finally sees it, his expression immediately lights up, “Oh, shit.” 

Eddie carefully pulls his phone out of the pocket of his pants, quick to take a picture before it flies off. They watch it as it inches along the measuring tape for a few more moments before buzzing off. 

“Man, that was a pretty one. Did you get a good picture of it?”

Eddie shows him the shot he got and Buck whistles, “Chris is gonna love that. You think you can send that to me when we get service?”

“Sure,” Eddie agrees, smiling as he pockets his phone again.

Buck folds his hands together and stretches his arms above his head as he adds, “You know, I think I brought along an insect field guide - it should be somewhere in the rig. If you want, we can take a look through it later so you can tell Chris what type it was when you show him the picture.” 

“Yeah, that’d be nice. Thanks,” Eddie says softly, a flicker of warmth spreading through his chest at the gesture. 

“Of course,” Buck grins. 

* * *

By the time they make it to the next meadow, it’s a little past noon and miserably hot. There were hardly any trees surrounding the meadow, so there was nothing to stand between them and the harsh rays of the sun. It beat relentlessly down on the two of them and Eddie felt like he was in a trance, his thoughts foggy from the heat. 

Time seemed to drag on as they slowly made their way through the plot, and it was another couple of hours until they were finally rolling up the measuring tapes and packing away the last of their gear. Thankfully, it was the last plot they would visit for the day, and Eddie was already looking forward to not doing much of anything for the rest of the day.

Once everything was cleaned up, they both pulled out their water bottles and drank, somewhat desperately. Some water spilt down his throat and onto the neck of his shirt, but Eddie wasn’t bothered by it, considering that his shirt was already uncomfortably drenched in sweat. 

“I don’t know about you, but I fucking reek, dude.” Buck says, swiping a band of sweat across his forehead with the back of his hand.

Eddie makes a face, teasing, “I didn’t wanna say anything, but…”

Buck elbows him in the arm, rolling his eyes as he huffs sarcastically, “Yeah, ‘cause you smell fresh as a daisy.”

“Thank you,” Eddie says with a mock sincerity, to which Buck responds with a disgruntled scoff. 

“You know, I think there’s a creek pretty close to here,” Buck suggests, “I think we could definitely use a dip.” 

“Yeah, sounds good to me,” Eddie easily agrees, “How far off is it?” 

“Probably ten minutes or so that way,” Buck says, pointing east.

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Buck with directions...but he didn’t trust Buck with directions. At least, maybe not entirely.

Buck groans, rolling his head back when he picks up on Eddie's skepticism. “It’s just on the other side of the meadow, I promise. You can look at the map if you want.” 

Eddie waves him off, laughing, “I trust you. For now.” 

They wade through the tall vegetation and make it to the other side of the large meadow, and just as Buck said, there was a wide creek waiting for them. The stream was thankfully calm, the clear water peacefully coursing its way downstream. 

Buck claps his hands together, “Alright, so meet back here in twenty?” 

“See you in twenty,” Eddie confirms before turning in the opposite direction and heading off. He walks a couple of minutes downstream and once he deems himself far enough, he begins to shed his clothes and drapes them carefully over a nearby rock. The damp grass lining the creek is slippery, but pleasant and soft under his bare feet, and then he slowly steps into the stream. 

The ice cold water bites at his toes, but he forces himself to keep lowering his body into the creek until he’s eventually submerged up to his neck. After a minute, the initial sting abates and sweet, cold relief washes over him. He tilts his head back, dunking his hair, and the fogginess from the heat is cleared away by the coolness of the water. 

Eddie doesn’t know how long he spends there, basking in the warmth of the sun against his face as the cold water gently laps over him, but after a good amount of time has passed just like that, he makes his way out of the creek. 

He changes back into his clothes, grabbing a fresh shirt from his backpack and pulling it on, the thin fabric sticking uncomfortably to his wet skin. When he checks his phone, he finds that just about twenty minutes have passed since he parted from Buck, so he heads back upstream to meet up with him. 

And maybe he should’ve waited a little longer, because Buck wasn’t waiting for him, dressed and ready to go, when he got back. Instead, he spots Buck just as he climbs out of the creek, naked as the day he was born and _fuck_. 

Eddie spins around once his body catches up with his brain, but the damage was already done. He blinks his eyes furiously, trying to dispel the image of Buck’s muscular thighs and his toned ass, the thick, lengthy dick that hung beautifully from his groin...

He quietly ducks behind a tree and god, if he didn’t feel like a pervert before, this definitely isn’t helping. A good part of him just wants to bash his head against the tree in frustration, but instead he takes a couple of deep breaths and waits. He waits until he’s sure he’s given Buck enough time to get redressed before emerging from behind the tree and walking in his direction, hoping he seems casual enough to not betray the fact that he stumbled upon him in the nude. 

As Eddie approaches him, he finds Buck - dressed, thankfully, and tying up the laces on his boots as he's perched against a rock. Buck shoots him a smile when he notices him walking up and asks, “Hey, how was it?” 

“It was nice,” Eddie answers in a way he prays is nonchalant and forces a grin, “Much needed.” 

* * *

A few hours later, Eddie’s in the middle of scooping a heap of pasta on his plate when he hears Buck call out from the rig, “Found it!”

Eddie looks back at him as he asks, “Found what?”

“The insect field guide,” Buck explains, turning around and holding up the book for Eddie to see. 

“Nice,” Eddie grins, “Do you wanna look through it now or later?”

Buck beams and chirps, “No time like the present.”

They use the hood of the rig as a makeshift table, resting their plates on top of it and stealing bites of their food as they flip through the field guide.

Eddie swallows around a mouthful of his food as he points to a species - _Sympetum Pallipes_ , the striped meadowhawk - on the page, “You think that’s it?” 

Buck brightens, “Yeah, looks like it. Nice catch.” 

* * *

Later that night, Eddie’s trying to sleep...and can’t. 

It’s uncomfortably stuffy in his tent and his attempts at sleep are interrupted by images of Buck emerging from the creek, water droplets cascading down the broad muscles of his back, down his toned thighs and firm ass, and _god_ Eddie hates himself so much right now. 

He tries to push the persistent images out of his head, tries to will down the erection he’s sporting. He tries recounting the sedge species they encountered today, reviews their morphological traits and how to distinguish one from another, but none of that works. When he looks at his phone to see that it’s 10 pm (and shit, he’s spent an hour trying and failing not to think of his coworker like... _that_ ), he gives up, flopping onto his back and taking himself in his hand. 

He tilts his head back against his pillow, twisting his wrist around the head of his cock as he imagines Buck at the creek, his skin glistening in the sun, imagines Buck on his knees, his full pink lips parting to wrap around Eddie’s cock. He imagines how good it would feel to envelop himself in that warm heat, thrusting into it as blue eyes, glazed over and so eager to please, locked onto his own. 

It doesn’t take long at all before he’s spilling into his hand, clamping his free palm over his mouth to muffle the sound of his heavy breathing as he rides the wave of his orgasm. Once the arousal fades, a wave of guilt crashes over him and he derides himself as he pathetically searches for a sock to wipe himself off on. 

And for as much as he worried about not being able to sleep because of his hard on for his coworker, the guilt doesn't help, either. 

* * *

The next morning is unsurprisingly awkward - for Eddie, at least. The guilt of last night still lingers, and he finds it difficult to stomach his breakfast. Luckily, Buck doesn’t pick up on anything, just chatters away as he eats a guava empanada and sips at his coffee. 

A few flakes of pastry are left behind on his lips and he licks at them distractedly, and Eddie’s mind short circuits. Buck is too engrossed in a story about one of Bobby’s legendary meals to notice how Eddie’s gaze focuses on his lips for just a little too long, and Eddie has never been more grateful for Buck’s tendency to become fully absorbed in every story he tells. 

* * *

The plan for that day was to just visit one meadow. Since it wasn’t accessible by any service roads, they would have to hike in about two hours to get there. And then, by the time they finished and got back, they would hopefully have a couple of hours before dark to drive further east, where the rest of their sites were. 

Eddie was just grateful that they were so involved with making preparations for the hike that he didn’t have time to mull over his dream from last night for too long. They drape their map of Stanislaus over the hood of the rig and carefully track the path they’ll take to reach the meadow, debate what gear to take and what can be left behind, and then they’re off. 

It only takes a little less than twenty minutes to drive to where they would start the hike, and Buck’s pulling on his pack when he asks, “Hey, you wanna hear a good joke?”

“Sure,” Eddie shrugs, hitching the metal detector on his shoulder. 

“Okay, but you gotta be patient, alright? It’s a long but good one,” Buck promises as they begin to move away from the rig. 

Eddie, now a little more reluctant, still agrees to it, and so Buck launches into his joke as they start the hike. 

And he really wasn’t exaggerating about needing to be patient, because a half hour later, he’s _still_ setting up the joke. They’ve been walking through a monotonous stretch of pine forest for this whole time, and Eddie can’t help but feel like it’s a metaphor for this joke, which seems to be going nowhere. 

So far, Buck’s given him way too many details about a down on his luck bee who is struggling to raise two baby bees with a wife he’s not sure he loves anymore, and who was also fired from three jobs at three different honey factories. Currently, Buck’s describing the moments right after he was fired from his third job and promptly kicked out of the factory. 

“And he was so thirsty because he cried out all the water in his body, right? So he thinks to himself, I should get a drink. Lucky for him, he’s walking around town and there are a bunch of different drink stands. At first, he strolls past a lemonade stand but he’s not in the mood for lemonade, so he goes to the orange juice line. And then he’s halfway through the line when he realizes he doesn’t even want orange juice.”

And it goes on like that for another few minutes or so, with Buck regaling all of the drink stands the bee visits and doesn’t end up getting anything from: apple juice, root beer, chocolate milk, grapefruit juice, coca cola, and iced tea - to name a few. 

“And at this point, he’s getting kinda desperate, and right when he thinks he’s tried every drink stand, he sees one he missed: fruit punch. So he runs over and goes to the _punch line_ , but there was none.”

Buck looks at him expectantly, beaming with pride at this _stupid_ fucking joke. When Eddie says nothing, just stares right back at him, Buck goads cheerfully, “Get it? There’s no punchline.”

Eddie hitches the metal detector higher on his shoulder and walks ahead, calling behind him, “Got it. Consider my offer for tamale night revoked.”

Buck rushes up to catch up with him, “What? Come on, it was funny!” 

“Your sense of humor is broken, Buck,” he retorts, shaking his head. 

“You know you loved it,” Buck grins, bumping shoulders with him. 

“I _really_ wouldn’t say that,” Eddie rolls his eyes, but breaks into a fond smile all the same. 

* * *

Once they make it past through the seemingly never-ending patch of trees, a vast hill of mule-ears and lupines stretches out before them. The loud yellows and soft purples of the flowers are nearly hidden by their large, bright leaves, but not entirely. Instead, the flowers cast brilliant strokes and splashes of color across the hill, seeming to dance in the wind and come alive under the intense glow of the sun. 

Eddie whistles appreciatively, and when they reach the bottom of the hill, they both stop to pull out their phones to take pictures. 

After a minute, Buck turns his phone to face Eddie and smiles, “Say cheese.” 

Eddie feels warmth rush to his cheeks but he tries to laugh it off, huffing, “The flowers weren’t pretty enough for you?” 

Buck lowers his phone, rolling his eyes playfully, “I thought Chris might like to have some pictures of you in these cool places you get to see.” 

“Oh, uh - thanks. He probably would like that, actually,” Eddie agrees. 

Briefly, he thinks of all the pictures he had collected from his time in the army. There weren’t many, but there were a couple of him with some of his medic friends in front of a helicopter, of him and his friend knocked out on a triage cot, of him gearing up. And while the memories of the photos themselves were pretty harmless, it was hard to separate those memories from the rest. The dread and fear of those years seemed to seep into everything, and Eddie would’ve been happy to just throw the pictures out and be done with it. 

However, once Christopher found out about them, that wasn’t a possibility anymore. He latched onto the photographs, always proud to show them to anyone and everyone. A bittersweet feeling always burrowed its way into Eddie’s chest whenever it happened - he wanted Christopher to be proud of him, but everything else about it felt wrong. 

But in this moment, something warm and hopeful washes over him at the possibility of sharing new pictures of himself with his son, in this place that feels worlds away from Afghanistan.

So he poses, throwing up a thumbs-up with both of his hands and smiling for his kid and this place he’s found himself in. 

And maybe he smiles for Buck, too. 

* * *

The rest of the hike was intense, to say the least. A wide waterfall eventually cut across the path, and they found themselves clambering up the large rocks that bordered the stream for a good half hour until they reached flat land again. Thankfully, the rest of the hike was downhill and provided a much needed respite. 

And even though Eddie was exhausted after two hours of hiking, he was grateful. The landscapes around them were beautiful and every so often, they would stop to point out cool flowers, such as a columbine or a smokey mariposa lily, to each other. 

Before too long, they eventually reached the meadow, but before launching into the protocol, they decided to take their lunch break first, both of them starved from the hike. And compared to the rest of the hike, the meadow was relatively unimpressive. Sedges and dry grasses dominated the meadow, with a couple of common flowers like yarrow and clovers mixed in. It made going through the protocol easy since it wasn’t too species rich, and it only took them just over an hour to finish everything and wrap up at the site. 

* * *

While Eddie had appreciated that the last stretch of the hike was all downhill on their way to the meadow, he definitely didn't have the same gratitude for that fact on the way back up - the uphill climb was a bit brutal on their already tired legs. Descending back down the waterfall was also tricky, since they had to be doubly careful not to slip on any of the rocks, but they made it through with only a few light tumbles.

They’re nearly halfway back to the rig when he hears Buck cough behind him, dry and harsh. He turns around to glance at him, and while Buck looks flushed and sweaty from the heat, he seems relatively fine. Either way, Eddie still asks, “You okay?”

“Ran out of water a bit ago,” Buck huffs, “All good, though.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Eddie asks, “I brought an extra bottle just in case.”

“Wow,” Buck appraises, grinning, “You are _so_ the dad friend.”

“What?”

“You know, how friend groups have the mom friend or the dad friend?”

“I mean, I am a dad,” Eddie says, confused as he rifles through his pack for the spare water bottle.

“Mmhm, very on brand,” Buck beams.

Eddie rolls his eyes and offers the bottle to him, “Here you go, _son_.”

“Ew, no,” Buck laughs as he grabs the bottle gratefully, “I take it back, okay?” 

* * *

Once they get back to the rig and collapse in their seats, they take a few minutes to blast the air conditioning on high and chug down the rest of their water. As much as Eddie doesn’t want to do anything for the rest of the day, they still have to make the drive further east, which will take another couple of hours. 

Biting the bullet, Eddie puts the rig in drive and peels back onto the service road, switching on the cassette player to resume _The Austere Academy_. 

He’s so exhausted he finds it hard to track the plot and judging by the way Buck seems to be dozing off, he figures the same is true for him. 

By the time they arrive at their campsite a few hours later, they’re both dead drop tired. Thankfully, they still have leftovers of the pasta from the night before, so they just heat that up in the skillet before quickly scarfing it down. Even though it’s only 8 pm once they finally set up their tents, they immediately climb inside and knock out.

* * *

The following day, they’re packing up their gear after they finish at their second meadow when Eddie stalls and takes a look around. The meadow is frankly not the most impressive one they've been to, but Eddie doesn't need a view to enjoy his meal. 

“Hey, do you wanna just eat lunch here? I’m pretty hungry,” he says.

Buck shakes his head, “I have a better idea. Think you can hold off for another half hour or so?”

“No promises,” Eddie says cheekily, even though he knows he’d go along with really anything Buck suggested.

* * *

Buck’s idea turns out to be lunch by a cascading waterfall that was about fifty or so feet tall with a large swimming hole at its base, all of which was bordered by huge, thick slabs of granite rock. 

When it all finally comes into view, Buck turns to him and asks, a bit cockily, “Worth the wait?”

“Definitely,” Eddie smiles, already shouldering off his pack and gear to remove his socks and shoes. Buck does the same, and it’s not too long before they’re perched together on a rock with their lunches in their lap and their legs dangling over the side. 

Theoretically, they could have sat on different rocks, but Eddie finds it hard to be upset about the way Buck is pressed comfortably against him, firmly connected from their shoulders to their thighs. As they eat their food, Buck swings his legs here and there, dragging his feet in the water and occasionally knocking against Eddie’s legs. The solid warmth of Buck against him and his playful touches send a pleasant shiver down Eddie's spine, and he finds himself leaning into it.

As Eddie unwraps his sandwich, he asks, “So, you’ve been here before?” 

“Yeah, Hen brought me here my first season,” Buck explains, “It’s nice, isn’t it?” 

Eddie hums in agreement, taking a bite of his sandwich. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Buck peering at him oddly. Before he can ask what it’s about, Buck asks, “Don’t you ever get sick of turkey sandwiches?”

Eddie glances at Buck, “Not really, why?”

“You eat them for lunch literally every day.” 

“What can I say? I like them,” Eddie defends.

“I’m starting to think they’re the only thing you can make.”

“Not true,” Eddie says, “You’re forgetting about the tamales.”

“Yeah yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it,” Buck grins, swallowing down a bite of the wrap he made himself. 

After they’re finished eating, they both strip down to their boxers, eager to head into the water. Buck gets a running start, shouting “Cannonball!” as he jumps in the swimming hole. Eddie laughs as he becomes soaked by the splash from Buck’s jump before he joins him a moment later.

They swim independently for some time and once they get their fill, they end up floating next to each other, relaxed and content to watch the clouds as they drift across the sky. 

At some point, Buck contemplates, “Whenever I’m out here I always think to myself that I should bring a pool float. I forget every year, though.” 

“You’d really wanna lug that in the rig?” Eddie asks. 

“Probably not,” Buck laughs. 

Eventually, they climb out and collapse on the flat slabs of rocks that border the swimming hole. The warmth of the rock against his back feels heavenly, and he spreads his limbs to soak it up as his chest heaves. Buck lays down close to him, his wrist connecting with Eddie’s arm as he also spreads out, sending an additional, pleasant burst of warmth through him. 

After another half hour of sunbathing, they reluctantly pack up their stuff and head back to their camp, which was an hour drive from the waterfall. Instead of listening to _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ , Buck showed him the podcast he had talked about last week, which was hosted by National Geographic. The episodes were short, so Buck chooses a few of his favorites, which include an account of a writer who scuba dived in a pyramid and of an archeologist who studied graffiti in ancient Pompeii. As Buck predicted last week, Eddie does enjoy it, but it's mostly watching Buck’s expressions of fascination and glee that contribute to his enjoyment. 

For dinner, Buck goes all out with a braised beef dish which ends up tasting delicious and has them both going back for seconds; by the time they wrap up dinner and clean up, it’s close to nine pm. It’s still a bit light outside, but they head to their tents to sleep anyway, both exhausted and ready to call it a day. 

A small part of Eddie wishes they didn’t have to separate at the end of the night, wishes that he could fall asleep with Buck by his side, his comforting presence close by, but he heads to his tent alone all the same. 

* * *

_It’s the same_ , the same as it always is - the same bursts of gunfire, lighting up the desert otherwise drenched in darkness - the same people clinging onto life beside him, the same wounds steadily bleeding him dry. 

Except this time, when he kisses the picture of his son and forces himself to look up at his fate, Christopher stands in front of him, only a few yards away. 

“Dad?”

His heart drops to his stomach and a cold dread crawls down his spine, paralyzing him. 

Christopher shouldn’t be here. Christopher shouldn’t be here and Eddie cries because it’s all wrong. His child was supposed to be safe, tucked into bed with his favorite teddy bear on the other side of the world. 

Eddie tries to get up from where he’s slouched against the hill, wants to run and grab Christopher and take him far away from here, but he can’t - he’s frozen where he is, helpless to do anything as his son stands in the line of fire. 

“Christopher,” he chokes out, “Move. _Please_.” 

But he doesn’t. He stays right where he is, his face scrunching up as tears well in his eyes and slide down his cheeks. His voice hitches, scared and fragile, “Dad, where are we?” 

They’re getting closer, he can hear it, and he can’t get up. He tries to fight the invisible force keeping him rooted where he is, tries to call out to Christopher, but Christopher can’t even seem to hear him anymore, not even as Eddie screams himself hoarse. 

And then, through all of it - through Christopher’s cries, the neverending stream of gunfire, his own screams, another sound trickles through. It’s soft and unfamiliar, a gentle strain of an acoustic guitar accompanied by a light voice that all feels so out of place in this hellscape. 

_It was written that I would love you_

_from the moment I opened my eyes_

_And the morning when I first saw you_

_gave me life under calico skies_

He looks around the desert and everything slowly starts to dissolve - Christopher, the helicopter, his comrades, the bursts of gunfire. All that’s left is the song and then he’s pulled out, resurfaces to the rustling of wind against his tent, and the song from his dream. 

_I will hold you for as long as you’d like_

_I’ll hold you for the rest of my life_

He hadn’t imagined the soft, acoustic melody. It continues, sweet and melodic, as he brings a shaky hand to his chest and tries to even out his breathing and expel the lingering memory of his nightmare. 

_Long live all of us crazy soldiers_

_Who were born under calico skies_

_May we never be called to handle_

_All the weapons of war we despise_

Once his heart no longer feels like it’ll thud out of his chest and his breathing becomes less erratic, he zips open his tent to find where the music is coming from, and he doesn't have to look too far. Buck sits a few feet away, illuminated by the harsh light of a lantern and holding his phone in his hand, looking both sheepish and concerned. 

He can feel his face scrunch up in confusion and he’s barely able to stutter out, “Buck, what-”

“I, uh - I heard you. I didn’t wanna come in your tent or try to yell at you, but I didn’t wanna leave you like that, either. Figured this might work.”

“Oh,” Eddie exhales, and fresh guilt churns in his stomach. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Buck says so easily, his brows furrowing in concern, “Are you okay?”

His chest is still heaving, his hands still shaking, but he nods anyway. 

Buck considers him for a moment before asking, “Do you wanna hang out for a bit?”

At that, he meets Buck’s gaze, confused, “Aren’t you tired?”

“Not really,” Buck shrugs, “You like hot chocolate? I brought a few packets.” 

He can’t remember the last time he’s had hot chocolate, and while it was never his favorite, it beats going back to sleep. So he nods his head, and Buck stands, tilting his head in the direction of their camp stove, gently urging him to follow. 

Buck turns on another lantern when they get to their table setup, and Eddie tucks his arms into his chest to guard against the cold. An easy silence wraps around them as Buck heats up some milk and pours the packets of hot chocolate into the pot. Once it’s ready, Buck wordlessly slides a mug over to him, which Eddie gratefully accepts. The warm steam feels nice against his face, and he allows himself to relax into the sensation. 

“My sister used to sing to me whenever I’d have a nightmare and couldn’t wake up. I’ve never really had to wake anyone like that before, but I figured I’d at least spare you from my singing voice.”

Eddie chuckles softly into his mug, “I appreciate it.” 

Buck glances carefully at him before asking, a bit uncertainly, “Do you get them often?”

“I used to,” Eddie admits, wrapping his fingers tighter around the mug, “Not so much anymore.” 

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really, if that’s okay,” Eddie sniffs, before moving on, “I, uh - I liked the song you played earlier.”

“Yeah? It’s one of my favorites,” Buck smiles. 

Something uncoils within Eddie when he realizes Buck won’t push him to talk about anything related to his dream, and he finds himself falling into an easy and light-hearted conversation with the other man. They stay out there for another hour or so, and when Eddie returns to his tent, he falls into an easy, dreamless sleep. 

* * *

As luck would have it, they have lunch by another waterfall the next day as well. This one is much smaller than the one from yesterday, is really just a trickle down a rocky outcrop off the side of the road, but it’s pleasant all the same. They carefully climb up the slippery rocks until they have a nice view of the forest line and pull their lunches from their backpacks.

It’s their last day of actual work before they drive back down to Los Angeles tomorrow morning, and Eddie uses this moment to just take it all in, allowing himself to find peace in the soft chirping of the birds around them and the fresh, sharp smell of pine. Buck seems to understand and does the same - they sit on the mossy rocks, stretching out their legs as they eat in their food in a comfortable silence, both content to listen to the gentle babbling of the thin stream of water along the rocks while they take in the view around them. 

* * *

Buck’s in the middle of reading one of the lines at their last meadow of the day when he calls Eddie over excitedly. When Eddie approaches, he sifts through the vegetation, pushing the tall sedges and grasses to the side so Eddie can see what he’s looking at - a minuscule, bright yellow flower that grows close to the ground. 

“A baby monkey flower,” Buck gushes, “Aren’t they the cutest?” 

Eddie chuckles as he agrees, “They are pretty cute.” 

Buck’s grinning nearly from ear to ear, sighing happily, “God, I love these little guys.”

His enthusiasm is infectious, and Eddie feels something light and warm swirl within him. Eddie has always loved plants and flowers since he was young, but Buck’s passion only makes his grow all the more. 

Curious, he finds himself asking, “How’d you get into botany, anyway?” 

Buck continues sorting through the vegetation as he reflects, “Well, I always liked it, I guess. I was into everything when I was a kid - plants, birds, insects, animals, the stars. The whole enchilada, really.”

He interrupts himself briefly to list the species that are rooted in the frame, and Eddie dutifully records them. 

Buck moves on to the next meter as he continues, “My sister - Maddie, she would take me to the library a lot, and even though I was still too young to understand much of anything, she’d help me go through all the books and make sense of it all,” he says, then chuckles gently, “Looking back, it probably wasn’t a lot of fun for her, but she never made me feel that way.” 

“You know, I’m sure she loved those days, too.” 

“I hope,” Buck smiles, soft and contemplative, as he sits on his haunches. “During the summer she would drive us out to some of the parks and trails around our town. Or sometimes we would just lay out on top of her car and look out at the stars for hours.”

Eddie repositions himself in the chair as he says, “That sounds really nice.” 

“It was,” Buck agrees as he moves down the line again, starting to sort through another patch of vegetation, “Growing up I always knew I wanted to do something like this, but I got kinda lost for a while, you know? It wasn’t really until I joined this crew that things started to make sense again.”

He’s looking at Eddie so earnestly it hurts and Eddie finds himself wanting to share everything with Buck, wants to return the trust that Buck so easily places in him. Though Buck’s life took on a shape different from his own, Eddie feels a sense of understanding and kindredship with him that he’s never experienced before. 

“Yeah,” Eddie exhales, “I think I know what you mean.” 

* * *

It’s late, close to ten pm, but they find themselves stretched flat across the hood of the rig, their gazes focused on the vast night sky stretched above them. The stars twinkle playfully, a sprinkling of white paint across a dark canvass. 

The two of them stare at the stars for a while, wrapped in a peaceful stillness, until Eddie asks, “Do you know any of the constellations?” 

Buck shifts closer to Eddie, exhaling, “I used to when I was younger, but I forgot most of them a long time ago. I think it’s more fun to make up your own, anyway.” 

“Like, take that one,” Buck urges, gesturing to a constellation, “It kinda looks like a grasshopper if you tilt your head.” 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Eddie smiles, “How do you think he got there?”

Buck hums in consideration before sitting up slightly, “Can you see that other one, a little to the left? It kinda looks like a kite. Maybe the grasshopper was chasing it and followed it all the way up there.”

“That’s cute,” Eddie comments, before pointing back at the sky, “Okay, there, that one above our grasshopper? It looks like a dude running away from his life-sized tie.” 

“Maybe it’s a comment on capitalist society,” Buck speculates.

Eddie looks back at him as he laughs, “Obviously.” 

Buck laughs with him for a moment before a certain calmness settles over them, both of them relaxing further against the hood of the rig. There’s a gentle gust of wind that blows through their campground, rustling the leaves on the ground and passing over them. It’s cold but the chill is pleasant, their breaths creating small clouds in the space in front of them. 

“You know, I’m really glad you joined our crew,” Buck confesses softly, his gaze still focused on the night sky, his chin tilted up as he takes it in.

Eddie turns to face him, his heart fluttering pathetically. “Yeah?”

“Mmhm,” Buck hums, smiling soft and small, “It was getting kinda lonely before you came around.”

“I’m glad I joined, too,” Eddie admits, “It’s been a while since I had a friend.”

Buck turns his head to look at him and his eyes shine in the soft moonlight. “Well, I’m happy for us both, then.”

His hand brushes against Eddie’s, and Eddie finds himself turning his hand over to allow Buck’s fingers to loosely slot through his own. For a moment, everything is still - besides the gentle rustling of the wind through the trees, the only sound is that of their breathing as their eyes lock. And then, for a fleeting moment, Buck’s eyes flicker down to Eddie’s lips, the rising of his chest becoming visibly heavier. 

His gaze drags back to meet Eddie’s eyes, and Eddie doesn’t know what he finds there, but he knows what he wants, knows that he wants _this_ , whatever it is. And Buck - Buck seems to understand, and slowly inches his head closer until Eddie can feel the warmth of his soft breaths against his skin. 

He nudges his nose against Eddie’s, the tip of it cold and gentle, and Eddie tilts his chin towards Buck until they’re impossibly close. He can’t tell who moves in after that, but everything else dissolves into the night, the world narrowing to the brush of Buck’s lips against his own and the heavy thud of his heart in his chest. 

The kiss is soft, and _fleeting_ , because in the next moment, there’s a sudden rustle in the bushes. They both tear apart from each other, jolting up from the hood of the car to find the source of the noise, only to find a mother deer emerging from the shrubs, her fawn trailing closely behind her.

“Just a deer,” Eddie breathes out, his hand over his chest. 

Buck leans his body towards the deer but doesn’t get up from the rig, not wanting to scare them off. “Hey, mama,” he smiles, cooing at the animal, “Whatcha doin?”

The mama deer stares at them cautiously for a moment before making her way through their campground, scouting for food - and finding none, stalks off with her fawn into the stretch of trees on the opposite side. 

It’s slightly awkward, but Buck is still smiling in his direction when he says, “We, uh - we should probably call it a night. Big day tomorrow.”

Whatever trance that had captured them before was broken now, but the feeling of hope and contentment still lingers, and for all that Eddie feels dazed and uncertain, there’s a lightness surrounding it all. So, for now, he just follows Buck’s lead and wishes him a good night before heading to his tent. 

* * *

That lightness doesn't last for too long, however, and when he wakes the following morning, an uneasy feeling settles in his gut with the memory of the previous night. 

He pulls on his clothes and shoes before heading outside and to his surprise, Buck is already awake and standing at the stove, happily humming a soft tune. 

“Morning, Eddie” Buck chirps when he notices him, handing him a thermos of coffee. 

Eddie takes the thermos gratefully, considering him for a moment before he responds, “Morning.” 

“Last day,” Buck comments, smiling through a yawn, “You ready to get back home?” 

Eddie blows at the steam rising from his thermos, humming an _mhm_ before adding, “Definitely ready to get back to my bed.”

“Tell me about it,” Buck laughs, “My back’s always killing me by the end of the week.”

And despite everything, it’s easy to fall into their usual banter, so he teases, “You getting old on me, Buckley?”

“Ha, you wish, grandpa,” Buck snorts. 

And it’s all startlingly normal. He doesn’t know what Buck is thinking, doesn’t know whether or not he wants to ignore last night and act like it never happened. Dread and hope swirl within him uncomfortably as he waits for Buck to give _any_ indicator of how he feels about last night, but it never happens - they pack up their things and load the rig, and Buck says nothing through all of it. He feels whatever hope he had been holding onto die a little, slowly shriveling up inside of him the longer they go without talking about what happened between them. 

But if Buck wants to pretend that last night didn’t happen, that’s fine with Eddie. As he hops into the driver’s seat, he figures that everything else between them seemed to be the same, and if Buck would have him, Eddie could be just his friend, his coworker. 

They’re only a few minutes into the drive and after a third consecutive yawn, Buck finally asks, “You mind if I take a nap? A stupid fly kept me up all night.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow, “Why didn’t you just kill it or lead it out of your tent?”

“I tried,” Buck whines, “It was stubborn.” 

“Seems you’ve met your match, then,” Eddie snorts before waving him off kindly, “Yeah, take a nap. I’ll be here.” 

“Don’t go anywhere,” Buck jokes before tucking himself into the side door, resting his head against the glass window. It’s only a couple of minutes until Buck begins to snore lightly, his body becoming relaxed in sleep, and then Eddie’s alone with his thoughts. He tries switching on the radio for a bit, but he’s unable to concentrate on anything that’s playing, his mind a tangled web of thoughts and anxieties.

Because more than anything else, Eddie understands that sweeping the previous night under the rug was for the best, because Buck...Buck deserves better than Eddie, deserves better than someone who only knows how to run, deserves better than nightmares and wounds that have yet to heal. 

And maybe Buck sees it, too. Because even though he liked the way he felt seen with Buck, maybe Buck saw enough to know better. 

And while there’s a relief that comes with the clarity that this is how things were meant to be, the disappointment still clings to his heart, latching around it like a heavy weight. 

Buck wakes up a bit later and at some point, they decide to replay _The Austere Academy_ considering both of them barely paid attention during their first listen of the book. Not that he’s really paying attention now, either. 

Because for all that Eddie convinced himself that whatever had happened last night was a fluke while Buck was asleep, he’s not so sure anymore now that Buck’s awake. Because when they both reach into the bag of popcorn resting in the center console at the same time, instead of pulling his hand back like Eddie would have expected, Buck only presses into Eddie’s touch just the slightest and shoots a shy smile at him. Because Buck steals careful glances at him every now and then when he thinks Eddie can’t see, because Buck nudges his elbow against Eddie’s when it rests on the console, takes any excuse to touch Eddie, and Eddie- 

-Eddie’s so fucking pathetic, that’s all it takes to revive the hope he thought had died not even an hour ago. 

The rest of the trip passes like that, with them alternating between the radio, the National Geographic podcast, and the sixth book of _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ , and with Eddie feeling like he was slowly losing his goddamn mind. 

They reach the Forest Service building around eight in the evening, and they make several trips to bring the entirety of the gear back into their crew’s office. When the last of it is packed away, they stand in the middle of the room, both awkward and unsure now that there was nothing left to do. 

After a moment, Buck breaks the silence, “So, uh - is it still cool if I come over to make tamales with you guys sometime this week?”

He’s slightly taken aback that Buck still wants to meet up after everything, but he supposes he shouldn't be surprised by anything Buck does anymore. So he doesn't say anything, just responds, “Yeah, is Wednesday okay?” 

“Yeah, Wednesday’s good,” Buck exhales. He bounces on the heels of his feet for a moment, uncharacteristically anxious as he focuses his gaze downwards. 

Another moment passes before Eddie hesitantly asks, “Hey, Buck?”

His eyes dart up to meet Eddie’s as he answers, “Yeah?” 

“Are we okay?” 

“Yeah, Eddie. We’re okay,” he reassures, smiling gently, “We’ll talk Wednesday, alright?”

All Eddie can do is nod, and Buck ducks out of the office, shooting him a small wave before he leaves, and Eddie is alone with his thoughts once again. 

He looks around the office for a moment before dropping into one of the chairs, needing a moment to pull his thoughts together before he has to go back home. He has no idea what Buck means when he says he wants to talk, and while Eddie knows what he wants Buck to mean by it, he feels like he should know better than going down that path. 

Still collapsed in the chair, he pulls out his phone and finds a text from Shannon, letting him know that Chris was excited to see him. By the time he gets home, it’ll be close to Chris’ bedtime, but he gets up from the chair and grabs his duffel bag anyway, eager to make it back to his kid after a week away from him. 

Except when he walks back out to the parking lot, Buck is there, leaning against Eddie’s truck. When he notices Eddie, he straightens out his posture but doesn’t move beyond that, just waits for Eddie where he is. Buck watches him with an open expression, patient and determined. 

When he’s finally close enough, Eddie questions, “I-I thought you left.”

“Yeah, I was gonna,” Buck explains, stepping closer to Eddie, “But I didn’t wanna leave without kissing you first....Is that okay?”

Hope is a sweet thing, Eddie realizes, as it blossoms in his chest, unfolding like a flower in the sunlight, and Eddie thinks he would go through this fucking roller coaster of a day all over again if it meant getting here. And he’s still confused, his mind a jumbled mess of thoughts, but at this moment, he doesn’t care about anything else, doesn’t care about what he should or shouldn’t be doing. He just knows that he wants this, wants Buck any way he can have him. 

So he nods, smiling as he whispers, “Yeah, that’s okay.”

At that, Buck makes the final move into Eddie’s space and captures his lips in a soft kiss, his hand coming up to cup Eddie’s jaw. It’s light and chaste but Eddie presses into it just slightly, tilting his chin and wanting to be as close as he can to Buck. 

When Buck pulls away, he looks at Eddie, his eyes crinkling in happiness as a soft smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “So, Wednesday?”

“Wednesday,” Eddie confirms, still in a daze.

Buck takes a moment to gently press his forehead against Eddie’s, seeming to relish in the contact before he moves away, walking off in the opposite direction towards his own truck. 

Eddie’s heart flutters in his chest as he watches Buck leave, but this time there’s nothing weighing it down, nothing that bitters the moment. For once, he lets himself lean into the hope that he could have this, that he could start something good with Buck and it didn’t have to end in misery. 

They still have to talk, but Buck sees him. Buck sees him, and he’s still here.


	4. los angeles

Eddie doesn’t really remember the drive home from the Forest Service office - it's all lost in a haze of contentment (and maybe of bewilderment, too), but when he unlocks the front door to the house, he’s greeted by Christopher’s delighted shriek of “Daddy!” 

Almost instantly, Christopher wraps him in a loose hug, his crutches gently knocking against Eddie’s legs. Shannon’s there, too, smiling tiredly as she greets him. He bends down to pick his kid up, balancing him on his hip as Chris squeals and throws his head back with a wide grin. 

“I missed you, kiddo,” he says emphatically, squeezing Christopher gently. 

“I missed you, too, daddy. Did you have a fun week?” 

“I did,” he says, smiling, “Did you?”

Christopher nods enthusiastically, gushing, “We went to the beach again.”

Eddie gapes at him exaggeratedly, “Since when do you like the beach?”

Chris protests, his body shaking with laughter as he protests, “ _Daaaad_.” 

He puts Chris to bed shortly after that, but not before Chris talks him into reading him a chapter from _The Chronicles of Narnia_ \- not that Eddie really needed too much convincing, really. Since Chris had been waiting up for him to get home, he ends up falling asleep in the middle of the first chapter. Eddie watches him for a moment, his child’s soft snuffs of breath filling his chest with warmth. He leans over to press a kiss to his forehead, brushing an errant curl away from his face, before turning his nightstand lamp off and tiptoeing out of the room. 

When he walks back out to the living room, Shannon is nearly asleep on the couch and he chuckles at the sight of her. She lifts her head when she hears his footsteps and rubs at her eyes. 

Eddie just shoots her a grin as he sits down at the opposite end of the couch, “Long day?” 

“Long week,” Shannon corrects, mustering up a sleepy smile, “But a good one. Yours?” 

“Same,” Eddie says, stifling a yawn.

“Good,” Shannon says as she peels herself off of the couch, “Well, I’m gonna go home and knock out. I’ll probably be back here around noon, if that’s good with you.”

 _Right_ \- in the haze of everything with Buck, he had forgotten that they had planned to take Chris to see the new _Toy Story_ tomorrow. 

He nods, stuffing his hands in his pockets, “Sounds good to me. You okay to drive home?”

“Yes, dad,” she teases, fishing out her keys from her purse, “I’ll be fine.”

It reminds him of Buck’s comment about being a dad friend, but sue him - he worries. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he huffs, rolling his eyes, “Get home safe.”

She gives him a brief hug before heading out, and Eddie’s quick to collapse in his bed, grateful for his mattress after a week of essentially sleeping on the ground. 

* * *

The next day, the three of them decide to spend a few hours at the park, setting up a nice picnic and laying out in the sun for a bit before heading to the movies. 

It still takes him aback how… _good_ things are between him and Shannon. When he called her before they moved to Los Angeles, they hashed everything out, but a part of him had still expected awkward exchanges and hostile interactions. 

When she left with nothing but a short note, he thought that he had broken her and shattered whatever good will that had once existed between them in the process. 

And maybe he gave himself too much credit, or her too little, because that wasn’t the case, thankfully.

The day passes pleasantly, and after the movie, they pick up some Chinese food, neither Shannon nor Eddie feeling up to cooking, and head back home. An hour later, Christopher is tucked into bed and sound asleep, and Eddie and Shannon retreat back to the kitchen to clean up. 

They return to the same routine they had adopted when they were married, with Shannon washing the dishes and passing them off to Eddie to dry. 

It’s familiar and it’s not - these small, quiet moments between them had been rare, honestly. By the end of their marriage, Eddie would usually just take care of the kitchen on his own while Shannon found something else to do in another part of the house, or vice versa. It feels comfortable now, though, relaxed in a way it hadn’t been in years. 

As Shannon passes him a plate to dry, he asks, “So, you got any plans for tomorrow?”

Shannon sighs exaggeratedly, smiling, “Oh, just an exciting day of all the errands I’ve been holding off on. You?”

“Buck is coming over, I think,” Eddie mentions, “Chris and I are teaching him how to make tamales.” 

“Seems like you guys are getting along well,” Shannon comments, “Chris can’t stop talking about his new best friend.” 

“Uh, yeah,” Eddie says, “He’s really great with him.”

“I’m kinda surprised you made plans with him. I would’ve thought that after spending every waking hour with this guy for a week, you’d be sick of him by the end of it.”

Eddie just shrugs, paying a little too much attention to the plate he’s currently drying, because he’s not about to tell her that he doesn’t think he could get sick of Buck if he tried, or that he finds himself wanting to be around Buck all of the time.

“I mean, seriously - you’re the most introverted person I know,” Shannon jokes, something akin to disbelief creeping into her tone as she gazes at him.

A sense of inner betrayal grips him as he feels his cheeks begin to flush under her gaze, and he doesn’t know exactly what she sees, but a moment later, he can tell that she’s read him like a fucking book. Her eyes widen as she gawks at him, “Eddie Diaz, is there something going on between you guys?” 

There’s a gleeful quality to her teasing that Eddie automatically resents, and he hates that he’s so obvious. 

“No,” Eddie says honestly, because even though Buck kissed him ( _twice_ , his mind helpfully adds), he still doesn’t really know what Buck wants from all of this yet. 

“But you want there to be,” Shannon observes, and seeing no way out of this since he’s apparently so goddamn transparent, Eddie nods, sighing. 

She passes him another clean dish, which he starts to dry, appraising him carefully, “Okay, so what’s the big deal then?” 

Eddie grimaces, turning away from her to put the plate in the cabinet as he huffs, “I mean, it’s not like I need to tell _you_ why it’s a bad idea.”

He hears her turn off the faucet and when he turns around, she’s shooting him an odd look, “What does _that_ mean?”

“Come on, I was hardly husband of the year, Shannon,” Eddie sighs frustratedly, leaning on the counter behind him. 

She just looks at him, unimpressed, and raises an eyebrow at him, “Are we really doing this now?”

Eddie’s brows furrow in confusion, “Doing what?”

“Throwing you a pity party. Because it’s last minute, but I can try to throw something together.”

“Good one,” Eddie says dryly, rolling his eyes. 

The corners of her mouth tug into a quick grin before she moves closer, coming to lean on the kitchen island as she faces him. Her features soften, her gaze becoming serious and compassionate as she sighs, “Look, Eddie...we both made mistakes. It doesn’t mean that you’re not cut out to be someone’s partner, or that you don’t deserve to be happy.”

Eddie considers her for a moment before asking, “How can you say that, after everything?”

“Because you’re a good person, Eddie,” she says, “I know that, Chris knows that, _everyone_ knows that. I wish you did, too.”

“I left you, Shannon,” he pushes, his voice thick, “I ran away and left you to deal with everything on your own.”

“Yeah, and then I left you. We’ve talked about this, Eddie.” 

He just shrugs, moving around her to hang the towel he was using back on its hook, and when she seems to realize that nothing she’s saying is getting through, she tries, “Do you think I’m a bad person because of the mistakes I made?”

“Of course not, but that’s different,” Eddie argues.

She folds her arms across her chest as she counters, “How so?” 

“It just is,” Eddie insists, raking his hands through his hair. 

She sighs, the fight visibly leaving her body. “And I’m telling you that it’s not. I forgave you, a long time ago. You gotta forgive yourself at some point, too.”

He laughs, something weak and resigned, and the tension similarly seeps from his own form as he meets her eyes, “You make it sound so easy.”

She smiles, soft and understanding, as she chuckles, “Yeah, if only, right? You’ll get there, though.” 

“Well, if you say so,” Eddie acquiesces, raising a shoulder as he returns a small smile.

“Damn right,” she grins, “But you know, you’re allowed to be happy in the meantime...maybe even with a certain new boy toy,” she teases, waggling her eyebrows. 

“He’s not my boy toy, Shannon,” he argues, rolling his eyes fondly. 

“Sure he’s not,” she sarcastically placates as she moves around, grabbing her purse from the counter, “I should get going, but I’ll see you guys Friday?” 

“Yeah, we’ll see you then.”

She pulls him into a quick hug, patting his shoulder gently before she moves away. “Take care, Eddie.”

“You too, Shan.” 

And then he’s alone for the night. When he glances at his phone, he realizes that it’s nearly nine pm and he still hasn’t heard from Buck. Eddie probably should have reached out earlier to confirm their plans, but he finds it kind of odd that Buck hadn’t texted him, either. 

So he texts Buck. _Hey are we still on for tomorrow?_

He watches for a bit to see if the three dots appear on the screen to indicate that Buck’s responding, but they don’t. It’s not until a half hour later that he gets a message back. _Sorry, I can’t. Sick :(_

And that...kind of sucks. Concern rises in him, but there's also a feeling of disappointment which lodges itself in his heart, sinking it to his stomach. As nervous as he was to talk about what last week meant for them and everything that it would imply, there was a part of him that felt unreasonably hopeful. 

Of course, the universe sought to fix that. 

He feels ridiculous as soon as he thinks it - he’s never been one to believe in signs from the universe, or anything like that. But either way, doubt begins to creep in, uncomfortable yet familiar, and a feeling of wrongness settles under Eddie’s skin. 

He types back a response and sends it before he has time to dwell on it. _Sorry, man - can i bring you anything?_

Another few minutes pass before he receives a response - _No but thank u_

The short text feels so unlike Buck, but he squashes down the anxiety that begs to rise, chalks it up to Buck feeling unwell. Buck is sick - that’s all.

He finds it hard to fall asleep that night, trying and failing not to jump to the worst conclusions. After an hour of tossing and turning, he pulls out a grass field guide and absorbs every detail until he tires himself out, his eyes drooping and his grip on the book slipping. 

* * *

Wednesday finds him and Christopher curled up on the couch after breakfast, with Chris tucked comfortably into his side and the both of them still in their pajamas. It’s a rare lazy morning, with nowhere to be and nothing to do now that Buck wouldn’t be coming over anymore. Like Eddie, Chris was also disappointed that Buck couldn’t come over, but he seemed just as happy to spend the day with Eddie. 

Eddie’s about to turn on the TV to find something for them to watch when he remembers the picture of the dragonfly from last week that he had been meaning to show Chris and tells him, “Oh, I got something to show you.” 

Chris perks up excitedly as Eddie grabs his phone from the coffee table, scrolling until he finds the picture and turning it so Chris can see. “It’s called a striped meadowhawk. He was hanging out with us for a bit before he flew off.” 

Chris gapes in awe at the photo before peering back up at Eddie, asking unbelievably, “You saw him?”

“Yeah, he’s pretty cool, huh?”

“The coolest,” Chris whispers reverently, “I wanna do your job.”

“Yeah? You’d be pretty good at it,” Eddie says, ruffling his hair gently. 

Chris smiles as he confesses, “I wanna work with you and Buck.”

“Maybe one day, kiddo. You gotta finish school first, but we’ll see lots of cool dragonflies in the meantime, yeah?”

Christopher nods, seemingly happy with that. He rests his cheek on Eddie’s chest, grinning adorably as he demands, “More pictures.” 

So he shows Christopher the rest of his pictures from the week - of the waterfalls they had visited, of the flowers they had encountered, of him flashing a thumbs-up among the field of lupines and mule-ears they had crossed on their long hike. 

At some point, Chris smiles, “I wanna see the pretty flowers, too,” and that’s what leads Eddie to the idea of taking him to see the poppies in Antelope Valley the following day.

The night before, after deliberating on the idea for an embarrassing amount of time, he decides to text Buck and invite him. He figures that Buck is probably still sick, but an uneasy feeling has settled in his gut since Buck cancelled on him the night before they were supposed to meet, and he just wants to see Buck, wants any reassurance that he’s making a mountain out of a molehill and nothing is actually wrong between them. 

So Eddie texts him - _hey, i was thinking about taking Chris to see the poppies in AV - feeling any better?_

He forces himself to put his phone down and a few minutes later, it chimes. A small thrill shoots through him when he notices it’s Buck (and _god_ , anytime he wanted to stop acting like a fucking middle school girl would be much appreciated), but it’s quickly deflated a moment later when he reads the text. 

_Sorry, still sick :( have fun though - tell chris i say hi_

And he had definitely expected that, so he’s not going to be upset about it, or read anything into it. Nope. 

So the next day, it ends up just being him and Christopher - not that Eddie’s upset about that all, really. As much as he wanted Buck to come, he cherishes the moments he gets to spend with just him and Chris. There was a stretch of time on the battlefield where he thought he wouldn’t get to have days like this, and even though he made it out, he doesn't take that for granted, ever. 

He dreads the years ahead where his kid won’t be as thrilled at the idea of spending an entire day with his dad, but for now he just lets himself enjoy it. 

As they make their way past the entrance and through the fields of poppies, a certain joy seizes him at the opportunity to share this love of his with his kid. He never really had the time to drive Christopher out to see the wildflower blooms when they lived in Texas - between working three jobs and just trying to make it back home in time to tuck his kid into bed (and not even being able to do just that, at times), the opportunity never presented itself. 

Looking back, though, he’s not sure if he would have shared that part of himself with Christopher, even if he did somehow have the time. By the time he returned home from Afghanistan, it seemed nonexistent, squashed - the flowers he had grown up around had seemed to lose their color; the bleakness of the desert seeped into everything and casted his world in shades of black and white. 

All except for his son, a perpetual splash of color among the darkness that seemed to envelop him. Even now that the rest of the colors have slowly returned to him, Christopher is still the brightest thing in his world. 

So something settles within him at seeing his son in this part of his world, his two loves sharing the same space. As they stroll among the fields of California poppies, the flowers are just as colorful as they had been when he was young, their golden hues glimmering brilliantly in the sunlight.

The trail is long, so Eddie ends up piggybacking Christopher around, much to Chris’ delight. He shrieks when a butterfly floats around them, extending a careful hand for it to perch on. The butterfly doesn’t take him up on it, just flutters away after a few moments, but Chris isn’t upset, just waves it a cheerful goodbye. 

After following one of the trails for a while and taking about a thousand pictures of and with Christopher among the poppies (all while being careful not to trample the flowers, unlike some tourists), they eventually head back to the car. Christopher strong-arms him into driving through McDonald’s (a new Spiderman toy was out and he _had_ to have it, apparently) and they spend the rest of the night watching _Tangled_. 

And so the rest of the week passes relatively uneventfully, nothing else providing too much of a distraction for his growing nerves about his situation with Buck. He checks in on the other man through text a few more times, extends another offer to bring him food or medicine or anything, but it’s turned down. 

He doesn’t know what to make of it, or if he’s ridiculous for making _anything_ of it when Buck’s probably just sick, but as Monday approaches, a feeling of unreasonable dread looms over him. 


	5. sequoia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took so long! it's extra long though, if that makes up for it

When Eddie gets to the Forest Service office that Monday, things are decidedly off.

He wasn’t really sure what to expect when he came in. After being blown off by Buck, who had apparently come down with some sort of vague sickness, he spent the rest of the week fluctuating between assuming the worst and berating himself for assuming the worst. 

Because Eddie was logical, if nothing else, and it felt completely illogical to dwell on something as small as canceled plans, but for all that he tried to put it out of his mind, the anxiety lingered. 

So that Monday, he got to the office a half-hour earlier than he normally would in the hope that he could catch Buck and talk with him before they were supposed to meet up with the rest of the crew. Even though they would have the rest of the week to talk, he was anxious to get a read on Buck before they had to be around everyone else. 

So maybe it was selfish and a little ridiculous, but he just wanted any reassurance that things between them were okay, that Buck had really just been sick and there was nothing more or less to it. 

However, any hopes of getting that reassurance before having to deal with everyone else were dashed - time got ahead of him, and five minutes before they were due in the office, there was still no sign of Buck. 

And while he doubts that Bobby would care if he were to show up a few minutes late, he only gives it another minute before he decides to head inside, a particular uneasiness burrowing its way under its skin. He’s always abided by a strict timeliness, which had only been fortified by his time in the army, and the prospect of cutting it so close racks up his anxiety. 

When he walks into the office, the rest of the crew is already there, lounging around the office and seemingly catching each other up on their off weeks. When they notice Eddie, they all greet him warmly, completely unaffected by the same urgency and anxiety as him. 

He relaxes just the slightest at that and sinks into a nearby chair as Hen returns to a recap of a meeting she had with an advisor for her graduate program. He listens along but finds his thoughts keep drifting to Buck, his dread building as he waits for the other man to come in.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when Hen turns to him and asks, “What about you, Eddie? How was your week?” 

He’s not about to tell them that he spent the week trying (and failing) to recover from the disappointment of being blown off by their coworker, and he hopes his face doesn’t betray anything as he stammers out, “Good. I, uh - I took Chris to go see the poppies in Antelope Valley and he had a good time there, so that was nice.” 

“Lucky,” Hen groans, “I tried to take Denny and we hadn’t even been there ten minutes before he was already asking to go home.”

“It’s not really everyone’s cup of tea, I guess,” Eddie offers, smiling. 

“That’s for sure,” Hen laughs, “Animal Crossing and Mario Kart - _that’s_ his cup of tea.” 

At that moment, Buck walks in, and he looks normal at first glance. 

But as he gives a halfhearted wave to everyone and flashes a smile, Eddie realizes it’s not genuine - it’s too tight and doesn’t reach his eyes. His gaze passes over Eddie and he acknowledges him briefly before moving towards the opposite side of the office.

And that...stings, to say the least. The pit that had been forming in Eddie’s gut since last week deepens, twisting his stomach uncomfortably as it caves in. 

A part of him hoped that Buck would come in and everything would be the same. He’d greet Eddie excitedly, whine about having to miss tamale night last week, and Eddie would realize that there had never been anything to worry about. 

Instead, Buck is pointedly avoiding his gaze as everyone converses around them. He chimes in now and then, but he’s withdrawn in a way that’s foreign and unsettling to Eddie. 

And Eddie doesn’t know what happened between their kiss in the parking lot last week and now, but he’s not surprised that he managed to find a way to ruin this before it’s even begun. 

The rest of the crew continues to make small talk as they pull out the folders of the plots they still need to visit before the season ends, creating something of a mess on the office floor. 

As Chim chews on a piece of gum (and thinking back on it, Eddie’s not sure if he’s ever seen the man without a piece of gum in his mouth), he comments offhandedly, “Looks like we still got plots in Yosemite, Mendocino, Sequoia, Klamath, and Inyo.” 

“Alright,” Bobby considers, jotting something down in his notebook before continuing, “I’m thinking we should be able to get Yosemite and Sequoia out of the way this week, if that’s good with everyone. I’ll leave it up to you guys to figure out who goes where.” 

Chim shoots up, raising a finger as he interjects, “We call dibs on Yosemite.” 

Hen rolls her eyes before looking in Buck and Eddie’s direction and checking, “That okay with you guys?” 

Eddie glances over to Buck, who seems to be making a point of not looking back at him. Instead, Buck just nods his consent, and Eddie distractedly adds on some verbal confirmation to that. 

Hen thanks them but shoots them both an odd look before turning back to the folders, pulling out the Yosemite files and spreading them between herself and Chim. 

Similarly, Eddie grabs the Sequoia files and watches from the corner of his eye as Buck makes his way over to him. When he settles down next to Eddie, Eddie tries to smile at him. He’s slightly worried it comes off as a grimace but he squashes that concern down as he asks, “Hey, uh - how are you feeling?”

Buck still doesn’t look at him, just absent-mindedly grabs a stack of folders. “What?” 

Eddie’s brows furrow, “Uh - last week, you said you were sick. Are you feeling better?” 

“Oh,” Buck exhales, “Yeah - thanks.” 

And his shifty behavior raises even more questions in Eddie’s head, but that’s the end of the conversation. Everything about Buck right now - his short replies, his stiff posture, his rigid concentration on the folders - communicates that he’s not inclined to talk. 

So Eddie doesn’t push it, and they both fixate their attention on the folders for all the sites, finding and marking their plots on a large map of Sequoia in silence. 

Two weeks ago when they had been ironing out the details for their trip, Buck had been pressed firmly against his side, a warm and pleasant presence that had quietly thrilled Eddie. Now, Buck just feels cold and distant as he tries to put whatever space he could between himself and Eddie. 

At some point, Buck gets up to walk over to Bobby and says something low and quiet to him as he tilts his head towards the door. A moment later, Buck is walking out of the office with Bobby in tow. 

They don’t close the door entirely when they leave and they don’t go far either - just down the hall, really - so while he can’t hear any of what they’re saying, he sees the way Buck looks at Bobby pleadingly, his eyes tinged red around the edges. 

And Bobby...Bobby looks remorseful, if anything. He pats Buck on the shoulder sympathetically as Buck seems to go limp with disappointment.

At that, he averts his gaze back to the map he’s supposed to be working on. Considering everything, it feels ridiculous at this point to try to convince himself that their conversation wasn’t about him, and an aching sadness makes itself known, burrowing its way into Eddie’s chest. 

By the time Bobby and Buck make it back to the office, the rest of them have finished plotting out the sites and gathering the rest of the gear they’ll need. Hen and Chim quickly break off to start hauling gear into their rig, and Bobby gets caught in a conversation with another botanist who Eddie’s seen around the office a few times, so it’s just the two of them left in the room. 

Buck’s gathering the field computer and stack of folders for their plots when Eddie decides to bite the bullet. He coughs, carefully asking, “Everything good with you and Bobby?”

He doesn’t know why he asks that, but he just wants to talk, wants to find out what he did so wrong so he could at least try to fix it. 

But Buck doesn’t take the bait. 

Instead, he just tries to wave him off, throws out some halfhearted reassurance before awkwardly stalking past him towards the parking lot. 

_Good talk_ , Eddie thinks, bitter and irritated. He never thought he would have to pull on Buck’s ears to have a conversation, but here they are. 

Eddie grabs his backpack and a metal detector before following Buck out to the lot. He throws the gear into the rig before making his way to his truck and pulling out his camping equipment, duffel bag, and groceries he packed for the week. 

Buck does the same, and when the last of it is loaded into the rig, Buck looks around, careful to avoid eye contact with Eddie, and asks, “We all set?” 

Eddie responds, stiff and awkward, “Yeah, all good to go.” 

And once they’re both settled into the truck, Buck wastes no time before feeding the cassette of the seventh book of A Series of Unfortunate Events into the stereo.

A flare of irritation bursts within Eddie at that. He hates avoidance, hates passive aggressiveness; it's too close to the years of silence that dragged between him and Shannon, both of them never saying what they wanted to, instead just allowing the resentment and anger to build over the years until it became all-consuming. 

So the moment Tim Curry’s voice floats through the stereo of the rig, Eddie leans over to turn it off. Buck quickly turns to him, ready to protest, but Eddie beats him to it. “Buck, did I do something?”

Buck’s face falls for a moment, his features twisting as he turns away from Eddie and towards the window to his side. He stares out for another moment, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel, and asks, small and desperate, “Eddie, can we please just listen to the book?” 

“No, we can’t. Buck, if I did something-”

Buck snaps, distressed, “You didn’t do anything, okay? Can we _please_ just not talk about this?” 

And whatever fight he had in him moments ago dissipates at that, leaving behind nothing but a cold and crushing disappointment. If Buck doesn’t want to talk about it, Eddie won’t make him. Whatever he had done, it seemed to be past the point of fixing. 

So he just sinks back into his seat, folding his arms over his chest as he gives up. Buck switches the stereo back on and the conversation is over. Barely a moment later, he’s reversing out of the parking spot, and then they’re off. 

As the monotonous landscapes of the California highways pass them by, the enthusiastic narrations of Tim Curry fill the silence of the rig, but Eddie doesn’t notice any of it. He just stares out the window as everything happens around him, turns himself over to the barrage of doubts and fears he no longer had any refuge from, not when the truth was laid out so clearly for him. 

More than disappointed, more than frustrated, more than anything, Eddie feels so fucking _stupid_. Stupid for hoping, stupid for thinking he could have something as good as whatever _this_ was or could have been, stupid for believing that he could have been enough for someone who burned as bright as Buck. 

Because being around Buck made him forget. Because the way Buck would laugh heartily at Eddie’s dry jokes, the way he would brighten at Eddie’s praise, the way he would gaze at Eddie as if he was someone worth it all - it got him all confused, turned around. 

But he gives it all up now, and they continue along the bleak highway. 

The whole ride up north is uncomfortable, though thankfully shorter than their rides from the last few weeks, but it doesn’t matter much because they’re still stuck with each other and only each other for the next week. 

So setting up camp is equally uncomfortable, and making dinner together even more so. The table they brought to set the stove on top of isn’t large by any means, so there’s limited room for them to spread out and not be in each other’s space while working on their respective cooking duties. Luckily, they both silently come to a mutual understanding that they would make quick work of it. While cooking dinner had always been a relaxed and leisurely dance between them, it was now awkward and hurried. It only takes them ten minutes between the two of them to finish preparing the meal, and Eddie just wants the night to be over already. 

Buck pulls out his camping chair from the rig and settles into it with his plate in his lap, but Eddie lingers by the table instead of pulling up a chair and joining him. Since the day started, Buck has made it abundantly clear how much he doesn’t want to be around Eddie, and Eddie won’t push it.

So he just pokes at his food, a simple vegetable pasta which he doesn’t even feel like eating. He’s thinking about calling Chris after dinner, desperately in need of the dose of cheerfulness and contentment his kid’s presence always delivers after this disaster of a day, when he catches movement out of the corner of his eye. 

When he glances over, it’s hard to miss the way that Buck trembles in the harsh evening chill, his arms tucked close to his center as he tries to eat, and even though Eddie’s hurt and maybe a little bitter, it’s hard to watch. 

So he leaves his plate on the table and starts wordlessly gathering branches from around the campsite, dumping them in the fire pit once he has enough for a good fire. 

Buck looks up at him at that, his eyes widening before darting back down to his plate, and it’s still light enough out that Eddie can make out the way his features contort as he picks at his food. 

But Eddie doesn’t say anything, just ignites the fire and moves to head back to the table when Buck breaks the silence. 

“Eddie,” he says, his voice rough and thick as he finally meets Eddie’s eyes, “I’m sorry.” 

Eddie doesn’t move, just gazes down at Buck. “For what?”

“I don’t know. Everything,” Buck confesses, wringing his hands, and Eddie doesn’t know exactly what to make of it. 

It feels like a conclusion, the door definitively closing on whatever they could have been. And if hope was sweet, then its opposite was acidic, corrosive. He felt a certain misery eroding at his heart, feasting on the hope that had once lived there. 

But for all he was upset, how could he blame Buck for something that even Eddie had known was inevitable? 

And really, it wasn’t on Buck, because he should have known better - what kind of person feels this way about someone they’ve known for barely a month? He never thought he was the type to care about someone so quickly, but there was something inexplicable about Buck that made him want to shed the armor he’s worn since his youth, made him feel like he didn’t have to shoulder the weight of everything alone, like he could be known and still loved. 

But the more he thinks about it, the more ridiculous it all sounds. People like Eddie...they don’t get that. 

So he just swallows, reassures, “It’s okay, Buck.” 

“It’s not okay,” Buck insists, splaying his hands over his thighs, “Look, I know - I _know_ I screwed everything up, but can we still be friends?” 

And Buck looks at him so hopefully, his eyes shining with emotion, and Eddie knows he’ll give Buck anything he asks. So he nods, says, “Yeah, Buck - of course.” 

And he means it - he can be Buck’s friend, if nothing else. 

“Really? We’re...we’re okay?”

Eddie tries to muster up a smile, and he hopes that it passes as genuine. “Yeah, we’re okay.” 

* * *

Eddie’s up early the next morning, and a certain heaviness perches on his chest the moment he peels his eyes open - which immediately annoys him, because he needs to get over this already. Whatever possibility that had existed for them was over now, and moping about it wasn’t doing anyone any good. 

So with the intention of clearing his head before he’s expected to shoulder through the day, he decides to stroll through the patch of trees that surround their campground.

Which ends up not being the relaxing and meditative walk he had wanted. An abundance of gooseberry shrubs litter the forest floor, their spiny stems and fruits poking at Eddie’s leg through his pants. It’s not too long at all before he ends up turning back, and he finds himself feeling irritated and snubbed.

He heads back to the campsite and unsurprisingly (or surprisingly, Eddie really can’t say anymore), Buck is there waiting for him at the stove, sipping at a thermos of coffee while a second one sits on the table.

Despite the frustration that seemed to cling to him, something settles in him at the sight, and he starts to hope that maybe things could eventually return to normal for them.

Because even if Eddie had to be more careful about what he did and said around Buck, he didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Not even to mention that the week would be unbearably uncomfortable if they couldn’t find it in themselves to get along. 

“Morning, Buck,” he greets tiredly.

Buck smiles, soft and careful, “Morning. Good walk?”

“Didn’t get too far,” Eddie shrugs, “Too many gooseberries.”

Buck makes a sympathetic noise before sliding the thermos that had been sitting on the table over to him. “Have you ever tried them?” 

“Seems kinda painful,” Eddie jokes, alluding to the sharp spines covering the berries. 

Buck rolls his eyes, “Yeah, if you bite straight into them like a moron. I mean like in a jam or something.”

“No, I haven’t. Are they any good?”

Buck nods adamantly, humming a small _uh-huh_ before explaining, “On one of our trips, Bobby and I gathered a bunch of them and spent the next few weeks making syrup and jam and sorbet with the stuff. It all turned out really good but I couldn’t look at gooseberries for the next few months after that.” 

Eddie cracks a smile, “Everything in moderation, I guess.”

“Precisely,” Buck grins. “Anyway, what are you feeling for breakfast?” 

“I could go for a good omelette,” Eddie suggests. 

“Fuck, that sounds good,” Buck agrees, “You wanna check the cooler? I think we have some leftover veggies from last night.” 

“On it,” Eddie chimes, heading to the rig, and things feel okay, if not still a bit delicate.

* * *

Since the drive to the first site is relatively long, they decide to resume their binge of _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ , which Eddie is more than grateful for. Even though the atmosphere in the rig isn’t nearly as tense as it had been yesterday, Eddie is still struggling to figure out how to navigate this new territory between them. While he had never felt at a loss with Buck before (except for in those first few hours of meeting each other), he doesn’t know what he can or can’t say. 

Buck is fiddling with the cassette for the eighth book when he finally admits, “I’m gonna be honest with you, I wasn’t paying attention at all yesterday.”

It feels fragile to talk about the disaster that was yesterday, and Eddie inwardly cringes at the reminder of how awful and uncomfortable the day had been, but he shoves it down. 

“Me neither,” Eddie admits, “Wanna relisten to it?” 

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Buck agrees as he rewinds the tape of the seventh book, still in the player, to the beginning. 

The next half hour or so passes like that, comfortable enough as they absorb themselves in the happenings of the Baudelaire siblings, all until they begin to endure their own series of unfortunate events, which includes a wrong turn down a service road that sends them down a barely navigable track and ends up turning into an hour detour. 

And even though they’re both frustrated, it’s obvious that they’re both walking on eggshells, careful to avoid setting the other off. 

After a while, they do get to the meadow and find the plot, which ends up being beyond a cattle enclosure and helpfully marked by a T-Post. They throw their gear and backpacks over the wired fence before carefully jumping over it themselves. 

But apparently not careful enough, in Eddie’s case. He hisses as a bent piece of wire catches on him, jabbing into his side uncomfortably. Buck shoots him a concerned look and checks, “You okay?”

Eddie waves him off, reassuring, “Yeah, I’m good,” before grabbing his pack from the ground and moving further into the meadow. He rubs his side absentmindedly and the pain quickly ebbs. 

They continue to make their way through the field, and using the metal detector, they find the rebar indicating the boundaries of the plot. They’re in the middle of offloading their gear when a disgruntled animal noise cuts across the meadow. 

Eddie’s eyes shoot up to notice a dark bull emerging from the stretch of pine trees that border the opposite edge of the meadow. It heads towards them slowly and carefully, its pace steady as it stares them down. 

Not wanting to make any sudden movements, the two of them glance at each other in a mutual understanding before they move to carefully grab their packs and gear from the ground. 

The bull stops in its tracks for a moment, still far enough away, and digs its hoof into the ground, bellowing angrily as it continues to glare at them. 

Buck urges quietly, “On the count of three, we make a run for it, okay?”

Eddie nods, and under his breath, Buck counts _one_ , _two_ , _three_ \- and then they’re off, rushing towards the fence they had climbed over just a few minutes ago. Eddie chances a glance behind him and finds the bull chasing after them, which only makes his legs pump faster. 

Once they’re close enough, they hurl their gear over the fence and then push themselves over a moment later, not caring to avoid the jagged pieces of wire this time around. They collapse in a heap on the other side a moment later, their limbs knocking into each other. 

Eddie doesn’t know how much time they spend sprawled out on the ground trying to catch their breath, but at some point they catch each other’s eyes and immediately break out into laughter, their bodies shaking with the force of it. 

The bull, which now glares at them from a couple of yards away, grunts frustratedly before turning away. 

Buck calls out, “Sorry?” which only makes Eddie lose it again. 

Buck laughs, “Can you imagine how embarrassing it would’ve been if we were killed by a bull in the prime of our lives?”

“What a way to go,” Eddie cackles, throwing his arm over his chest. 

Still chuckling, Buck suggests, “Let’s call this meadow a bust and head back? I’m not trying to tempt fate again.”

Eddie pulls himself up from the ground, “Yeah, let’s get out of here, man.” 

And as much as Eddie would like to avoid a bull attack in the future, he’s not too upset about it. Whatever remaining tension that had continued to seize them finally broke, and Eddie felt like he could finally breathe. 

* * *

It’s another long drive to their next site, and they turn on the tape for _The Vile Village_ as they slowly make their way over the bumpy as hell service roads. 

The books are short, so by the time they’re close to the meadow, they’re nearly at the end. When they get to the point where the Baudelaire siblings climb the rope ladder to a hot-air mobile home of safety, just for it to be shot down by a harpoon gun, Buck groans, throwing his head back in frustration. 

“They were so close, Eds,” he says, smacking his face with his palm, “Can’t just one of these books end on a happy note?”

“You’re reading the wrong series, bud. I’d be surprised if there was a happy ending at the end of the whole thing, honestly.”

“What? Of course there will be,” Buck insists. 

Eddie shakes his head, “No way - it’s literally a series of unfortunate events, Buck. What about everything we’ve read so far makes you think there will be a happy ending?” 

Buck looks at him wildly, “You can’t just end an entire series on an unhappy ending, that’s crazy.”

“If any author was to do it, I think it’d be this one.”

“Okay, then. Since you’re so sure, let’s make a bet. Loser has to do all the data entry at the end of the season.”

“High stakes,” Eddie comments, considering the offer for a moment before he grins, “You’re on.”

Buck pretends to spit in his free hand before holding it out towards Eddie to shake, which he does as he fondly rolls his eyes at Buck’s antics. 

* * *

As it turns out, even though he nearly got trampled by a bull at the last meadow, Eddie thinks he would still prefer it to the one they’re currently working in. 

It’s actually a pretty meadow, if not standard - it’s just a large clearing surrounded by trees, as many of them were. So it would’ve been fine, if not for the over-abundance of thistles. The leaves, stems, and flowers of the plants were covered in prickles, and it was hard to move throughout the meadow without being poked by their sharp spines. 

At one point, he sits on the ground, thinking he had thoroughly checked for any thistle growth in the area, only to be pricked in the ass by a young thistle leaf he had missed. 

He curses as he stands, and by the sympathetic grimace on Buck’s face, Eddie can tell that he put it together. 

“Today is just not our day, huh?” 

“Nope,” Eddie agrees, “I don’t have a favorite flower yet, but I definitely have a least favorite now.”

“And very well deserved, at that,” Buck grins before standing from the foldable chair, “Here, let me take over for a bit. I’m wearing my thick pants today so I’m basically untouchable.” 

“If you insist,” Eddie says, also standing and walking towards the chair. 

“Anything to help a damsel in distress.”

Eddie just stares at him for a moment before shaking his head, “You’re lucky I put up with you.” 

“That I am,” Buck grins cheekily, beaming, and it takes everything in Eddie to look away. 

* * *

Since their work at the first meadow was aborted, they got back to their campsite much earlier than they would have, and so by the time they finish eating dinner, it’s still light and early. 

They’re finishing with cleaning up when Buck suggests, “It won’t be dark for a while - you wanna play some cards?” 

“Sure,” Eddie agrees, “What are you thinking?”

“Ever heard of _Stress_?”

“I’m familiar with the concept,” Eddie jokes. 

Buck laughs, tilting his head towards the table, “Come on, I’ll teach you.”

It ends up being more straightforward than Eddie would have predicted from a game that Buck enjoyed - each person is given five piles of four cards and the rest of the deck is strewn face-up across the middle of the table, except for one card - the “stress card,” which remains face down throughout the game. The goal is to end up with four of a kind in each of the five piles, which can be accomplished by swapping cards between the five piles or from the cards in the middle - the first person to achieve this slaps the stress card to announce their victory.

Buck wins the first few rounds, smugly slapping the stress card each time, and Eddie isn’t surprised in the least that Buck is an obnoxious winner. 

And so naturally when Eddie wins his first round, Buck sulks dramatically in his chair, folding his arms over his chest as he mutters something about beginner’s luck. As Eddie reshuffles the deck for the next round, he shakes his head in feigned disappointment and remarks, “You are such a sore loser.”

Buck frowns petulantly, but his tone is playful as he shrugs, “Don’t get too used to winning, Eds.” 

“Sure thing, Buck,” Eddie says, rolling his eyes fondly. A small burst of warmth flickers within him at Buck’s nickname for him, and he inwardly cringes at himself as he deals the cards. 

A half-hour later and Buck is forced to eat his words, because Eddie wins four of the five following rounds. 

“You’re no fun, man,” Buck pouts as he slumps back in his chair after his third consecutive loss. 

Eddie smirks, “You’re only saying that because you keep losing.”

“Obviously,” Buck concedes plainly, cracking a lopsided smile. 

They play for another hour or so until the sun sets, and Buck doesn’t become any less of a sore loser. Eddie tries to let him win a round and Buck immediately picks up on it and whines about not wanting to be pitied. 

Luckily for Buck, nightfall provides an easy excuse to stop playing for the night, even though he challenges Eddie to another game night in the future, standing by the conviction that this entire night was just a flook. 

* * *

The next day they get an early start, already anticipating the day to be a long one. Similar to their last work week, they have one site that isn’t accessible by any roads and requires them to hike in a little over six miles. 

Thankfully, though, there’s a trail this time around. Usually, they have to stumble over fallen logs and brambly shrubs as they try to find their way to their plots, and so even though the hike is long, it’s made easier by the defined route and the cleared trails. 

They’ve been walking for a little over an hour, Eddie leading the way, when he hears a distinctive rattling noise. He pauses, looking around to find the source of the noise, and just as he notices a rattlesnake nearly hidden by a shrub bordering the trail, Buck catches up to him. 

Eddie throws out his arm, which connects with Buck’s chest and stops him in his tracks. 

“What-”

“Rattlesnake,” Eddie explains, “We should be good as long as we keep close to the other edge.”

“Yeah, okay,” Buck exhales, “Thanks.” 

Buck shoots him a look that Eddie doesn’t know what to make of, but he tries not to think of it as he leads the way again. 

* * *

It’s another hour and a half before they make it to Manter Meadow, and it’s huge, to say the least. They both stop in their tracks when the meadow finally comes into sight, and the notion of having to find their tiny plot within the vast field seems a bit daunting. 

“This should be a piece of cake,” Buck quips sarcastically as he hitches the metal detector higher on his shoulder. 

Eddie takes the lead on the directions, and the hand-drawn map made by the crew working on the same project a decade ago turns out to be helpful since not much has changed in the years since. 

They wade through the tall vegetation, and despite the long trek, it’s peaceful. Bright green grasses and brown sedges wave in the wind, with white yampah and yarrow flowers littering the meadow. Rocky mountains dotted with pine trees surround the meadow, and as they walk Buck points them out to him, telling him the names of all the peaks. 

It turns out that the plot is helpfully marked by a T-post, so even though they have to hike deep into the meadow to find it, establishing the boundaries of the plot is relatively easy. 

Eddie’s first up to read the plot, so while Buck lounges on a comfortable patch of grass with the field computer perched on his lap, Eddie works his way down the line created by the measuring tape, dictating which species are rooted along it. 

When he calls out “PEPA” for _Perideridia parishii_ , Buck sits up in his chair and eagerly shouts, “You got yampah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie calls back, already returning his attention to the frame to identify the other plants rooted within it. 

“You should taste the leaves, man,” Buck suggests gleefully.

Eddie looks up, squinting his eyes as he asks, “This isn’t you trying to poison me, right?” 

“And let you get out of your half of the work? No way,” Buck laughs, “Just trust me.” 

“Alright,” Eddie says with a feigned skepticism, tearing off a leaf from the plant and biting at it gingerly. It has a distinctive carrot-like taste, which makes sense considering they’re in the same plant family, but it’s pleasant all the same. 

“Handy ID skill, right?” 

“Do you usually eat the leaves of every plant you come across?” 

“Not anymore,” Buck grins. 

“Probably a good call,” Eddie smirks as he returns to his work.   
  


* * *

The rest of the day is long and tiring, and around four hours later, they finally make it back at their campground, both of them starving and exhausted from the day. 

When they get back to the campground, Buck wastes no time to move towards their food supply, and Eddie curiously asks, “What are you thinking for dinner?”

Buck rifles through the cooler, searching for something as he answers distractedly, “Bobby sent me a new recipe for a chimichurri sauce that I’ve been wanting to try out with the steak we got, if that’s okay with you.”

“So I’m just your guinea pig, huh?”

“You say that like I’m feeding you poison,” Buck protests, “But I guess I could always just eat all this steak myself.”

“I don’t know if _that’s_ what I was suggesting.”

“It’s too bad,” Buck says, pretending to grimace sympathetically, “Maybe you could make yourself some burnt eggs for dinner?” 

“Okay, rude,” Eddie retorts, “But Buck, I sincerely apologize. I’ll happily eat whatever experiment you put on my plate.” 

“Thank you,” Buck accepts pointedly. 

And an hour later when the meal is finally ready, Eddie eats his steak happily. 

* * *

The next morning unsurprisingly finds them at another meadow, this one covered in soft, short grass, still damp from morning dew. There were a couple of fallen logs strewn across the field and overall it was a relatively busy meadow, with an abundance of different wildflowers and grasses growing there. It made reading the plot a long-going process, but just in this meadow alone he’s seen a bunch of wildflower species he hadn’t come across yet, so it was more than worth it. 

They finish after a couple of hours and Eddie’s in the middle of rolling up the measuring tapes when he hears Buck call for him from across the meadow. “Eddie! Over here, man!”

He’d been so caught up in packing everything up that he hadn’t even noticed how far Buck had traveled away from their plot. He shouts, “What are you doing over there?”

“Just come over here,” Buck urges again, waving a hand towards himself. 

He makes his way over to where Buck is and when he gets closer, finds him pointing gleefully to a patch of aconitum, or - 

“Wolfsbane!” Buck helpfully chimes, “We lucked out.” 

“What do you mean? Isn’t it poisonous?” 

“In a way, yeah. But tonight’s a full moon,” he says, as if that explains it all. 

Eddie just blinks at him slowly, not understanding. “Okay?” 

“You know, the full moon - when all the werewolves and other creatures crawl out of their caves for the night.” 

Eddie laughs as he raises an eyebrow at him. “You don’t really believe in all that, do you?”

“I don’t _not_ believe in it,” Buck explains playfully. 

“Alright. So tell me, how’s the wolfsbane supposed to help us tonight?”

“Well, the lore says different things about the specifics, but it’s a good thing to have on you anyway as a sort of general protection.” 

“Okay, and this is where I’ll remind you that it’s literally poisonous.”

“Only if you don’t know what you’re doing,” Buck quips before adding, “I’m not actually gonna take it, anyway. There’s not a bunch of it growing here and I care more about conservation than I do about a werewolf attack.”

“Saint Buckley,” Eddie retorts teasingly.

And Buck eats it up, musing, “It’s got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Absolutely not. Your ego’s big enough without sainthood.” 

Buck groans, throwing his head back petulantly, “You know, I’m gonna tell Bobby you’re bullying me one of these days.”

“Tattletale,” Eddie mocks, and Buck shoves him playfully in response. 

* * *

Later that evening, they’re lounging at their campsite and the full moon hangs low in the sky, illuminating the dark night sky. 

Buck stands from his chair and moves to the cooler. He calls out to Eddie, “Hey, you want a beer?” 

“Yeah, actually. Thanks,” Eddie replies. 

A moment later, Buck is back with two beer bottles. He hands one to Eddie, which he gratefully accepts, before taking a swig of his own and settling back into his chair. 

“Okay, but hear me out. Even without all the supernatural stuff, the full moon is still super weird. It’s been shown to affect sleeping patterns, fertility cycles, hunting patterns, rainfall, mating patterns - practically everything goes haywire when it’s a full moon.” 

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, “And where’d you learn all this?”

“Google,” Buck says, a proud grin plastered on his face. 

Eddie chuckles in disbelief, “Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to believe everything you read on the internet?” 

A moment later, there’s the distinctive rumble of a thundercloud, and it’s the only warning they get before it begins pouring rain. 

Eddie groans, “For real?” 

“See?” Buck shouts over the loud rain, “I told you it affects rainfall!” 

“Do you ever give up?” Eddie taunts before tilting his head towards his tent and urging, “Come on, let’s get out of this.” 

Buck follows him and Eddie makes quick work of unzipping his tent and ushering Buck inside before heading in himself. The rain beats heavily against the thin material of his tent, and he’s briefly grateful that he thought to attach the rainfly earlier that morning. 

Digging through his duffel bag, he finds a sweater for himself to change into, as well as a spare sweater for Buck, who’s already shivering in his thin, damp shirt. 

Eddie throws the sweater at Buck and when Buck just looks at him quizzically, Eddie shrugs, “Don’t want you getting sick again.”

“Right,” he responds oddly, not looking at Eddie as he pulls off his wet shirt and slips on the sweater. 

Eddie still remembers how shifty Buck had acted on their first day back when he asked him how he was feeling, and the impression he got then that Buck had lied about being sick is only reinforced now. 

Because for all that they were able to recover from the tension created by the previous week, Eddie still had no idea what actually happened, and it was moments like this when he found himself wanting to know what the fuck went wrong. 

He mulls it over as he changes into dry clothes and surprises himself when he asks, “Were you actually sick last week?”

Buck stares at him for a moment, his eyes widening in what looked like guilt. Another moment passes and he ducks his head, exhaling a quiet, “No.”

At Buck’s confession, irritation quickly swells within Eddie, heavy and acidic, and he bites out, “You know, you could’ve just told me you didn’t want to come instead of lying.” 

“I did want to come,” Buck insists, his head lifting to meet Eddie’s gaze. 

And Eddie - Eddie is so tired of this, of never knowing where he stood with Buck and of never seeming to understand the other man. He feels like he’s just constantly been yanked around on a chain by Buck, heading in one direction one moment and pulled in the opposite direction the next. It’s always been him following Buck’s lead, but he’s tired and at the end of his rope.

So he snaps, “Then why didn’t you?”

“My ex was in town.”

“Oh,” Eddie exhales, feeling as if he had been slapped. He wonders why Buck is even bothering telling him this, and Buck looks surprised that he said it, too, a look of regret crossing his face almost immediately. 

Buck scrambles to explain, “It’s not - it’s not like that, or whatever you’re thinking. She just showed up at my place - I don’t even know how she got my address, honestly.” 

There’s a bitter taste in his mouth, but he interjects, “Look, you don’t have to explain anything to me.”

“I do, though - I want to. Because last week it felt like we were on the edge of something, right? And I-I know I blew any chance we had, but still, I don’t know - I don’t want you to think anything happened with her. I wouldn’t do that,” he rambles frantically, looking at Eddie with a desperate look. 

“If nothing happened with her then why did you blow me off?”

“I was just trying to do the right thing,” he says, looking crestfallen, “I like you, Eddie, a lot. But you - you don’t want to be in a relationship with me.” 

Eddie stares at him, blinking slowly. “I thought I made it kinda obvious last week that I _did_ want that.”

Buck just shakes his head, dropping his gaze again defeatedly. 

Eddie carefully shifts a bit closer, “What’s going on, Buck? Because last week it seemed like we were on the same page, and now - now, I don’t know.”

“Nothing’s going on, Eddie,” Buck insists. 

“What, was it something your ex said?” 

Buck sighs, frustrated, “She didn’t say anything I didn’t already know.” 

And god, if he thought he had a talent for beating around the bush, Buck takes home the gold medal. 

“Buck, I can’t read your mind,” Eddie says, a bit pleadingly, “Help me out here.”

At that, Buck’s resolve seems to weaken, his form slumping. “It’s embarrassing, man. You don’t need to hear about it.”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care.” 

Buck’s face contorts, and he ducks his head as he runs his hands through his hair. 

“You shouldn’t,” he insists, his voice rough, “Really, Eddie - just take the get out of jail free card for what it is.” 

With a bit more force, he says, “Can you stop trying to push me away? I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.” 

“Eddie, please,” he chokes out, his breath hitching as he inhales sharply, “You think you wanna be here, but you don’t get it. I - I’m too much. I jump into things headfirst and make things out to be way more than they are. I did it with Abby, and now I’m doing it with you, and sooner or later, you’ll realize it just like she and everyone else did.” 

“Buck, what does that even mean?”

“It _means_ that there’s a reason why everyone leaves,” he croaks before taking a shaky breath, “I’m giving you an out, Eddie.”

And it’s laughable, really. Because all Eddie’s ever done is search for the exit sign of every building, every responsibility. Everything always felt like more than he could handle, more than he was worth. But Eddie -

\- Eddie is so tired of running. He missed precious years of his son’s youth because all he knew how to do was run, and he found that there was only so long and so far he could run before his problems outran him. 

There’s something about Buck that makes him want to stay, makes him want to dig his heels in the mud and fight. 

So he tells the truth, tells Buck, “I don’t want it.” 

“Eddie-” he protests weakly, his face scrunching up.

“No - just listen to me, okay?” Eddie says, reaching out for Buck’s hands and grasping them in his own. He takes a breath to steady himself; he’s never been one to lay himself bare, but he wants to, for Buck. “I like you, a lot. And I’ve...never really felt this way before, with anyone. So everything you’re feeling? I feel it, too. You’re not making things out to be more than they are.” 

Buck swallows, his hands tightening around Eddie’s, “I’m not?”

He looks at Eddie so hopefully, his eyes shining with emotion, and a sense of certainty washes over him at that. The knowledge that he’s not alone in his affection or his fear emboldens him, makes everything feel safer, and so he lays his hand at the juncture between Buck’s neck and shoulder, moves closer until their chests are touching. He can feel the way Buck’s chest heaves against his, anticipation and hope dragging each breath. 

“No,” Eddie whispers, holding his gaze, “You’re not.”

His eyes briefly flicker down to Buck’s lips and then back up to meet Buck’s eyes askingly, and when Buck gives him a small, almost imperceptible nod, it’s all Eddie needs to press his lips to Buck’s, capturing them in a gentle kiss. Buck melts into the kiss almost instantly, releasing a soft, content sigh as he does. 

He didn’t know it was possible to miss something he barely had, but he realizes just how much missed the feel of Buck’s lips against his, even though it had barely been over a week since they had last kissed. He thought he wouldn’t get to do this again, and a sense of relief and gratitude rushes over him, makes him press that much more into the kiss. 

Buck pulls at his bottom lip, and Eddie tilts Buck’s head back, deepening the kiss and licking into Buck’s mouth. Buck moans, his hands flying to Eddie’s waist to pull him closer against him. And Buck - Buck is everywhere, overwhelming Eddie’s senses until his world narrows down to the warmth of Buck’s skin under his hands, the earthy smell of rain that clings to the other man, the addicting taste that floods his mouth. 

Buck pulls and Eddie pushes and somehow they end up flat against the fabric of Eddie’s sleeping bag, their limbs intertwined as their mouths meet over and over again, neither of them wanting to pull away for too long.

And for all of the heat and urgency, they don’t go any further than that. Eddie doesn’t know how long they go on for, exchanging kisses until they’re too tired to continue, but at some point, sleep begins to tug at them and they eventually fall asleep wrapped in a loose embrace. As they drift off, the soft pattering of rain continues outside and the luminescence of the full moon casts a soft light through the thin material of the tent, and Eddie’s heart sings with how right the world feels in this moment. 

* * *

Eddie wakes to the soft morning light and Buck wrapped around him, his face pillowed on his chest and his arm and leg thrown over Eddie’s body. 

The air is chilled and even from within the tent, he can detect the comforting smell of damp earth from last night’s rain. Starting to feel the cold seep into his bones, he pulls the material of his sleeping bag tighter around them both and leans into Buck’s solid warmth all the more. 

Buck’s small puffs of breath tickle Eddie’s skin and Eddie’s just...overcome with a fondness for him. He lets himself thumb at Buck’s birthmark, rubbing at it gently, and it’s not long before Buck begins to stir awake. He makes a soft noise before his eyes peel open, locking onto Eddie’s almost instantly.

“Morning,” he smiles, gentle and tentative. His eyes search Eddie’s for a moment, a bit uncertain, but it fades when Eddie presses a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He melts into Eddie’s embrace, and when he pulls away, it’s hard to miss the way Buck’s eyes shine with a quiet joy. 

“Morning,” Eddie returns. 

Buck stifles a small yawn as he asks, “Have you been up long?”

Eddie shakes his head, “Only a couple of minutes. It’s late, though.” 

Buck whines, nuzzling his head into Eddie’s chest, “Do we really have to get up?”

“I think the higher-ups would suggest it,” Eddie chuckles. 

Buck groans lightheartedly before peeling himself away from Eddie, and Eddie finds himself instantly missing his warmth. “Then I guess I’ll get the coffee going.” 

Before he pulls away completely, he bends down to kiss Eddie gently, and Eddie grins into the kiss. He parts and kisses the tip of his nose before shuffling out of the tent, and Eddie is left still grinning like an idiot. 

He makes quick work of pulling on his work clothes and cleaning himself up before joining Buck outside, and when he walks up to the table, he sees that the coffee is already ready. 

“This one’s for you,” Buck indicates, offering a thermos to him, and Eddie quickly wraps his hands around it, grateful for the heat it emits. 

They take a moment to drink their coffee and warm themselves up, wrapped in a fleeting, peaceful stillness. 

Buck takes another sip from his thermos before clearing his throat, “So, we should probably talk, right?”

“Probably,” Eddie echoes, smirking, “Not talking hasn’t really worked out for us so far.”

“So weird,” Buck retorts before taking a deep breath, “Okay, so...where do we go from here?”

“Where do you want us to go, Buck?” 

Eddie knows where he wants them to go, and even though it feels like there was a definitive shift between them last night, he wants to be sure of what Buck wants out of this. 

Buck sets his thermos back on the table, a determined look setting into his expression as he asserts, “I want us to be together. Like... _together_ together, boyfriend and boyfriend, all that.” 

“I want that, too,” he says, smiling into his thermos, “You’re sure about this?” 

“More than anything,” Buck returns firmly.

“Okay, good,” he says, and it’s as easy as that. Even after everything, he trusts Buck. 

“Very good,” Buck echoes, grinning. 

After that, they break away to carry out the motions of the day - they make breakfast together, pack the rig, and drive out to the first meadow, and while Eddie may have thought that it would be more awkward settling into their new relationship while also carrying out their duties, it’s not. Besides being able to steal a kiss here and there, and just be more affectionate in general, everything else seems to be the same.

Which probably says something about their dynamic beforehand, but Eddie’s just relieved that he can be free in his affection, that he doesn’t have to hold himself back. 

Because really, he’s always felt like he had to hold back, in every relationship, romantic and non-romantic. The only person he made an exception for was Christopher; he never wanted his son to doubt how much he loved him, and so he always shared his affection with him freely. 

As for everyone else, he pulled back. When he was old enough to understand that men shouldn’t be overly affectionate, he retreated - he stopped clinging to his abuela as much, stopped seeking out his own father for affection, stopped hugging his friends as often as he once did. He put more space between himself and the rest of the world, and it just made him lonely. 

Even when he grew older and could see the conditioning for what it was, the distance felt too large and too scary to cross. He was still afraid of revealing too much of himself, or of smothering those around him, and so he stayed careful. The ache for more never dissipated, though, always lingered around him uncomfortably, a painful reminder of everything he thought he couldn’t have. 

But with Buck, things were different. Even from the start of their friendship, Buck has always shown his affection freely, always made Eddie feel like he was deserving of it. It was nothing for him to pat Eddie’s shoulder, or press his knee against Eddie’s, or playfully shove him, and it all made Eddie remember how good it could feel, made him want to throw out years of conditioning and of denying himself. 

So with Buck, he feels safe, and brave in a way he hasn’t been since he was a child and didn’t know any better. He plants a kiss on Buck’s cheek when he hands him the plate of french toast he makes for breakfast, reaches for Buck’s hand and holds it over the center console as he drives, pulls him in for a kiss before they hop out of the rig, and Buck lights up every time, beaming as he lets himself lean into Eddie’s touch. Warmth and happiness swell within Eddie each time, and he doesn’t know how he went so long without this. 

Currently, though, there’s more space between them than he’d like. While he reads the line, Buck is off a couple of yards, sitting in a camping chair with the field laptop perched on his lap, and as much as Eddie loves this job, he’d much rather _not_ be working right now.

The fact that the meadow is dominated by sedges doesn’t help, either - honestly speaking, he doesn’t care for them much at all. Most of the time, they’re relatively unimpressive and boring, and he sifts through them with a feeling of dissatisfaction.

Of course, there were a few exceptions to his general disposition towards sedges, and as he sorts through the vegetation, he comes across one of them. There’s a decent patch of _Carex echinata_ to his left, their flower clusters resembling tiny stars. 

When he finds them rooted in the frame and calls them out for Buck to record on the field laptop, Buck nearly shoots up from his chair. “You’re sure it’s echinata?” 

“They’re pretty distinctive, Buck.” 

“Alright, alright,” Buck concedes. As he starts to wade over to where Eddie’s crouched, he asks, “Are there a lot of them?”

Eddie sifts through the surrounding vegetation, and finding a bunch of the species, says, “Yeah, there’s a good amount.” 

“Jackpot,” Buck grins, enthusing, “I’ve been trying to find some all season.”

“What for?” 

“I’m trying to get a collection of pressed sedges going back at home,” he explains as he pulls a compact shovel from his backpack, “And it’s been going well except for these little fuckers.”

Eddie teases, “Is that their scientific name?”

“You know their scientific name, smartass,” Buck pretends to glower at him before digging around the sedge and carefully removing it from the ground. He produces a ziploc bag from his pack as well and places the sedge inside. When he’s finished, he swipes the back of his hand along his forehead, unknowingly smudging a streak of dirt into his face, and at first, Eddie stops himself from reaching out and clearing it away. 

But then he remembers he doesn’t have to hold back anymore. So he pushes past the initial hesitation and reaches out, dragging his thumb across Buck’s skin and wiping away the dirt, and Buck looks at him warmly, the corners of his mouth lifting in a soft smile as his eyes twinkle. 

“My hero,” he teases, and Eddie gently flicks him on the forehead as he rolls his eyes fondly. 

* * *

A few hours later finds them at another meadow, and Eddie is wandering around with the metal detector in hand, trying to find the rebar that marks their plot boundaries, when he comes across the sight of fat, fuzzy bumblebees curled atop purple fleabanes, sound asleep. 

“Buck, you gotta see this,” Eddie calls out as he pulls his phone from his pocket, already intending to take plenty of pictures for Chris. 

Buck makes his way through the tall sedges and grasses to where Eddie is standing, and when he finally notices the sleeping bumblebees, emits a small noise of awe. 

“Eddie, they’re so cute,” Buck gushes, and Eddie thinks he might be addicted to the look of pure joy that brightens Buck’s face. 

* * *

The drive back to their campsite at the end of the work day is long, and they’re nearly at the end of _The Hostile Hospital_ by the time they get back - in fact, just as they pull into the clearing, Klaus and Sunny learn that Violet would be subjected to a craniectomy. 

Which was objectively a terrible place to stop. 

“Aw, man,” Buck groans as he shuts off the engine, sulking in his seat for a moment before moving to hop out of the rig. 

Before he can, though, Eddie interjects, “What do you say to finishing the leftovers from last night and eating in here?” 

“I’d say that I love the way you think,” Buck grins, happily hopping out of the rig and rounding it towards the trunk to pull out the leftovers from the cooler. 

They contentedly work on the chicken and salad from the previous night as they listen to the rest of the audiobook, following along with the antics of the Baudelaire siblings with a grim fascination. The wind outside is fierce, howling and beating against the rig, and Eddie’s grateful that they’re inside. When they’re both finished with their food, Buck slips his hand into Eddie’s, his fingers loosely slotted with Eddie’s, and they both relax into their seats, content and full from their dinner. 

The book eventually finishes but they stay inside, happy to remain within the warm confines of the rig and with each other.

At some point, Eddie’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and he’s briefly surprised that he even has service here. When he pulls it out, he notices it’s a group of pictures from Shannon of Chris at the observatory - there are a ton of him posing in front of the white, picturesque museum, as well as more of him interacting with a variety of exhibits. 

Buck looks at him curiously and he explains, “Shannon took Chris to the observatory,” then turns his phone for Buck to see. Buck coos as he looks at the pictures, a large grin brightening his expression, “Looks like he enjoyed it.”

Eddie makes a noise of agreement before asking conversationally, “Have you been?”

“To the park, a few times. Haven’t quite made it into the observatory yet.”

Eddie laughs, “Isn’t that the whole point?”

“Well yeah, but there are some good trails around it, too,” Buck says, his tone shifting as he hesitantly explains, “The only times I’ve ever been were with Abby, and she had already visited the observatory more times than she ever wanted to, so we never went inside. But now Chris can just teach me everything he learned, so problem solved.” 

“I hope you know what you’re signing yourself up for. That kid can ramble for days,” Eddie smiles. 

Buck grins, leaning back into his seat. “Wouldn’t wanna learn from anyone else.”

Eddie chuckles, fiddling with his phone for a few moments before he dares to broach, “So...Abby’s your ex, right?” 

“The very one,” Buck says. 

“And if I ask what’s the deal with her, are you gonna drive off and leave me out here alone?” 

“It’s pretty likely,” Buck jokes lightly as he wrinkles his nose, “Do we have to talk about her?”

“No,” Eddie reassures, “We don’t have to. It just...seemed like you were torn up about her visit, is all. If you wanna talk about it, we can. If not, that’s fine, too.”

Buck looks off to the side, worrying his bottom lip, “I don’t know. Isn’t this kinda early to jinx it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what if you start realizing the same things she did, or - I don’t know. It just feels like I’d be inviting trouble, and we just started this.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, “Buck, I screwed things up so badly with Shannon that she left the state in the middle of the night and then didn’t talk to me for years. If anyone should’ve been running for the hills, it’s you.” 

Buck’s face twists and he starts to protest, “That’s not-” 

He interrupts, “All I’m saying is that you’re not gonna scare me off. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

It feels like a heavy promise to make to someone he’s known for a little over a month, but he means it. Buck inexplicably wedged his way into his life and while Eddie knows that he theoretically could live his life without the other man, it’s better with him in it. 

Buck nods slowly, relief easing some of the tension in his form. He takes a steadying breath before he begins, “Okay...so Abby - Abby was my first serious relationship. My only serious relationship, really. We, uh - we met when she was going through a tough time, and I tried to be there for her, you know? Long story short, her mom had Alzheimer’s, really bad, and one night she just died in her sleep. They said it was a pulmonary embolism, and Abby just…she felt like she didn’t know who she was anymore. So she flew off to Europe and I waited for her, but weeks passed, then months, and the texts and calls became less and less until they just stopped.”

Buck turns his head, his gaze fixed to the side as he admits, “I still waited, though, all that time. Everyone around me knew she wasn’t coming back, but I just hung around her apartment like a lost puppy for months. And everyone kept trying to get me to see that we were done, but I just...couldn’t get the hint. It’s all just really embarrassing, looking back.” 

“Why?” Eddie asks, and Buck lifts his head to look at Eddie in confusion. “You were in love and you stayed. That’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

Buck’s form slumps and he shrugs, sounding resigned as he says, “I don’t know. I wanted to be with her so badly that I couldn’t see how much she didn’t want to be with me.” 

Eddie moves his hand closer to Buck’s and hooks a finger around his reassuringly. “So what happened when she visited you?”

Buck sighs, his free hand coming up to card through his hair. “Well, she told me that she’s engaged now. She met a guy while she was in Europe and they’re getting married in a month.”

“Wow,” Eddie exhales as he takes it in, then frowns, “She didn’t invite you to the wedding, did she?”

“Nah,” Buck chuckles, relaxing into his seat, “But can you imagine if she did?” 

“That would’ve been bold.”

“That’s one way to phrase it,” Buck smiles wryly, “But honestly, I like weddings. I probably would’ve gone if she asked.” 

Eddie almost laughs as he checks, “For real?” 

Buck shrugs, considering, “I don’t know, I’m happy that she’s happy. She’s been through a lot, you know? Besides, it’s been a long time since I was in love with her. I’m not hurt that she moved on, or whatever.”

Eddie furrows his brows. “But she started seeing this guy while you thought you were still together, right? I’d be kinda pissed.”

“I mean, yeah - it’s not like I was thrilled to learn that while I was waiting in L.A. for her, she was off with some other guy, but I - I don’t know. I think a part of me always knew that she was with someone else all that time.” 

Eddie nods and says, slow and uncertain, “Okay...so if you’re not upset that she’s engaged, what got you so freaked out?”

“It’s kinda dumb. And really, I don’t even know why it got to me so bad because it wasn’t anything I didn’t already know, at least on some level. But um, we were talking, and I guess...more than anything I just wanted to know why she never came back. Because it had been eating me alive, you know?”

Eddie nods in understanding, because he does know, is uncomfortably familiar with the deluge of torment and unanswered questions that someone can leave behind.

Buck looks away again, “So I asked, and she told me that she felt like if she did come back - if she was back with me, she would lose herself again. She’d be the person who only worried about everybody else’s problems again."

His eyes meet Eddie’s and he smiles, but it’s bitter and self-deprecating and so unlike him that it twists something in Eddie’s stomach. “The worst part is that I really thought I had been good for her, you know? I thought I had been helping her that whole time, and I - I would have done anything for her, but...none of it was any good. I was still just another thing dragging her down.” 

“No,” Eddie interrupts, shifting closer and covering Buck’s hands with his own, “Look - maybe she just wasn’t in a place to be in a relationship. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than that.” 

“Doesn’t it, though? I mean, she felt like she couldn’t even come back to the country because of me.”

“I think you’re giving yourself too much credit, Buck. It sounds like she had a lot going on, more than just you.”

Buck sits straighter in his seat and looks at him desperately as he insists, “Yeah, but I couldn’t help her, with any of it. If anything, I just made things worse.” 

“I doubt that’s true,” he says genuinely, “And I’m sure you did all you could for her, because that’s who you are. Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.”

It sounds eerily similar to the conversation he had with Shannon last week, and he would feel more hypocritical if he wasn’t just starting to really understand it himself. Maybe just as Buck wasn’t as cursed as he seemed to think he was, maybe....maybe Eddie wasn’t either. 

Buck sounds sad and resigned as he admits, “I just - I don’t wanna drag you down, too.”

“You won’t,” Eddie says easily. 

Buck scoffs, shooting him a look of disbelief, “You don’t know that.”

“I know that I like the way I feel when I’m with you,” he asserts, “And I know that you’re a good person. One of the best I know, actually.”

It surprises him how easy it is to express himself with Buck, and he can’t even find it in himself to feel embarrassed about his vulnerability because the way Buck looks at him, his eyes shining with trust and warmth, makes it all worth it. 

He laughs, a bit strangled and wet but genuine all the same, “You must not know a lot of people.”

Eddie chuckles, shrugging, “I don’t, but it’s still the truth.”

Another moment passes, a comfortable silence briefly falling on them until Buck breaks the silence. 

“Hey, Eddie?"

“Yeah, Buck?"

“You’re a good person, too,” Buck says, a genuine smile softening his features. With a lilted voice, he echoes, “One of the best I know.” 

Despite the way his heart flutters in his chest and a fierce warmth seems to envelop him, Eddie has to laugh, “Now I’m thinking maybe _you_ should expand your circle a bit.” 

Buck nudges him gently in the side, snorting. “Nah,” he says, tightening his hand around Eddie’s, “You know...I think I’m good.” 

“Me too,” Eddie returns, and Buck beams as he leans over the console to cup Eddie’s jaw and pull him into a kiss. 

* * *

The next morning finds them at Alta Meadow, which Eddie immediately falls in love with, as silly as it might sound. 

The meadow itself is situated on a steep mountain slope, and further beyond it, the mountain plateaus before leading to a lush valley covered in thick pine. The wide range of the Great Western Divide is stretched in front of them, its rocky, jagged peaks piercing the sky. 

A fierce appreciation grips him as they traipse down the sloped mountain towards their plot. The meadow is beautiful and vitalized with the intensity of the flowers and its colors - the vivid reds of the paintbrushes mingle with the soft whites of the yarrow and the bright yellows of the heleniums, coloring the meadow in brilliant shades. 

They set up their plot, drawing the measuring tapes down the slope, both of them distracted by the view, and reading the plot itself ends up being a long but peaceful process. They take their time, calling each other over to look at interesting flowers they come across, and it’s nice. All of the jobs he’s had in the past have always been focused on finishing one task and immediately moving on to the next one, efficiency the only goal. 

And it’s not like there were any roses to stop and smell in his previous jobs (and especially not during his time in the army), but he enjoys the newness of slowing down, of taking and cherishing his time. 

After they finish up with their work, they perch themselves on a large rock and pull out their lunches from their packs. Buck hooks his ankle around Eddie’s and presses into his side comfortably as they eat their lunch. 

“Another turkey sandwich?” Buck teases as he glances over at Eddie’s meal. 

Eddie rolls his eyes, “This again? Have a bite and tell me it’s not good.” 

He moves his sandwich closer to Buck and he leans over, taking a huge bite of it. 

“Hey, I didn’t say to eat the whole thing,” Eddie protests. 

“Don’t be dramatic,” Buck teases as he rips off about half of his sandwich, “Here, you can have some of mine.” 

Eddie carefully takes it and asks, “What’d you make?”

“Just a B.L.T,” Buck replies. 

“Sounds good to me,” Eddie grins, “Thanks.” 

“I mean, I did steal most of your sandwich,” Buck laughs. 

Eddie raises the sandwich in his hand just a bit and postures, “And you’ve now fulfilled your debt.” 

They eat the rest of their lunch leisurely, and looking at the time, Eddie figures they should probably get a move on. Except, when Eddie moves to pack up their gear, Buck interjects, “You know, we only have one meadow left after this and it’s pretty close. Why don’t we stay a while longer?”

Eddie’s so used to rushing from one place to another, time always having been a luxury he couldn’t afford. Taking a moment for himself, to rest, to enjoy - it always felt selfish.

Or at least, it used to. But in this moment, none of the familiar guilt creeps in on him at the idea of taking advantage of company time to relax in a meadow with his boyfriend. 

So he agrees, and they end up laying themselves across the soft grass, content to watch the clouds as they lazily drift across the sky. Buck rests his head on Eddie’s chest, his cheek smushed against him and the light strands of his hair tickling Eddie’s face. 

Eddie absentmindedly strokes Buck’s shoulder and every now and then, Buck points out a cloud that resembles one thing or another - he finds one that he insists looks like a dove and another that apparently resembles a bunny. Eddie thinks it’s a stretch, but he goes along with it anyway. 

For the most part, though, they don’t exchange many words, and Eddie never thought he’d understand this sort of quiet peace, but it becomes known to him in this moment, falls upon him and wraps him in its warmth and stillness. 

At some point, Buck turns his head to face Eddie and asks lightly, “What are you thinking about?” 

Eddie pulls Buck closer, smiling, “Nothing really. Just happy to be here, I guess.”

Buck raises an eyebrow, teasing, “You guess?”

Eddie shrugs, a playful smirk forming, “Well, it’s not the worst place to be. The company’s not terrible, either.”

“Not terrible,” Buck parrots, his face splitting in a grin, “What a glowing review.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes and bends his head down to capture Buck’s lips in a kiss. Buck presses into it, a happy sigh escaping him before he shifts his weight, his thigh hooked over Eddie’s and their chests pressed together. 

Buck pulls away and smooths a hand over Eddie’s hairline before stealing another small kiss. A bit breathless, he confesses, “There were so many times I wanted to do this.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I kinda had a massive, middle school crush on you.” 

“Aw, you had a crush on me,” Eddie teases, gently poking his side. 

“Shut up,” he says lightly, “You totally had a crush on me, too.” 

Eddie rolls them so that most of his weight is on Buck. His forearms bracket Buck’s head and he nudges his nose against Buck's. He jokes, “I guess we’ll never know, huh?” 

“That’s too bad,” Buck quips, tilting his chin upwards and Eddie gets the hint, brushing his lips against Buck’s once again and capturing them in another kiss. 

They stay there for years or for hours, and Eddie lets himself bask in the tranquility of it all. 

* * *

By the time they get back to camp after they finish up at their last meadow, the sun is already beginning to set, and dinner ends up being a lazy affair of tacos made from the leftover vegetables and meat they had from the week. 

Around a mouthful of food, Buck says, “I forgot to ask, but how did Chris like the poppy reserve?” 

“A lot,” he answers, pulling out his phone from his pocket and scrolling through his photos before handing it to Buck, “Here, take a look.” 

As Buck scrolls through the pictures he took of Christopher among the poppies, his expression softens with a small, contemplative smile that warms something within Eddie. 

After another moment of scrolling, Buck wistfully comments, “You, uh - you really love that kid.”

“I do,” Eddie says, his head tilting in a light-hearted curiosity, not really understanding what that insight was inspired by. 

Buck explains, “It’s just...you have so many pictures of him, you know? I mean - if some random person just picked up your phone and looked through it, they could see how much you love him. It’s nice.”

Eddie can feel his cheeks flush, “Yeah, uh - I can definitely go overboard sometimes.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Buck smiles, resting his hand on Eddie’s knee, “I’m sorry I missed out, though. It looked like a lot of fun.” 

Eddie lays his hand over Buck’s and rubs a thumb over his knuckles, “We can always go again - Chris was already talking about wanting to go back.” 

“That’d be nice,” Buck’s eyes glimmer with a quiet joy before he perks up just the slightest, “But I actually think I have a different idea.” 

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“What would you say to coming back here sometime next week?”

Eddie stares at him for a moment before asking, “You’re serious?” 

“Hear me out,” Buck laughs, “I was thinking maybe we could take Chris to see General Sherman.”

Eddie’s brows furrow, “Who’s General Sherman?”

“It’s not a person, it’s a tree - the tallest living tree in the world, actually. It’s really cool to see in person and I thought Chris might like it.”

“He definitely would,” Eddie says, “As long as you drive, I’m down.”

“I can do that,” Buck beams, “So it’s a date, then.” 

Eddie squints his eyes, grinning as he asks, “Does it count as a date if my kid comes along?”  
  
“Maybe not, but it’s better.” 

Eddie’s heart swells at that. After Shannon left, he never really imagined dating again, never really thought that anyone would want to date a single father whose priority would always be his kid. 

But Buck - Buck is here and sees how amazing his son is, and despite everything that happened last week, Eddie trusts Buck, more than he trusts most people in his life. Even though they’ve barely been dating for two days, there’s a certain safety that he feels with Buck, feels like he can trust his and maybe even Christopher’s heart with him.

There would be more to figure out down the road, like making sure Chris was okay with them dating for one, but for now, Eddie lets himself enjoy this. 

* * *

The last day approaches sooner than Eddie realizes, and with no meadows left to visit, all that’s left to do is make the short drive back to Los Angeles. 

Needing a break from the doom and gloom of _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ , they decide to listen to some music instead - Buck insists on Paul McCartney’s _Ram_ , and Eddie has no strong preferences, so he goes along with it. He finds himself liking it more than he would have expected, but it might have something to do with the way Buck comes alive with the music, 

They were still pretty deep into the forest, so as they make their way out, the rig rides happily along the bumpy dirt roads. They have the windows rolled down, allowing a warm breeze of air to drift through the truck. 

And then when a certain soft acoustic melody begins to float through the rig from the stereo, Buck beams as he reaches over to turn the volume louder.

_Hey diddle, I want you back, diddle, I want you back_

_Hey diddle, I want you back, diddle, I want you back_

The percussion comes in a moment later, and Buck’s free leg bounces in time to it, his hands tapping out the beat against the steering wheel. He sings along, a bright grin splitting his face and crinkling his eyes, and Eddie finds himself tapping his foot to the rhythm, which was cyclical and easy to follow after the first minute. 

_She can't be found_

_But love doesn't care, doesn't care_

_Ah, don't despair_

_The next time around, she'll be there_

With the upbeat melody and the fresh mountain breeze filling the air, it’s not hard to share in Buck’s joy; he feels good and light, and free in a way that he’s slowly becoming more and more familiar with. 

And for someone who loves and lives quietly, Eddie cherishes the open and unabashed enthusiasm Buck has for everything. His joy is infectious and generous, readily shared with anyone and everyone, and Eddie just feels glad that he’s the one who gets to bask in its glow. 

After another half hour of driving, they’re finally able to connect onto a highway, but they’re only on it for a short amount of time before Buck drives towards an offramp of one of the exits. 

Confused, Eddie glances at him and asks, “Do we need to get gas?”

“Nah, we’ve got enough to get back.”

“Okay,” Eddie says slowly, stumped, “Then why are we getting off?” 

Buck just shoots him a grin and responds, “It’s a surprise.” 

The surprise turns out to be a local ice cream shop, which provides some of the best ice cream Eddie’s ever had, as well as a bunch of various housemade chocolates and candies. He gets a pistachio almond ice cream for himself (much to Buck’s disgust) and an assortment of chocolates for his family. Buck ends up buying a bunch of chocolates for Maddie and the rest of the crew as well as a mocha fudge ice cream cone for his own enjoyment. 

They find an open table outside and relax into the chairs as they make work of their ice cream cones. It’s pleasant outside but it’s still relatively warm, and the ice cream is already starting to drip down the sides of the cone. 

As he licks at his cone, he asks Buck, “How’d you know about this place?” 

“Chim brought me a while ago,” Buck smiles, “We usually try to swing by whenever we’re in Sequoia.” 

“I can see why,” Eddie comments, “You sure you don’t wanna try some of mine?”

Buck wrinkles his nose as he postures, “Pistachio almond? I like this place, but I’m not sure if even they can redeem pistachio.”

“Your loss,” Eddie shrugs while grinning.

He accidentally gets some ice cream on the tip of his nose and he goes to reach for a napkin, but Buck beats him to it, gently dabbing the corner of a napkin against his nose and wiping away the melted ice cream. Eddie smiles and meets his gaze, and for a moment Buck looks embarrassed, as if he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have, but once he notices Eddie’s smile, his expression relaxes. 

It reminds him of a moment in his first week of working with Buck, in which Buck had reached out and wiped away some dirt on his face. After the moment passed, Eddie quickly retreated to a gas station bathroom and quietly basked in the pleasant sensation of Buck’s gentle touch, all while berating himself for enjoying it so much. 

But now - now he can openly bask in Buck’s affection. He doesn’t have to hide the way it brings a comfortable warmth to his cheeks, or how it sends a quiet thrill through him. 

“All clean,” Buck smiles, leaning back into his own seat but not looking away from Eddie.

Shortly after, they both finish their ice cream, and once Eddie cleans his hands with a wet napkin, he asks, “Ready to get out of here?” 

Buck nods, a content look warming his expression, and they head back towards the rig. 

...Which doesn’t leave its parking spot for the next while. Eddie hadn’t really intended to make out with his coworker in the semi-privacy of the company truck, but Buck had pulled him into a short kiss over the center console, and Eddie couldn’t find it in himself to pull away, savoring the sweet taste of chocolate on Buck’s tongue as it met his own. 

Despite their impromptu make-out session, they still get back to the Forest Service building early. It’s light out when they finally pull into the parking lot, and as much as Eddie looks forward to seeing Chris, there’s a slight pang in his chest at having to part from Buck. 

So maybe he drags out the process of unloading the rig and hauling the gear back into the office, wanting to extend these moments with Buck for just a little. When they’re finished, Buck pulls Eddie into the space between their own trucks and wraps his arms around his waist as he backs Eddie against his Jeep. 

“So I’ll see you soon?” 

“Yeah. Are you free Tuesday?” 

“Yeah, Tuesday’s good. I’ll be there,” Buck smiles. 

And even though they left off on a similar note the last time they parted, there’s something about this time that feels safer. After all this time, it feels like they’re finally on the same page, and Eddie relaxes into the feeling. 

Buck pulls away but still doesn’t move his hands from Eddie’s waist. “Okay, well. Try not to miss me too much till then.” 

“I’ll try,” Eddie smirks, “Unless...do you wanna come over for dinner tonight?”

Buck raises an eyebrow at him, “Are you just inviting me over because you don’t feel like cooking?”

“I plead the fifth,” Eddie quips. 

Buck pulls him tighter against himself and teases, “How do you survive? Like, for real.”

“I can cook the basics,” Eddie defends.

Buck makes a noise of playful disbelief, taunting, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist, “Are you coming over or not?”

“If you insist,” Buck pretends to give in, beaming, “I’ll follow you in my car?” 

“Yeah, see you there,” Eddie says, pecking his lips before he breaks away, feeling settled and content as he gets in his car and drives off, heading home.


	6. los angeles/sequoia

Tuesday takes longer than Eddie would like to come around, but when it does, he’s a bit besides himself. Today, they have plans to drive back up to Sequoia with Christopher to see General Sherman, a massive sequoia tree that’s apparently a famous tourist attraction. 

He’s making his own preparations for the small road trip when his phone chimes from his pocket. When he pulls it out, he sees a text from Buck. 

_ >> what snacks do you and chris like? _

**_Buck, you don’t need to buy anything_ **

_ >> ??? snacks are a road trip essential, eddie _

**_I can pick some up_ **

He would definitely have to rush to the grocery store to make it back in time, but he doesn’t want to put Buck out. 

_ >> i’m already at the store _

_ >> just tell me what you guys want or i’ll have to buy one of everything _

**_You wouldn’t_ **

_ >> you really wanna risk it? _

**fine, you win**

**Chris loves goldfish and you know i’ll just eat anything you get**

A few minutes later his phone chimes again with another text from Buck. 

_ >> do you think chris would like the ice cream place we went to? _

**_that would be underestimating it_ **

_ >> You wanna stop by there again? _

**_Yeah, chris will love it_ **

**_Thanks for asking_ **

_ >> well i was tempting the idea of ambushing you with chris present but i decided this was the more mature route :-) _

**_I knew you had it in you :)_ **

_ >> :P _

_ >> be there in 30! _

He feels like an idiot for the way he grins at his phone, but he forces himself to pocket it again as he carries on with preparing and packing their lunches. By the time he’s finished making sandwiches and packing some fruits and veggies, he hears a playful knock at the front door. 

When he opens it, Buck is standing there, wearing a dopish grin as he holds a grocery bag up. 

“Hey,” he greets, a bit breathless. 

“Hey,” he returns, looking around to make sure Chris isn’t around before stepping into Buck’s space and stealing a short kiss from him. Buck makes a soft little noise, sighing into the kiss, and when he pulls away, his eyes are bright, a dazed and content expression softening his features. 

“I missed you,” Buck breathes, nudging his nose against Eddie’s and tangling his hands in Eddie’s. It’s a bit awkward with the grocery bag but the feel of Buck’s hand in his thrills Eddie nonetheless. 

“I missed you too,” Eddie returns, finding that he genuinely means it even though it’s only been a few days since they’ve last seen each other.

He didn’t think it was possible for Buck’s smile to grow wider, but it does, lights up his face as his cheeks flush. He squeezes Eddie’s hands before he moves to peer around Eddie and into the house. “Where’s your mini-me?” 

Eddie smiles fondly, “Last I checked he was debating on which socks to wear. He’s between his dinosaur or giraffe socks.” 

“Can’t blame him, that’s a tough choice.” 

Eddie snorts before turning his head towards the hallway and shouting, “Christopher! Buck’s here.”

Not even a moment later, Christopher’s door opens and the sound of his crutches against the hardwood soon follows. “Buck!” 

“Chris!” Buck jots to meet him halfway down the hall, bending down to sweep him into a hug once he’s close enough. Christopher throws his arms loosely around Buck before he steps back. 

“How’s my favorite Diaz doing?” 

Chris beams, “Good! I’m wearing my favorite socks today.”

“Let’s see,” Buck says before glancing down at his socks and breaking out into an easy grin, “Dinosaurs? Those are super cool, bud. I really gotta get a pair like that - all of my socks are boring.” 

“Adult socks _are_ boring,” Chris says in agreement before he notices the bag in Buck’s hands and asks curiously, “What’s that?” 

“Road trip essentials,” Buck grins proudly, “I got a bunch of snacks for the ride.”

Through the transparent plastic bag, Chris is quick to notice the presence of his favorite snack. He gasps, “Are those Goldfish?”

Buck chuckles, “Oh, yeah - a little birdy told me you loved ‘em.”

Christopher’s eyes widen and he asks in awe, “A bird told you that?”

He looks taken aback for a moment before he responds, “Oh, no. I wish, but it’s just a saying, bud. Your dad told me.” 

“Oh,” Christopher says, contemplating, “I tried to make friends with a bird at the beach but it just took my sandwich.” 

“Oh, yeah, those birds are mean,” Buck sympathizes, “If we see any nice birds today, I’ll point them out to you. You just gotta know which ones to talk to.” 

“Okay,” Chris agrees happily before turning to Eddie, “If we meet a nice one can we take it home?”

“I don’t know about that, Superman. They like to be outside,” Eddie says kindly. 

“Me too,” Chris chirps. 

“Me three,” Buck joins in, “Speaking of, you guys ready to get this show on the road?”

Chris gives an excited shout, and they all make their way out to the driveway and shuffle into Buck’s jeep. When everyone is situated in their seats, Buck turns to the backseat towards Christopher.

“Okay, so car rules is that the youngest is the DJ, which makes you in charge of the playlist. Got any requests?” 

And Eddie already knows his answer before Chris shouts out, “Moana!” 

“Alright, now we’re talking,” Buck enthuses, clapping his hands together in excitement. He opens Spotify and finds the _Moana_ soundtrack before setting his phone back on its mount, and then they’re off, peeling away from the curb and onto the streets that are quickly becoming more and more familiar to Eddie. 

They blast through the _Moana_ soundtrack as they coast the highway - at this point Eddie’s already heard the songs enough times that he knows most of the lyrics, and Buck seems to as well, loudly singing along, matching Christopher’s enthusiasm. 

Once they cycle through all of the songs and after they play few rounds of “I Spy,” which gets old relatively quick along the monotonous stretch of highway, Eddie encourages Chris to tell Buck what he learned at the observatory last week. He enthusiastically takes it to task, rambling about the different exhibits he saw, and Buck hangs onto every word, a most eager student. 

When he finishes gushing about the huge telescope they got to look through, Christopher breaks into a large grin, “I think I wanna be an astronaut when I grow up.”

“You’d be a great astronaut, bud,” Eddie says earnestly, twisting in his seat to face Chris - listening to his kid talk to them about everything he learned at the observatory inspires a fierce pride within him, and he knows without a doubt that his kid could do anything he set out to. 

Chris beams at him, his face lighting up, “You think so?”

“I know so,” Eddie confirms, smiling, “You already know way more about space than I ever will.” 

Buck joins in, flashing an earnest grin at Chris through the rear view mirror, “Yeah, and when you’re older, I can brag about knowing a real life astronaut _all_ the time.”

The implication that Buck would want to stick around that long takes Eddie sends a pleasant shock through him and he doesn’t know what to do with it. 

Chris is unphased, though, and just shouts excitedly, “I can take you with me when I go to space!” 

Buck’s smile grows, “Man, the three of us in space? We’d show the aliens how to really party.” 

“Dad says aliens aren’t real,” Chris playfully tattles to Buck. 

Eddie defends, “Look, all I said was that there’s no proof they’re real.”

Chris rolls his eyes and argues, “That’s the same thing.” 

“Hey, you might be right, but there’s also no proof that they _aren’t_ real,” Buck suggests. 

Eddie snorts, shaking his head fondly, “You _would_ believe in aliens.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Buck says with all of the conviction in the world, “Eddie, it’s insane to think that we’re the only creatures in this _entire_ universe. Back me up here, Chris.” 

“Yeah, what he said,” Chris huffs. 

“My own son, turning against me,” Eddie says in feigned disbelief, “And over aliens of all things.” 

“Well, you’re still invited to the spaceship party,” Chris offers, grinning. 

“That’s all I ask for,” Eddie jokes. 

It’s not too long after that they’re pulling into the parking lot for the attraction, easily finding a parking spot since it was relatively unbusy. As he hops out of the truck, Buck takes a whiff of the air dramatically, releasing a heavy and happy sigh as he relishes, “Ah, fresh mountain air. Missed it.”

"You were just here a few days ago,” Eddie laughs as he grabs Christopher’s backpack from the backseat. 

“ _You_ were just here a few days ago,” Buck tries to retort childishly, and Eddie just raises an eyebrow at him before shaking his head, beginning to head towards the start of the trail with Christopher in tow. 

The three of them make their way down the trail, which wraps around a forest of tall sequoia trees, until they finally reach a massive tree that rises above the rest and which is cordoned off with a short wooden fence.

With a flourish, Buck gestures towards it, “Alright, guys, feast your eyes on this bad boy.”

Eddie snorts at Buck’s referring to a tree as a bad boy, but the sight is magnificent all the same. The large sequoia tree towers over them and the rest of the forest, standing at nearly 300 feet tall. It’s an imposing yet beautiful figure, and Eddie is at a loss for words. 

And clearly, Christopher feels the same way - he makes a noise of awe at his side, and tilts his head all the way back to take it all in, his mouth open in uncontained wonder. 

He has Chris stand in front of the tree as he snaps a few pictures, and it’s adorable how especially small his son looks in front of it. After a little bit, Buck takes his phone and shoos him towards Chis so he can take a few pictures of the two of them, and when a family of tourists passed by, Eddie runs up to them and asks them to take a picture of the three of them. 

After they’re finished taking pictures, Buck grins down at Chris, “Okay Chris, for the rest of the Goldfish, how old do you think the tree is?”

Chris thinks about it, his face drawn in a determined seriousness. “100 years old.”

“A little bit older,” Buck encourages. 

“A thousand years old?”

“Older,” Buck spurs, smiling as he bounces on the heels of his feet. 

Chris laughs, “A billion kajillion years old.”

“Okay, maybe a little younger,” Buck says, joining in his laughter. 

Chris thinks it over for another moment before he tries, “Two thousand years old.”

“Winner winner chicken dinner,” Buck loudly announces, “You are now the proud owner of a half bag of Goldfish, Chris.” 

Christopher claps his hands in glee, grinning up at Buck, “Am I gonna be that old one day? 

Buck quickly glances over at Eddie, clearly feeling a bit out of his depth on how to break it to a kid that he wouldn’t live to be that old, and Eddie quickly chimes in, “No, but that’s probably a good thing bud. If you lived to be that old and grew as tall as Sherman, you wouldn’t be able to get into any buildings.” 

“I’d be way too tall for the rides at the pier,” Chris frowns.

“Exactly,” Eddie smiles, “And what’s the point of being that tall if you can’t even ride the green dragon?”

“That wouldn’t be fun,” Chris agrees, laughing. 

Buck gawks down at him, “Wait, Chris - is the green dragon your favorite?” 

Chris nods emphatically and Buck’s eyes widen as he laughs, “You’re tough, kiddo. I can barely go on that ride without screaming like a baby.”

“It’s fun,” Chris enthuses before tugging on Buck’s sleeve and asking, “Has anyone ever climbed the tree, Buck?”

“You know, I don’t think so. Not yet, at least,” Buck says conspiratorially. 

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, “You’re not really encouraging my kid to climb a three hundred-foot tree, are you?”

“Absolutely not,” Buck feigns seriousness but winks at Christopher a moment later, pretending to hide it from Eddie. 

Eddie just rolls his eyes and asks, “You guys hungry for lunch yet?”

Christopher nods over-enthusiastically and Eddie laughs a little at that, “Alright, let’s find someplace to sit and then we can eat.”

“I saw some picnic tables a little back that way,” Buck chimes in helpfully, gesturing towards the trail they just came down. 

“Sounds good,” Eddie says, hitching Christopher’s backpack higher on his shoulders.

When they get to the table, Eddie settles the backpack on the bench and begins to unpack it, pulling out the sandwiches which were helpfully labeled in Eddie’s scrawly writing. “Okay, let’s see...I got a PB&J for you, no crust,” he says as he places a sandwich in front of Chris, then hands it to Buck as he finishes, “and a BLT for you."

“You made me a BLT?”

“I figured you’d make fun of me if I made you a turkey sandwich.” 

“You’re probably right,” Buck jokes, but Eddie catches the pleased and happy look that brightens his face. 

They eat their food as Christopher talks about the friends he made at his surfing lesson last week, a pair of siblings who were initially nervous about getting in the water until Chris helped them feel better about it, and Eddie’s heart swells with love and pride for his kid. 

He doesn’t know how much time passes but eventually they’re packing up their things and making their way back to the car. As Chris hops into the backseat, Buck pulls Eddie to the side to make sure that it’s still okay that they go for ice cream, which Eddie easily confirms. 

So as Eddie slides into the passenger seat, he peers into the backseat and asks slowly, “Hey Chris, you wouldn’t happen to be too full for ice cream, would you?”

Chris shoots up in his seat and his eyes nearly bug out of his head, “Ice cream?”

Eddie teases him, pretending to reconsider the idea, “Yeah, but if you’re too full, we…”

“I’m not!” Chris interjects, “Can we get ice cream, _please_?”

Eddie sighs contemplatively before turning to Buck, “I don’t know...what do you think, Buck?”

“Well,” Buck says, dragging the word out but barely able to contain a grin all the same, “I think I might know a place.” 

Chris is none the wiser that they were just yanking his chain, just folds his hands together and flashes his best puppy dog eyes on Eddie as he pleads, “Can we go, dad? Pretty pretty please?” 

Eddie breaks into a grin at that, and when he glances at Buck, he’s wearing an equally fond grin. “Alright - it’s not a road trip without ice cream, right?”

Christopher cheers and a half-hour later finds them at the same ice cream place that he and Buck visited only a few days ago, with the three of them sitting at a table outside and bent over a huge banana split. Considering how big it was, they all figured it was more than enough to share, so they made sure to get it with a scoop of each person’s choice of ice cream - or it would’ve been, if Buck and Christopher hadn’t immediately vetoed Eddie’s choice of pistachio almond ice cream. So instead of what Eddie feels would’ve been a well-balanced banana split, they end up with two scoops of mocha fudge and one scoop of cookies and cream. 

Good ice cream is good ice cream, though, and with his present company, Eddie finds it hard to feel bummed about much of anything. The bright weather seems to permeate his mood, and he feels happy and sunny throughout as they lounge outside for a while and pick at their ice cream, content to enjoy the nice day with nowhere else to be. 

However, by the time they pile back into the car, the sugar load seems to finally be taking its toll on Christopher, and he knocks out only after a few minutes into the drive back home, leaving Buck and Eddie to their own devices. 

And Eddie - Eddie feels content, full and warm and wrapped in the comfortability of the peaceful quiet that falls on them. 

Grateful and at ease, he says, “Thanks for today, Buck.” 

“Yeah, of course. Thanks for letting me come. I had a really good time,” Buck smiles, something soft and private, “I know I’ve said it before, but he's really such a great kid.”

“He is,” Eddie breathes out, his heart full and heavy, and he doesn’t know what inspires his next train of thought but he finds himself asking, “You, uh - you once said that you saw a lot of me in Christopher. What...what did you mean by that?” 

A bit of color fills Buck’s cheeks and he takes a moment before responding, “This might sound dumb and I don’t really know how to explain it, but your hearts, they’re - they’re made up of the same stuff.”

“That doesn’t sound dumb at all,” Eddie swallows, and he blinks at the stinging behind his eyes, “You really think that?”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes out, “The way you are with him, and who you are in general - it’s no wonder he turned out the way he did.” 

Buck’s praise makes him feel warm and bright, and as much as he wants to bask in it, a part of him feels like he should cast it away from himself. He glances towards the backseat where Christopher was still dead asleep, his head fallen to his shoulder and his glasses askew on his face, and the sight makes something squeeze in his chest. 

He exhales, “Buck, I...I missed so much of his life when he was younger. I was basically a stranger to him.” 

“No,” Buck challenges lightly, and he only glances in Eddie’s direction for a moment but it’s hard to miss the way his eyes shine with a gentle determination, “I don’t buy that. Even if you weren’t there, there’s no way he didn’t know how much his dad loved him. And it doesn’t matter, 'cause you’re here now, and - and the way you are with him? God, Eddie, I - I would’ve done anything for my dad to care about me like that.” 

He’s never heard Buck mention his parents or anyone outside of his family besides Maddie up until now, and he had never questioned it. Or - he did, but he understood enough to let it be. While Buck was always happy to share stories of his adventures from his travels, or of his shenanigans in college, or of his memories with Maddie as a child, his parents were noticeably absent from everything he chose to share. 

So he let it be, not wanting to poke at a wound that hadn’t seemed to heal, but now he finds a certain ache filling his chest at the confirmation of his hunch. 

“Buck-” he starts, unsure of what to say. 

A look of regret briefly washes over Buck’s face before he straightens in his seat and schools his expression into something more neutral, “All I meant is that every dad isn’t like you. You’re just...you’re so good, Eddie. The world would be a lot better off if every kid had a dad like you.” 

Words get caught in his throat, and he feels an overwhelming and ridiculous urge to cry, but he swallows it down as he croaks out, “Buck, I - I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, but just know that I mean it,” he returns with a light tone, a smile breaking through his serious expression. His free hand finds Eddie’s and holds it in his own, rubbing a thumb soothingly across Eddie’s knuckles and exerting a gentle pressure that grounds Eddie in this moment. 

They move onto lighter topics, and Buck turns on some album low in the background. They’re careful to keep their voices soft enough to not wake Christopher - while his son is no brat by any means, his cheerful disposition can definitely have its limits, and being woken up from a nap prematurely is one way to test it. Sometimes it couldn’t be helped, but Eddie would rather just let him sleep when it’s possible. 

As it was, Chris wakes up on his own a few minutes before they pull into the driveway, and although he’s still tired, he’s nothing close to cranky. 

When they get inside, Eddie pulls out some leftovers for dinner, wanting to put some food in his kid before he sends him to sleep. It ends up being some chicken that Shannon made and left behind a few nights before, but it’s enough for the three of them. 

It’s a little after eight when he’s tucking his son into bed, the covers drawn tight around him just as he likes it. When he’s finished, he sits at the edge of Christopher’s bed, so full of love for his kid. “You have a fun day today, Superman?”

“The best,” Christopher smiles, sleepy and content, as he burrows further into his pillows. 

“Good,” Eddie whispers as he leans over to kiss Christopher on his forehead, brushing back his curls with a gentle hand, “Sleep tight, bud.”

Christopher peers up at him with warm and sleepy eyes and mumbles, “‘Love you, dad.” 

“I love you too, Chris.” 

He turns off the light on his way out, and when he walks back into the kitchen, he finds Buck standing at the sink, washing the plates from dinner.

“You don’t have to do that.”

Buck shrugs easily, “I don’t mind.” 

“Thanks,” Eddie says as he steps further into the kitchen, “You don’t have anywhere to be, do you?” 

“Nope,” Buck says emphatically, flashing him a cheeky grin, “Nowhere at all.” 

“Good,” Eddie returns, slipping his hands around Buck’s waist and leaning into him. 

Buck turns around in Eddie’s embrace, his eyes squinting happily, and teases, “You just want me to stay cause I’m helping with clean up.”

“Guilty as charged,” Eddie jokes, even though he pulls him away from the sink and walks him toward the wall, gently pressing him against it. He tilts his head up to capture Buck’s lips in a kiss and he can feel as Buck melts into it, his form relaxing as he becomes loose and pliant under Eddie’s touch. 

He drags his lips down, taking his time to kiss the warm skin underneath his ear, the underside of his jaw, his neck, anywhere he could. It’s unrushed and pleasant, and Buck dips his head to the side to give him more room, splaying a firm hand across Eddie’s back and pulling him closer against him. 

Eddie finds his way back to Buck’s lips, pulling them in between his own and he thinks he’d be happy if he could do this for the rest of time. He confesses, “I wanted to do this all day.” 

And it’s embarrassingly true - he never allowed himself to need or want anything as badly as he does Buck, but there’s something about Buck that’s addictive, that constantly pulls Eddie into his orbit, makes Eddie want nothing more than to revolve around him. 

Buck smiles into another kiss, laughing breathlessly, “Me too - how did we go so long not doing this?”

“I don’t know, but I was going pretty crazy,” he mutters, nipping Buck’s jaw.

Buck’s breath hitches in his throat as he agrees, “Same. Definitely same.”

It’s nice, kissing just for the sake of it. There’s a silent understanding that this is as far as things will go tonight, but they enjoy it all the same. At some point they move to the couch, with Buck pressing him into the soft cushions as his hand cups Eddie’s jaw, his fingers absentmindedly tracing the skin there as they exchange lazy kisses. 

It must turn late, though, because Eddie barely stifles a yawn as they kiss and Buck soon breaks away laughing. 

“Should’ve known it was past your bedtime, old man.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes, gently nudging him in his side as he jokes, “So what does that make you, a gold digger?”

“We both work for the government, Eds,” Buck grins, “I’d be a pretty lame gold digger.”

Eddie snorts, “Yeah, yeah. So, what does the rest of your week look like?”

Buck sits himself up and Eddie already misses his warmth. “I think I’m hanging out with Maddie tomorrow and then Bobby wanted to me to come over to try a new recipe, but other than that, I’m pretty free.” 

“You should come over again,” Eddie insists, pushing himself up as well, “I have Chris all week but I’m sure we can figure out something to do together.” 

“Oh, I’m sure we can,” Buck agrees, smiling. If it were anyone else, he’d be more worried about how they’d feel about only being able to hang out with a child coming along, but Buck’s eyes just glimmer with unabashed joy and Eddie knows he doesn’t have to worry about that with him. 

Buck’s voice pulls him from thoughts, “Hey, Eddie?”

He hadn’t even realized he pulled his gaze away but he finds himself returning it once more. “Yeah?”

“Thank you, for giving me another chance. I’m - you make me really happy, and I just...I'm really happy."

Eddie softly admits, “You make me happy, too. It wasn't a hard choice."

Because it wasn’t. The alternative of shutting that door with Buck felt far scarier than the prospect of giving him another chance, of trying - for better or for worse. He reaches out to Buck, his hands tracing his side, “Come over Thursday, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay,” Buck leans into him, his breath warming Eddie’s skin, “I should get going, but I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay,” he says, his hand coming up to cup Buck’s jaw as he kisses him one more time, “Text me when you get back to your place.”

Buck seems to quietly beam, and he pecks Eddie’s cheek as he relents, pulling himself off the couch to gather his things. 

And when he leaves, it takes everything in Eddie to not call out those three words because he knows it’s way too soon, even though he’s certain of how he feels. 


	7. klamath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this took so long! i'm really hoping to update more regularly from here on out, but i hope you enjoy this extra-long chapter in the meantime!
> 
> also, please mind the updated tags!

He barely pulls into the lot on the first day of the work week before he’s greeted by a gentle rap on his car window and Buck’s beaming smile. When he climbs out, Buck leans against his truck comfortably, raking his eyes over Eddie. 

“Morning, Eddie.”

“Good morning, Buck,” he smiles, observing, “You’re in a good mood.”

“I wonder why that could be,” Buck grins sarcastically, briefly looking around to make sure no one is around before pulling Eddie into a short kiss. When he pulls away, there’s a certain glimmer in his eyes and Eddie knows he must look like an idiot for the way he can feel himself smiling back at Buck. Truthfully, he’s in a pretty good mood himself, looking forward to spending the next week with his boyfriend alone. 

Breaking out of his trance, Eddie tilts his head towards the tray of drinks Buck’s carefully balancing with one hand. He grins, “One of those for me?”

“Yep,” he says as he pulls one of the cups out of the holder and passes it to Eddie, “I’m trying out a new coffee shop so you gotta let me know how it is.”

He looks at it suspiciously, “What is it?”

“Lighten up, it’s just a regular coffee. I know you can’t stand any of the fun stuff,” Buck teases. 

He huffs out a laugh as they start to head inside, “Yeah, well, there’s no need for anyone to start off their day with a week’s worth of sugar, Buck.”

“I don’t think it’s a _week’s_ worth of sugar, Eddie.”

“It’s close enough.”

When they get in, Hen is already lounging in one of the chairs, scrolling through her phone tiredley. 

“Morning, Hen,” Buck greets. 

“Morning, Buck,” she returns, raising an eyebrow at him, “You’re in a cheery mood.”

“I’m always in a cheery mood, Hen,” Buck smiles as he passes her one of the cups from the drink holder, “Picked this up for you. Vanilla latte, just how you like it.”

“I knew there was a reason we kept you around,” she jokes as she takes it from him. When she looks over at Eddie, she says, “Hey Eddie, how was your week?”

“Good. Really good, actually,” he says, and makes a point of not looking in Buck’s direction, knowing he’d probably give himself away if he did. “Yours?”

“Busy. We’re trying to get everything ready for the school year and Denny is a mad man when it comes to back to school shopping. I swear we must have spent at least two hours at Target just deciding on a backpack.” 

“Chris is the same way,” Eddie laughs, “I think Shannon’s supposed to take him sometime this week.”

“Well, I’ll keep her in my prayers,” Hen jokes. 

Bobby and Chim roll in soon after, taking their drinks from Buck and settling into the chairs spread across the room as they catch up on each other’s weeks. Even now, he’s still caught off guard by the relaxed pace of the office and how they take their time to catch up with each other with no urgency rushing their conversation. It’s only when the conversation comes to a natural end that Bobby changes gears, shifting the conversation towards what the work week would look like. 

“Okay, so it looks like we just have to knock out the rest of the sites at Klamath and Mendocino before we have our trip next week.”

This is the first time he’s hearing anything about this, and he furrows his brows as he interrupts, “Wait, what trip?”

Bobby shoots him a confused look before turning to Buck, who suddenly looks sheepish. “You didn’t tell him about Inyo?”

Buck’s face scrunches in a way that’s both so guilty and adorable. “It didn’t come up?”

Bobby looks at him, wearing an exasperated yet fond expression, “How did it not come up?”

“I’ve been busy showing him the ropes!” 

Eddie snorts, “Yeah, during the first week, maybe.” 

And Eddie can definitely think of a few other reasons why Buck may have been distracted during their work trips, but he’s more than happy to throw Buck to the metaphorical wolves. 

Buck shoots him a pretend glare then turns back to Bobby, throwing his hands up. “Okay, so maybe I forgot. I can’t be perfect _all_ the time.”

The crew rolls their eyes in unison and Eddie laughs as he asks Bobby, “Wait, so what’s the deal with Inyo?”

“We always save Inyo for last and go all together instead of splitting up into pairs. It’s kind of our last hurrah before the field season ends.”

“Man, I can’t believe we’re almost at the end. Feels like I only just started.”

“Yeah, it goes by pretty quick, but if you come back next season, at least you’ll be with us from the start.”

“That’d be nice,” Eddie grins, “But Inyo sounds like a lot of fun. It’ll be nice to head out with you guys.” 

“It’ll give you a break from Buck here for a change,” Chim teases, nudging Buck with his elbow. 

“Hey, I’m a pleasure to have around. Tell ‘em, Eddie.”

Eddie feigns cluelessness, looking around and pointedly avoiding eye contact with Buck. Fixing his gaze on the rest of the crew, he asks, “Did you guys hear something?”

They all happily join in on it, shaking their heads and pretending not to hear Buck’s protests. 

* * *

An hour later and the two of them are piling into the front seats of the loaded rig. Buck wears a bright grin as he holds up the cassette tapes for the remaining books of _A Series of Unfortunate Events_. 

“Okay, Eddie. Five books, two weeks, two botanists. You think we can do this?”

“Oh, yeah. The next few weeks will be our championships,” Eddie grins back at him, settling into his seat, “So what’s next up?”

Buck rifles through the tapes until he finds one for the ninth book and reads aloud, “ _The Carnivorous Carnival_.”

Eddie laughs, “Sounds promising.” 

“Fuck yeah, I love carnivals.”

“I get the feeling you aren’t gonna love this one.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Buck chuckles as he feeds the tape into the player. 

Five hours later and Eddie’s proven right. It turns out to be no surprise that the Baudelaire siblings end up at a carnival that is an absolute travesty of human and animal rights. The siblings barely escape the dreadful fate of being eaten alive by a pack of lions only to get separated and have their caravan sent careening down a cliff. 

Around the time the book ends, they pull off the highway to fill up on gas and snacks. When they pile back into the rig, Buck opens a bag of Red Vines and offers one to Eddie. 

Eddie watches as he relaxes in his seat, chewing on a piece of licorice and smiling. “You know, when I was younger I always had this dream of running off with a circus.”

The thought of a younger Buck wanting to join a ragtag circus is so endearing to him and he kind of wants to know all about it. “What did you wanna do with them?”

“Flying trapeze,” Buck’s grin widens, “That, or taking care of the animals.”

Eddie laughs, “You know, I can totally see that for you.”

“I’ll have to get around to it in my next life, for sure,” Buck smiles and turns his body more towards Eddie, “Okay, wait, what about you? If you had to join the circus, what would you do?”

Eddie considers it for a moment, “I don’t think I’d be a performer, that’s for sure. I’d probably just help set everything up and keep things running.”

“That would’ve been nice,” Buck contemplates, then shakes his head, “To think we could’ve had a sordid circus love affair.” 

“If only. Guess we’ll just have to settle for this,” Eddie pretends to mourn but laughs all the same. He sits up in his seat a bit and redirects, “Okay, so are we ready for the next book?”

“Yeah, let’s do it.” 

* * *

By the time they get to the campsite, they’re a little less than halfway through _The Slippery Slope_ , and the further they get into it, the harder it becomes to tear themselves away.

Unfortunately, though, the sun is already beginning to set, and they’ll only have so much time before the dark makes it difficult to pitch their tents and cook dinner. So, a bit begrudgingly, they hop out of the rig and carry on with their night.

The evening brings with it a harsh and bitter chill, so while Buck finishes up with the food, Eddie looks around for some branches and starts a fire in the firepit. He prefers the cold, honestly, has always found it rejuvenating, but he knows Buck is most likely already freezing and it’s always painful to watch him shake out his skin. 

By the time dinner is ready, the fire is roaring and cackling, and they happily plop in front of it with their plates. 

Despite the fire, though, he can still feel Buck trembling finely from where he’s pressed against him. 

“You’re still cold?”

Buck nods, smiling through a shiver. “Yeah, a bit.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Eddie chides as he moves his plate from his lap and stands from his chair.

Buck looks up at him curiously. “Where are you going?”

“To get you a blanket from the rig.”

“Oh, I didn’t even think of that.”

“No kidding,” Eddie jokes as he walks towards the truck. A moment later, he’s heading back and dropping the blanket around Buck’s shoulders.

“Thanks, Eds.” Color flushes his cheeks as he wraps the blanket further around himself. Once Eddie takes his seat again, Buck is quick to lean into his warmth once more.

They finish their dinner in a comfortable silence, both of them too tired for words but not needing them anyway. Exhausted from the drive, though, they call it a night soon after, dragging themselves to their tents and quickly knocking out. 

* * *

Morning comes soon enough, bringing with it the peaceful stillness that Eddie’s come to love. 

He didn’t get much of a chance to look around the campsite the night before, but it’s beautiful in the morning light. It’s situated close to a boat dock that leads out to a large lake that’s absolutely covered in water lilies. 

The view from the dock is arresting in its simplicity - yellow and green pine trees line the faraway edge of the lake, and in the distance, a large mountain stretches across the horizon. The tip of it is blanketed in snow, a pretty peak of white piercing the sky. 

The cold morning air nips at the tip of his nose and his cheeks but he enjoys it, lets it wake him up and chase away the last dredges of sleep. Eddie perches himself on the edge of the dock and loses time as he watches the clouds slowly drift by in the reflection of the lake. 

He’s eventually pulled from his trance by a set of familiar footsteps against the creaky wood of the dock, but he doesn’t find himself mourning the silence. 

“I figured you’d be here,” Buck smiles, passing him a plate and crouching down to sit next to him. There’s still a small bit of steam coming from the breakfast burrito that Buck had partially wrapped in aluminum foil, and the smell of egg and sausage immediately animates Eddie. 

He smiles gratefully at Buck, moving a bit to make room for him, “Sorry, I didn’t realize how long I’d been sitting here.”

“All good,” Buck beams quietly as he stretches his legs out over the dock, “I love it out here.” 

“Yeah, me too,” Eddie agrees, “I’m surprised we’re the only ones here.”

“Yeah, right? I was kinda worried there was something going on, but I just checked and there aren’t any alerts, so I guess it’s just a weird week.” 

“We got lucky, then,” Eddie smiles.

Perched on the dock, they stare out at the vast lake and mountain view as they work on their breakfast burritos. 

He thinks he recognizes the shape and look of the mountain from their trip to Shasta-Trinity a few weeks ago, and curious, he gestures to it and asks, “That’s Shasta, right?”

Buck nods and makes a small _mm-hmm_ noise. “Have you heard any of the legends about it? 

Eddie shakes his head, turning himself more towards Buck. “Tell me about them?”

There’s a gleam in Buck’s eyes and it’s no time before he’s launching into the indigenous and non-indigenous folklore surrounding the mountain, and Eddie loves it. He feels warm all over as he watches Buck become enraptured in his breakdown of the different legends of Mount Shasta, his hands expressively waving around as he talks.

Weirdly, though, he falters halfway through an explanation of how it was once thought that a hidden city of people from the fabled continent of Lemuria thrived deep in the mountain, his expression briefly slipping as he seems to consider Eddie, gaging his reaction for _something_.

Eddie just brushes his shoulder against Buck’s and smiles affectionately as he asks, “Wait, so did they think that Mount Shasta was a remnant of Lemuria, or just that the Lemurians set up camp there after Lemuria sank?”

That odd look of hesitation vanishes and Buck brightens again. “They thought the people migrated there and started up this city after Lemuria vanished. There was this British guy who swore he found this whole underground city deep in the mountain, but he disappeared the day he was supposed to lead an expedition crew to it.”

“That’s suspicious,” Eddie says, taking a bite of his burrito. 

Buck looks positively gleeful. “Right?”

Eddie nods, chewing, “So no one else ever found it again, then?”

“Nope, but even still, the whole concept of Lemuria in general got really popular and was adopted by a lot of cults before it was disproved by, you know, Pangea.”

“Wow,” Eddie huffs, smiling, “How do you even know all of this?”

“Wikipedia,” Buck quips happily. 

Eddie chuckles and lets himself shift against Buck so they’re connected from shoulder to thigh, and Buck leans into it the same as he always does. 

Swallowing around a mouthful of his food, Buck starts, “Mm, speaking of cults, did I ever tell you about the time I almost joined one?”

Eddie nearly drops his burrito and he turns to Buck in disbelief, “You almost joined a cult?”

“Well, it was an accident, but yeah.”

“You _would_ accidentally join a cult,” Eddie laughs, “How’d you manage that one?”

“Well,” Buck begins, “I was in Brazil at the time, working at this surf bar, and these two girls come in and start flirting with me. I flirt back, one thing leads to another, and then they’re talking me into taking off work the next day to visit their town. And I figured why not, you know?”

“So I took the day off and went back with them, and long story short, that was a mistake. They showed me around their town which was really just a commune and introduced me to their father, who was this weirdo who got _super_ weird when I talked about heading back. They kept going on and on about ascending to this planet I’ve never even heard of, and that’s when I kinda realized what I got myself into. Anyway, I snuck out in the middle of the night and hitched a ride back to Rio, and that was pretty much the end of it.”

Eddie laughs in disbelief, “Holy shit, Buck.”

“Yeah, I know, right?” 

“I thought those things only happened in movies.”

“I guess they were onto something,” Buck grins, “Too bad I didn’t watch them _before_ I almost got initiated in a cult.”

“Well, at least next time you’ll be prepared.”

Buck laughs, “Next time?”

He raises an eyebrow at him, “With your luck, I feel pretty confident there’ll be a next time.” 

“Yeah, fair enough,” Buck concedes then stands suddenly, “Okay, enough about me and my close brush with cults. What do you say we get started for the day?”

“I’d say that’s probably a good idea,” he grins. 

* * *

The first meadow of their work week is not a welcoming one, to say the least.

And as if Buck can read his mind, he complains, “God, this is miserable.”

The meadow they’re working in is basically a swamp - at the very least, they read up on the meadow beforehand and so they knew to bring rubber boots, but every time Eddie takes a step, his boot gets stuck in a pool of muddy water. Moving around is slow going and frustrating, and the idea of having to spend the next couple of hours here is becoming more and more unappealing.

There’s also a frankly disgusting abundance of mosquitos swarming around them, which does nothing to charm Eddie towards the meadow.

After a good ten minutes of wading through the meadow, they finally reach their plot, and Buck forages through his pack before fishing out something and tossing it to Eddie. When he catches it, he realizes it’s a mosquito head net. He shoots Buck a grateful look before he pulls it over his head.

Once it’s settled into place, he glances back at Buck to find him grinning at him through his own net. “You know, I think this is our sexiest look yet.”

A harsh laugh escapes him and he rolls his eyes, “Oh yeah, this is really doing it for me.” 

Buck swats him on the shoulder, playfully scolding, “Keep it in your pants, Diaz. We got work to do.”

Eddie squints his eyes, smiling, “Since when are you the responsible one of this team?”

“Well, one of us has to be,” Buck teases, knowing that he’s absolutely full of it. 

Eddie smirks, “You know, I’m hearing a lot of talk but I don’t see you getting any work done.”

“Tushy,” Buck concedes, picking up the metal detector and starting to stalk off. 

Eddie calls out, “You know it’s touche.”

Buck turns back to him and tilts his head innocently, shouting, “Do I?”

It’s miserable work, honestly, and all of their clothes and gear become caked in mud as they establish the lines of the plot and sift through the vegetation to record the species that grow within its boundaries. The whole process takes longer than it normally does, and by the time they’re finally finished, they practically hightail it out of the meadow. 

Collapsing in the rig, they groan and take a moment to commiserate. 

“Hopefully the second meadow’s the charm?”

“Don’t think that’s the saying, but here’s hoping,” Eddie grins. 

Thankfully, the sayings are wrong sometimes. Their next meadow is a fucking delight compared to the last one - sneeze weeds and lupines litter the meadow, which is blessedly much drier than the last. Plenty of wildflowers and grasses and sedges flourish within the meadow, so it’s still a long process of recording all the species, but at least there aren’t mosquitoes biting at their skin or pools of mud to trap them. 

A few hours later, they’re making the short drive back to their campground and going through the motions of the night. It’s cold, and Buck stays huddled close to him as they prepare dinner together, with Buck trying to walk him through the recipe.

The wind picks up in the next half-hour, so as soon as the chicken is ready, they heap their food on their plates and rush to the rig, both of them groaning in relief once the heater starts to blast warm air. 

They switch the stereo on to pick up where they left off in _The Slippery Slope_ as the wind howls outside, beating against the rig. By the time they’re finished with their food, it’s still too early to turn in for the night so they elect to stay in the rig for a while longer, leaning back into their seats as they listen to the narrations of Tim Curry. 

It’s comfortable and pleasant. There’s something about it that reminds him of the pillow forts he would make with his sisters any time a storm would pass through El Paso, and the feeling of safety and contentment that would always blanket him in their makeshift refuge.

In the years since, he’s been through worse than the crack of lightning across the sky, or the rolling of thunder. Storms don’t scare him anymore, not in the way they used to, but he’s glad that he can still feel that same safety and contentment he found as a child anyway. 

Basking in it, he almost forgets the lessons of his adulthood, that the feeling always fades. 

When they both start yawning and drifting off, they head to their own tents, and that warm, safe feeling begins to slip away, slowly replaced by the feelings he’s become more familiar with in the years since the time of making forts with sisters to hide from the storm. 

The wind still rages on outside, loud and violent as it bashes against the thin material of his tent, and an inexplicable anxiety pools in his chest, seeps into his thoughts, and keeps him from sleep. He doesn’t know how long he tosses and turns before he pulls out his headphones and opens his playlist for nights like this, a selection of soothing, classical compositions. 

It was a habit he got into when he first returned from Afghanistan and couldn’t quell the dread that always lingered, that would become so big and squeeze his lungs until he could hardly breathe even when he was safe and whole in his house, worlds away from the violence and chaos of war. 

He experimented with different coping mechanisms, and he learned that some nights, he could play his music and it could be louder than the dread, could be calming enough for him to finally settle into sleep. 

Other nights the terror won, but he always figured a faulty coping mechanism was better than none at all. 

In the end, it doesn’t do him much good tonight, either. The soothing rhapsodies of Chopin are drowned out by the howling of wind against his tent and if anything, the additional noise only makes him more anxious. 

So he gives up on trying to sleep for now and flicks on his lantern, pulling out his book with the hopes of tiring himself out with the intricacies of the ecology of meadows. 

Or - that was the plan, at least until he hears the crunching of pine needles close to his tent. He recognizes the familiar footsteps, and when he unzips his tent, he finds Buck hovering a few feet away. 

“Buck?”

His expression is funny, something in between startled and determined. Eddie catches him as he’s in the middle of a movement, as if he was about to turn back towards his tent. 

He looks uncertain as he explains, “Hey, I, uh - I couldn’t sleep and I saw your light on. Is it okay if I come in?”

“Yeah, come on,” he says, moving aside to make room for Buck to shuffle in. 

“Thanks,” Buck smiles as he climbs inside, zipping the tent flap behind him once he’s fully in. “It’s pretty bad out tonight, huh?”

Eddie nods and silently extends his arm. Buck gratefully crawls into it, burying himself in Eddie’s space. His skin is cold from the bitter chill of the wind and Eddie finds himself tucking Buck that much more into himself. A soft sigh of relief escapes him as he melts into Eddie’s touch and Eddie loves it, loves the way Buck always relaxes into him, always so affectionate and eager. 

When Buck shivers under his touch, he gently rubs wherever he can reach, hoping to warm Buck up faster. Unzipping the sleeping bag, he spreads the material out over the two of them and gently pulls Buck down along with him. They move around until they settle into a comfortable position, with Buck’s head pillowed on his chest and their legs intertwined. 

“I wish I’d done this hours ago,” Buck confesses softly in the silence of the tent.

“Me too,” Eddie says simply. 

There are no more words spoken after that, both men seeping in the comfort of the other’s presence. The rhythmic movement of Buck’s chest against his own settles his heartbeat and lulls him into a comfortable sleep. The last thing he remembers is wrapping his arm tighter around Buck’s back, feeling warm and content, even as the wind howls around them. 

* * *

He wakes to the sound of small whimpers and steady, weak movement against him.

Concern immediately sinks into him, but when he turns his head, it’s quickly replaced by another feeling, sharp and hot.

Buck is still asleep at his side, his eyes closed as his eyelashes flutter erratically against his cheek, but whatever dream he’s stuck in must be...pleasant for the way he grinds lazily against his hip. His face is buried in Eddie’s neck and small hitches of breath escape his throat as he moves.

Heat pools in his gut at the uncontrolled sounds escaping Buck, and he’s uncomfortably aware of his own cock stirring in his sweats.

But just as he pieces everything together, the movement suddenly stops as Buck wakes and stares at him in horror, “Shit, _fuck_ \- Eddie, I’m-”

He moves to uncurl his arm from around Eddie’s chest, but Eddie grabs his arm before he can pull away. 

A confused expression crosses over Buck’s face, and Eddie’s kind of confused too, but he just knows he doesn’t want Buck to leave. So he swallows and tells Buck in a low voice, “You don’t need to stop. Not unless you want to.” 

Buck’s brows furrow and he stares at Eddie, his eyes dark and aroused. “Are you sure?”

And yeah, Eddie’s fucking sure. It may not be the most romantic start to the sexual side of their relationship, but he’s keyed up and apparently so is Buck. So without breaking eye contact with Buck, he slips his thigh between Buck’s legs, pressing against his cock. 

Buck’s breath catches in his throat as he moans Eddie's name, burying his head in his neck once again and panting raggedly. He rolls his hips hesitantly against Eddie and when Eddie presses into it all the more, he becomes more sure in his movements, dragging his cock against Eddie’s side. 

Quiet moans escape Buck as he chases his pleasure against Eddie and Eddie wants nothing more to drown in the sound of it. Buck drags his lips across Eddie’s skin, mouthing at his jaw and his earlobe before pulling Eddie into a filthy kiss, his tongue sliding against Eddie’s in that way Eddie’s come to crave. 

As Buck thrusts against him, he can feel the thick length of Buck’s cock against his hip and his mouth waters just the slightest, his own cock straining in his pants. 

And like a fucking mind reader, Buck lowers his hand until it’s at Eddie’s waistband, hot and heavy against his bare skin. Buck breaks the kiss, his eyes heavily lidded and glazed over in lust as his hand hovers over the fabric covering Eddie’s cock. “Is this okay?”

“God, yeah,” he chokes out, and Buck wastes no time before snaking his into Eddie’s boxers and pulling out his cock. 

He thumbs at his slit, gathering precome with the pad of his fingers and spreading it down before he wraps his hand around Eddie’s cock and starts to jack him off. His movements are hot and slick and Eddie thrusts into his touch as he strokes and squeezes, so tight and fucking good. 

Once he gets a good rhythm going, his hips pick up their movement against Eddie’s side once again, fast and desperate as he approaches his orgasm. 

Eddie has half the mind to drag him back into a kiss, sloppy and uncoordinated as they both chase their pleasure. With a harsh twist of Buck’s wrist, Eddie shudders and spills into Buck’s hand, and a moment later, he feels Buck tremble through his own orgasm against him. 

They stay like that for a few moments, their chests heaving as they try to catch their breath, but at some point they glance at each other and break into an easy laughter. 

Buck dips his head to rest on Eddie’s shoulder, almost hiding his face in it, and he brings a hand to lazily card through Buck’s hair as he chuckles.

“Good morning?”

Buck beams up at him, laughing, “Yeah, I’d say.” 

Eddie gives another short laugh as tilts his head back. “I guess we should get started for the day, huh?”

“I guess,” Buck says petulantly, pushing himself up to a sitting position and grinning as he holds up his hand, which is still covered in Eddie’s cum, “You got anything I can clean myself up with?”

“Yeah, hold on,” Eddie says, leaning over to rifle through his duffle bag, pulling out a few wet wipes and tossing one to Buck. 

Once they clean themselves up, Buck leans over and presses a short kiss to his lips. “Meet you outside in a few? I’m gonna get dressed and then I’ll get the coffee going.”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you out there.” 

And so it wasn’t exactly how he had thought their first sexual...trist would go down, but Buck didn’t seem to mind, and Eddie feels a little lighter for it. Unlike all of his past relationships, there didn’t seem to be the same pressure of expectations weighing him down, and it just felt easy. 

When he steps out, Buck is in the middle of putting coffee on the stove. As he pours some grounds into a filter, he flashes a small smile at Eddie when he approaches. 

“Hey,” Eddie greets.

Buck meets his gaze, “Hey.” 

They both start.

“So-”

“I-”

They laugh, a bit awkwardly, before Buck interjects, “You go first."

Eddie flashes him a grateful smile. “Um, what we just did...Were you okay with that?”

“I was gonna ask you that,” he lets out a small laugh, “I’m the one who basically mauled you in your sleep.”

“Yeah, I was definitely okay with it,” Eddie says, the tips of his ears burning. 

“Okay, uh - me too. I mean, I think I was pretty vocal about it, but - you know, you asked, so.” 

Eddie slowly grins, “So we’re both good, then?” 

Buck wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him closer, planting a dry kiss to the corner of his mouth. “We’re very good.” 

Eddie pulls him into a tender kiss then breaks away, resting his lips near the shell of Buck’s ear as he whispers, “Mm, you know how we can be even better?”

Buck makes a soft, questioning noise against Eddie’s lips and pulls away just enough to look at him, a mischievous grin on his face as he tilts his head. 

“Omelettes,” Eddie beams.

Surprised laughter escapes Buck and he rolls his eyes, shoving Eddie playfully. “You suck.”

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Buck.” 

Buck shakes his head fondly, “Yeah, yeah. You want yours the same as last time?” 

He nods, pressing a short kiss to his lips. “You’re the best.”

Buck breaks away and says, smug as all hell, “I know.” 

Breakfast is a quick and delicious affair of stuffed omelettes, and they transition to preparing their lunch for the day - Buck suggests their leftovers from last night’s dinner and an Israeli salad, which is more than fine with Eddie. 

As Buck starts to peel an onion for the salad, Eddie interrupts, having seen how irritated Buck’s eyes get while chopping onions. “Here, let me do that. You wanna do the tomatoes?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks,” Buck says, smiling gratefully at him as he moves to grab a few tomatoes from the cooler. 

When all of the vegetables are diced and ready to go, Buck mixes them all together and divides the resulting salad up into two tupperwares, snapping the lids on them when he’s finished. He’s about to stand when Eddie interrupts, “Oh, hang on, I got something for you.”

Buck perks up, vibrating with energy as he waits. Eddie disappears to the rig and when he returns, Buck’s eyes widen gleefully when he recognizes what Eddie’s holding. “You brought conchas?”

“Yup,” Eddie grins, plopping back down next to Buck, “They’re chocolate, too.”

He breaks into an easy grin, “Wow, you must really like me.”

“Or I just really like conchas,” Eddie challenges playfully.

Buck pokes him gently, teasing, “Nah, you like me.”

“Hm, maybe a bit,” Eddie pretends to acquiesce, his smile turning fond and soft. 

“I lucked out,” Buck gives a lopsided smile, “Snagged a guy whose love language is Mexican pastries.” 

Eddie shrugs, “Worked out pretty well for me, too.”

* * *

A few hours later finds them by a small creek that happened to cut across the meadow they had been working on. The plan was to hit up one more meadow before driving a few hours up to where their next few sites were clustered, so while they didn’t have time to take a full dip, they were happy to stick their feet in and relax on the edge as they ate their lunch. 

The creek babbles in front of them and Eddie zones out as he nibbles on the concha he packed for himself. He’s a little entranced by the small ripples of water over his skin when a pointed cough drags him out of his trance. Glancing over at Buck, he finds the other man staring at him with a pleading look and it doesn’t take him long to figure what Buck wants.

Eddie shakes his head, laughing, “Come on, you already had one.”

“Yeah, but mine was so small,” Buck whines. 

Eddie grins, “I’m pretty sure it was the same size as mine.”

Buck maintains that pleading look, and Eddie briefly resents how effective his puppy eyes are, second only to Christopher’s.

“Ugh, you’re lucky I like you,” Eddie jokes, tearing off a piece of his concha and feeding it to Buck, who immediately lights up. His eyes slide close as he chews, a happy smile softening his expression, and Eddie can’t help but kiss Buck once he’s finished, his tongue darting out to catch the sweet flakes of pastry that linger on his lips. 

Buck laughs but quickly relaxes into it, tugging Eddie closer and moaning appreciatively when Eddie deepens the kiss, and _god_ , this man is so addictive. Not for the first time, he’s grateful they work in the job they do, where workplace professionalism and boundaries don’t really matter compared to an office job or really any job where they weren’t completely alone in the woods for a whole week. 

He doesn’t have to worry about holding back or controlling himself, and for the first time in years, he finds it easy to let go and let himself have what he wants.

And what he wants is Buck, totally and completely. 

* * *

Which leads him to a certain proposal later on in the night. After making the drive a few hours north, they start to set up camp, dragging out all their gear from the rig.

When Buck moves to pull out both of their tents from the back, Eddie interjects, “Actually, I was kinda thinking...do you think it’s necessary to set up two tents?”

Buck’s eyes brighten but he quickly schools his expression as pretends to mull it over, a serious frown on his face as he argues, “It does seem a bit redundant.”

“ _Super_ inefficient,” Eddie cracks a grin. 

Buck saunters over to him, a knowing smirk smacked across his face, “And you know workplace efficiency is my number one priority, so you know...for efficiency’s sake, I think it’s the best move for us to just...share.”

Eddie tilts his chin to capture Buck’s lips in a soft, slow kiss. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

“Of course we are,” Buck beams, “We’re two model employees, after all.” 

So a few hours later finds them cuddled together in the one tent they pitched, their sleeping bags unzipped so that they could be spread out like blankets over the two of them. 

“This is so much better,” Buck sighs contentedly as he wiggles into place. 

“For sure,” Eddie smiles, wrapping an arm around Buck’s shoulders. 

Except, when Buck tangles his legs with Eddie’s, his feet press against his own and Eddie hisses, “Buck, your feet are freezing.”

Buck childishly nudges them further against Eddie’s and Eddie swats him gently on the shoulder. “Why don’t you wear socks to sleep, man?”

“I’m not a psychopath, Eddie,” Buck insists, “Besides, I got you.” 

“What, so I’m just a glorified space heater to you?”

“A very handsome space heater,” Buck grins, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

Eddie tilts his head and squints his eyes happily, joking, “So romantic.”

Buck tiredly blows him a sarcastic air kiss before pillowing his head on Eddie’s chest, his cheek squished against him as his hair brushes Eddie’s neck. 

Eddie chuckles, “Night, Buck.”

“Night, space heater,” Buck mumbles. 

Eddie playfully jabs his toe into the side of Buck’s foot, “I have a name.”

He can feel the gentle rumble of Buck’s laughter against his chest and contentment swells over him. “Goodnight _Eddie._ ” 

He lays a kiss into Buck’s curls and Buck sighs something sleepy and happy before quickly falling asleep, Eddie joining him not long after.

* * *

Morning comes soon enough, light trickling into his tent and he spends some time allowing his thoughts to drift before he feels Buck rousing against him. 

“Morning,” Eddie smiles, his hand gently moving down Buck’s spine. The fabric of his shirt is warm and crinkled from sleep. 

Buck makes an incoherent noise and burrows himself further into Eddie’s side. “It’s too early.”

“It’s the same time we wake up every day.”

“That’s criminal,” Buck says, his voice muffled by Eddie’s shirt.

Eddie chuckles, resting his hand in the small of Buck’s back. “I was thinking about taking a walk. Wanna come?”

Buck’s expression brightens and he smiles sleepily, pushing himself up. “Yeah, I’ll come.”

When they step out, it’s crisp and pleasant, the cold slowly waking him up. As they walk through the patch of pine trees that surround their camp with no real aim, Buck’s hand brushes against his and he feels brave enough to reach out, intertwining their fingers messily. 

All of these little things feel like a revelation, so large in their simplicity, and Eddie learns he loves the weight of Buck’s hand in his own, loves the way they fit together so perfectly and imperfectly. 

With Shannon and the few girlfriends he had before her, he never experienced the butterflies that everyone always talked about. He always thought it to be something that existed only in the stuff of songs and movies, collectively exaggerated by a society obsessed with the idea of romance. 

At least, that’s what he told himself, but on some level he always secretly wondered if there was something wrong with him, something unloving and unlovable. 

When he’s with Buck, though, he understands it, the nervous excitement that swells within him at the smallest of things. It’s dizzying and intoxicating and he can’t seem to get enough of it. 

At some point, they start to make their way back and carry on with the motions of the day, but the giddy feeling stays.

* * *

The first meadow is a bit of a drive from their campsite, but Eddie can’t find it in him to be too phased by the bumpy ride along the worn-down service roads when there’s a comfortable stream of hot air blasting from the heater and he’s got another thermos of coffee in his hand. 

They start the next book of _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ and Tim Curry’s voice floats through the rig, taking them through the misfortunes of the Baudelaire siblings - this time on an ill-fated submarine. It was apparently never too early to listen to the grim recountings of the Baudelaire siblings, but despite the dark nature of the story, Eddie’s spirit remains pretty high. He’s briefly reminded of the weekend mornings he spent as a kid on the couch, sitting in front of the TV as he watched cartoons with his sisters. There was something about that space in time that felt protected and sacred, and there’s a similar feeling to this space as well.

An hour or so later, they get to the meadow and that sacred space becomes something else as they walk out. 

They descend down the steep mountainside before it plateaus to where their plot is located, and the view is breathtaking. The blue outlines of faraway mountains paint the backdrop in broad strokes, creating a stark contrast to the cream-colored clouds that lay soft across the sky. 

Taking it all in, Eddie exhales, “I feel like I’m in _The Sound of Music_ or something.” 

Buck tears his gaze away from the view to glance at Eddie in confusion. “The what?”

Eddie waves him off kindly, explaining, “It’s just a great view.” 

“Yeah, right?"

The clanging of cowbells fills the air, breaking the peaceful silence of the morning, and when Eddie turns around, he finds ten or so cows approaching the topside of the mountain. And while Eddie’s never been a huge animal person, he has to admit they’re pretty cute. 

“Oh, here comes the gang,” Buck jokes as the herd slowly begins to descend down the mountain towards the meadow.

The cows take their time, and so even as they pull out the metal detector and go about their work, they’re both fairly distracted by the movement of the herd, especially as they finally come closer. 

Once they’re only a couple of yards away, Buck beams, calling out, “Good morning,” in a sing-song voice. The cows moo happily back at him, and Eddie has the notion that he might actually be dating a Disney princess. 

They end up stopping to graze on some nearby grass, and Buck and Eddie get back to work, drawing the measuring tapes across the field to establish the perimeters of the plot. It’s easy enough to set everything up, and Buck volunteers to read the first line. 

He doesn’t get that far, though - fairly soon into it, one of the cows nudges against one of the stakes holding the measuring tape in place. 

Buck whines, “Come on, don’t do that!”

She doesn’t move from where she stands, only looks at Buck unflinchingly as she continues to push at the stake. 

“Come on, please?”

Eddie almost laughs, but he doesn’t have it in him to break it to Buck that he doesn’t think trying to reason with a cow would get him very far. 

When she doesn’t budge, Buck walks towards her and gently shoos her away. Once she’s far enough, he walks back to the start of the line, his gaze fixed on her with a pseudo-skepticism. “I’m watching you, punk.” 

For a while, the cow stands innocently, unmoving, and after a few minutes, Buck stops looking over at her as he focuses on identifying the plant species around him. 

But the moment his defenses are down is when she decides to make her next strike. By the time they notice her again, she’s already back at the stake, wholly dedicated to removing the stake from where it's lodged in the ground. 

Buck pushes himself up and stalks toward her. “Hey, bad girl!” 

It goes on like that for a while, but after the continuous back and forth, the cow tires of her games and moves to rejoin the herd grazing on a patch of grass a bit away. 

Buck gives a dramatic sigh of relief, but it’s not long before another cow approaches them. This time, though, it’s a smaller, black cow with a docile expression on her face. 

As Buck reads the line, the cow stands a few feet from him, watching him with a sweet curiosity as he sifts through the flowers and grasses that grow in the area. Buck talks to her as he works, keeping his voice low and gentle, and Eddie is so painfully in love with this man. 

“Ooh, we even got some buttercups here, but that’s not too yummy for you though, is it now?”

He carefully reaches out to rub her side every now and then, and she makes small grunts of contentment as he does. As he scratches behind her ears, he coos, “She’s so sweet, I just wanna bring her home.”

“Not exactly sure she’ll fit in your apartment,” Eddie teases lightly as he makes his way over to join Buck. Slowly, he approaches the cow and places a gentle hand on her side, letting her acclimate to his touch before he starts to rub her as well. 

“She could have the upper loft,” Buck jokes, “It’s very roomy up there.”

Eddie laughs, “Can cows climb stairs?”

“I can train her?” 

“For sure,” he grins, “Just check with your landlord first to see if cows are included in your contract.”

Buck waves him off, “Oh, I’m sure I could just hide her if my landlord swings by.” 

“Sounds foolproof to me.”

The cow eventually bores of them and moves to rejoin her herd, and they’re able to wrap up their work with the absence of distractions. 

A few hours later, they decide to drive down the mountain and into Ashland to top off with gas. There, Eddie learns that Oregon’s got some weird thing where the gas station attendants fill up the gas tank for you, which feels kind of unnecessary to him. Buck disappears into the store and comes back a few minutes later, two bags in hand. 

“What’d you get?”

“Just some snacks,” Buck says dismissively. 

Curious, Eddie leans forward to peer in the bag before Buck can pull it away and he almost stops himself from laughing. “It just looks like a bunch of twinkies, Buck.”

Buck squints his eyes playfully, “Are twinkies not snacks?”

“Debatable, but I’m pretty sure you cleared them out.” 

And he really must have - the bag is filled to the brim with twinkies, and he would be surprised if Buck left any on the shelf. 

Buck shoots him a scandalized look, “Are you twinkie shaming me?”

“Maybe,” Eddie grins, “What the hell are you doing with a lifetime supply of twinkies?”

“This is hardly a lifetime supply, Eds,” Buck challenges, the deflection obvious. 

Eddie fixes him with an unimpressed glare and Buck caves, looking slightly embarrassed, “It’s just a dumb thing I do for my birthday.”

He’s taken aback, and he wonders if he heard wrong. “It’s your birthday?”

Buck nods, rolling on his heels. 

Eddie furrows his brows, glancing at Buck oddly. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“I didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it,” he dismisses, his cheeks becoming slightly flushed. 

“So you were just gonna buy your twinkies and call it a day?”

Sheepishly he tries, “Yes? That’s what I’ve always done.” 

“No,” Eddie protests, “Come on, I saw a diner a few minutes back. At least let me treat you to a proper meal.” 

Buck loses some of that flustered look and seems to relax a bit. 

“Well, if you _insist_ ,” he pretends to argue, rolling his eyes playfully as he hops back into the rig. 

The diner ends up being a good choice, cozy and quiet on the weekday morning except for a few regulars. The food is good and hot - Buck orders some complicated burger while Eddie gets a patty melt, as well as a strawberry milkshake to share (and yes, he’s completely aware of how cliche it is, but he also doesn’t care.)

“That looks good,” Buck comments as the waitress brings Eddie’s patty melt. 

“Here, try some,” Eddie offers, pushing his plate over to Buck.

“Thanks,” he says, gratefully taking a bite, “You want some of mine?”

Eddie shakes his head, “I’m good.”

Around another bite of Eddie’s patty melt, Buck audibly swallows and grins, “So, is this our first date?”

Fuck, it definitely is. While they hung out a few times last week, it had always been with Chris, and he’s not sure if any of those days count as date material.

Flustered, Eddie says, “We can always not count it?”

Buck sits up, “Nah, I want to. It’s perfect.” 

And Eddie doesn’t disagree - maybe it wasn’t the first date he had envisioned for them, but it was all he needed, and apparently Buck feels the same. 

“Okay, first date then,” Eddie contemplates lightly, “Haven’t been on one of those in a while.”

Buck hooks an ankle around his and grins cheekily, “How’s it stacking up to past ones so far?”

“Well, it’s not the worst I’ve been on,” he teases even as he gives himself away with a grin he can’t reel in. 

“Wow, the compliment to end all compliments,” Buck laughs.

Eddie presses his leg along the line of Buck’s and smiles, taking a long sip of the milkshake. 

“So, you gonna tell me what the twinkies are about?”

“Oh, it’s kinda dumb,” Buck laughs, “Maddie and I started doing it once she got a car and we could drive ourselves to the store. I was obsessed with twinkies, so we’d buy as many twinkies as years old we were turning.” 

“That’s cute,” Eddie grins, “Though I am slightly worried for you guys when you start getting up there age wise.” 

“Hey, we spread them out throughout the year,” Buck defends. “Though honestly, those things will probably outlive the both of us.” 

Eddie swallows a mouthful of food, “They’re good to have around if there’s ever an apocalypse.”

“For sure,” Buck agrees, dunking a fry in the milkshakes, “If you’re nice to me, I might be willing to share when the time comes.”

“I think I’d rather just let the zombies take me than live off twinkies for the rest of my life.”

“That’s insane,” Buck insists, “I’d live off ‘em if I could get away with it.” 

“That’s because you have the palette of a child.”

“It’s called having taste, Eddie,” he challenges, petulantly sipping the milkshake. “Okay, then. If there’s an apocalypse and you can only eat one type of food, what’s it for you?”

Eddie considers it for a moment and says the first thing that comes to mind. “Pizza.”

“Guess I can’t really argue with that,” Buck concedes, nodding. “Okay, but _just_ out of curiosity...where exactly do you side in the great pineapples on pizza debate?”

Eddie answers, “I don’t mind them.”

“Wow,” Buck scoffs, “and all this time you’ve been mocking me for _my_ palette? It’s time to take a hard look in the mirror”

Exasperated yet so, so fond, Eddie asks, “Have you even tried pineapple on pizza?”

“No, but do you need to try drinking gasoline to know it’s bad?”

“That hardly feels like the same thing, Buck.”

“Of course _you_ would say that,” Buck argues, shaking his head in disappointment. “I can’t believe my boyfriend eats pineapple on his pizza.”

Eddie laughs, “I can compromise - I promise I won’t get pineapples on my pizza when you’re around.”

Buck pretends to sigh, even around a grin, “I guess I can work with that. 

“What a relief,” Eddie comments dryly, smiling as he rolls his eyes. 

* * *

As much as Eddie could spend the rest of the day with Buck in the warmth of the diner, they’re still on the job and need to visit one more site before calling it a day, so with full stomachs, they make the drive back up the mountain and to the next meadow. 

The meadow itself is mostly made up of grasses and yarrows with the snow-capped Mount Shasta stretched across in the distance. A peaceful stillness permeates the field, hardly even a gust of wind blowing through it, and despite the fact that the meadow was transected by the heavily frequented Pacific Crest Trail, it still almost feels as if this place was just for them. 

They set up their plot and get to work, Eddie taking the first line and identifying the plants that grew along it. When he comes across a dense clump of sedges he’s unfamiliar with, he flags Buck over. 

“Have we seen this one before?

“I don’t think so,” Buck considers, squatting down next to him, “Looks like it’s _aurea_. Cute, huh?” 

He cracks a smile, “For a sedge, I guess.” 

“Yeah, the bar is pretty low for them,” Buck laughs. 

He’s about to respond when he feels a sneeze coming on, and as he turns away, he realizes it’s one of those obnoxious sneezes that come with a decent amount of wind up before it finally expels.

Even worse is the sound of a camera shutter as he’s right in the middle of it.

When he turns back, he finds Buck aiming his phone at him, and with an obnoxious grin, Buck chirps, “You forgot to say cheese.” 

Eddie looks at him, unimpressed. “For real?”

Buck gleefully turns his phone to show him the photo, which is about as awful as he expected. His face is screwed up, his eyes scrunched close and his mouth half open, and Eddie’s already plotting payback against him. 

“This is definitely your new contact picture,” Buck continues to tease, zooming into Eddie’s face, “What do you think? Should I send it to the rest of the crew?”

Eddie reaches for the phone and Buck falls over as he tries to twist away, collapsing onto the grass. 

“Hey!” Buck protests. 

With a smirk, he straddles Buck and pins him in place by his forearms. Buck’s hands curl open and his phone falls on the grass beside him. 

“You made that way too easy,” Eddie mocks. 

“Oops,” Buck laughs breathlessly, but Eddie makes no move to reach for the phone or roll off of Buck. He feels suddenly transfixed, his heart thudding heavily in his chest as Buck’s gaze holds his own, the blues of his eyes so warm and inviting.

He aches with how beautiful Buck is like this, a wide smile brightening his expression and his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks, and he doesn’t know how it worked out that he of all people got to have this but he’s so grateful he could cry. 

He cradles Buck’s face with both hands as he bends down to press his lips to Buck’s. Buck grins into it and cups the base of Eddie’s neck, holding him in place as they kiss languidly. The grass tickles his skin as their lips move against each other and he feels as if they could easily sink into the soft meadow floor. 

Soft laughter escapes Buck when Eddie runs his hands through his hair and captures his bottom lip in between his own, his tongue sliding along Buck’s as he deepens the kiss, licking into Buck’s mouth and savoring the sweet taste of strawberry that lingered from the shake. 

Buck moves under him and the mood shifts as his cock lines up with Eddie’s. It takes everything in Eddie not to grind down into it, because despite the haze of arousal that suddenly clouds him, he knows it can’t go any further than this - even though they hadn’t encountered any hikers since they’d gotten here, there was still a good chance of it considering where they were. 

So he rolls off of him and when Buck honest to god whines, he just laughs and pats his shoulder patronizingly. “Keep it in your pants, Buckley.”

Buck groans as he sits up as well, dusting his clothes off, “You’re the one who tackled me, man.”

“Maybe,” Eddie shrugs, “But I’m not really trying to traumatize some poor hiker today.”

“But it’s my birthday,” Buck pretends to pout.

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, smirking. “You know, for someone who didn’t even want me to know it was their birthday just a few hours ago, you’re turning out to be a very demanding birthday boy.” 

A wide grin stretches across Buck’s face as he looks up at Eddie. “What can I say? My boyfriend’s really hot.”

“Feeling’s mutual,” Eddie stands, dusting himself off, “Come on, we still got work to do.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck waves him off playfully, standing as well. 

The rest of the day passes the way most of their days do, and he thinks if it were anyone else, he’d be tired of the monotony of each day, but as it is, it never feels repetitive or boring. Not with Buck, who he learns more and more about each day and who makes each day feel new and exciting.

Later that night, when they’re curled up together in their tent, Eddie tugs Buck closer to himself, splaying his hand across Buck’s back. A fierce love swells within him, throbs in time to the beat of his heart, and he’s filled with an overwhelming gratitude that this person was brought into the world all those twenty-eight years ago and that he gets to have the fortune of knowing him.

Brushing his lips against his birthmark, Eddie whispers, “Happy birthday, Buck.”

Everything he wants to say feels like too much, too soon, but Buck seems to understand anyway. Eddie can feel it in the way he tilts his head to press a kiss to the corner of Eddie’s mouth, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he slowly falls asleep, and it’s enough.

* * *

Wakefulness comes to him slowly, a peaceful and gentle thing. In the space between sleep and consciousness, he relishes in the feel of Buck against him, his limbs tangled with his own and his hair tickling his skin. 

Eventually, though, duty nags at him and reminds him of the plans he has for today. He’s loath to leave Buck but he’s got a list of things to accomplish before Buck wakes up, so with a quick press of his lips to his temple, he carefully slides out from under his boyfriend and slips out of the tent. 

By the time Buck emerges from the tent a little over a half-hour later, he’s got most everything done and he’s briefly grateful to parenthood for his ability to multitask. The coffee’s made, lunch packed, and breakfast nearly ready. It’s a simple breakfast of eggs and bacon, easy enough that he could make it and focus on getting everything else ready without having to worry about messing it up. 

“Morning,” Buck says a bit sleepily as he makes his way over to Eddie, “Whatcha doing?”

“Making breakfast.”

“But it’s not my birthday anymore,” Buck points out, adorably confused.

Eddie reassures him, “I know. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“Oh,” Buck’s eyes widen and there’s a slight flush to his cheeks, “Okay. Thanks.” 

He slips behind Eddie, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “So what’s on the menu for today, chef?”

“Eggs and bacon for breakfast,” Eddie smiles, “And lunch will be a surprise.”

“Lucky me,” Buck quips, pressing a kiss to his cheek and glancing at the stove. “Is breakfast ready? I’m starving.”

“Yeah, it’s all ready to go. Just need plates,” he says. 

“On it,” Buck quips, jotting off to the rig to fetch them. 

* * *

Noon comes around soon enough, and laid out on a blanket is a spread of fruit salad, hummus and pita chips, steak sandwiches, and some pre-packaged potato salad. 

“I can’t believe you did all this,” Buck smiles as he nibbles on a strawberry, “I should’ve pegged you as a closet romantic.” 

Eddie jokes, “I have my moments.” 

“For someone who’s been out of the dating game so long, you’re pretty good at this.” 

The praise warms him but he tries to playfully shrug it off. “It’s just a picnic, Buck.”

“A very nice and thoughtful picnic. Really, I, uh - I love it, Eddie. Thank you,” Buck’s eyes shine with a quiet happiness and Eddie gives in to the urge to kiss his cheek. 

Words aren’t always easy for him but this is something he can do, something he wants to do to show Buck how much he cares about him, even if it’s something as small as a little picnic. 

He’s reaching for the hummus when the sound of gunshots pierces the air and cracks around them, ripping him away from the serenity of the meadow and into a cold panic. He throws himself to the ground, pulling Buck down with him and covering his body with his own as his heart thuds heavily against his ribcage.

For a second, he’s back in Afghanistan, taking cover from the rainfall of bullets and enemy fire, but it’s just a second. 

A gentle voice breaks through it all, and when he opens his eyes, it’s to Buck staring back at him, confused and worried. “Eddie?”

Awareness comes back to him suddenly, and he realizes he’s still got Buck pinned to the ground, his body curled protectively around his boyfriend’s. He doesn’t know what to say, but he can’t make himself move yet, doesn’t know if it’s _safe_ to move yet. 

Buck seems to understand him and quietly reassures, “It was just some hunters. We’re okay.” 

He lets the knowledge wash over him and set him right. 

“Right,” Eddie nods, steadying himself as he forces his breathing into a more regular pattern. His hands tremble against the rough grass as he pushes himself up and off of Buck. “Sorry. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Buck shakes his head, his eyes swimming with concern. A gentle hand lays on Eddie’s shoulder. “Are _you_ okay?”

He nods again, not wanting to dig all of those memories up. Not when Buck was here and they still had a whole picnic’s worth of food to get through, not when he was _finally_ doing things right. 

So he shoves it all down and decides he won’t let himself ruin an otherwise perfect day. 

“Yeah, sorry - just had a moment, is all,” Eddie dismisses, “I’m good, though. Promise.”

Buck’s expression is unbelieving but he doesn’t push it, just nods and squeezes Eddie’s shoulder before pulling away. 

* * *

Of course, he should have known that those memories always found their way back to him, dug themselves up while he slept and swallowed him whole.

Trapped in his sleep, he’s vulnerable and powerless as the ricochet of gunshots fills the air once again. It only gets louder as they get closer, as Eddie’s hope dwindles and as his heart pumps out more and more blood onto the sand that surrounds him. The acrid taste of blood in his mouth turns his stomach and his vision fades into blurs of red. 

And the fear - the fear is overwhelming, filling the air like a thick, impenetrable cloud that Eddie can’t fucking breathe around. 

Some incoherent, panicked prayer rattles inside his head and he’s not even entirely sure who he’s talking to, doesn’t really believe anyone will listen, not for him and not now, but it’s all he can think to do. There’s nothing else to do besides succumb to the fear, give himself to it, and he _can’t_. 

He remembers how he would read superhero comics when he was younger, and how he had latched onto the idea of being that for someone, of saving those who needed saving. But now and not for the first time, he desperately wants to be on the other side of it all, wants to be saved so badly, wants to cry like a baby and beg for someone to take him out of here. 

So he does, a string of pleas falling from his lips, no defenses left to stop the words before they escape. He thinks he cries but he can’t be sure, is just so goddamn _scared_. 

“ _Eddie, wake up._ ” 

The voice is kind yet urgent and it confuses him. 

They’re closing in on him but there’s a hand that grabs his own, firm and warm and _safe_ , and Eddie clings onto it with both of his own, desperate for it to pull him out of here. 

And it does - the voice is firmer now, “ _Eddie_ ,” and he’s not in the desert anymore but he’s surrounded by darkness.

“What-

A light flickers on and the details of his tent become illuminated, awareness coming back to him as he takes in his surroundings. Buck settles back on his side next to him, facing him with a concerned expression. 

“Hey, are you with me?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, ducking his head. The last tendrils of the nightmare release their grip on him, and he’s struck by a wave of shame. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he exhales, roughly dragging his hands over his face to wipe at the wetness on his cheeks.

Buck loosely circles a hand around one of his wrists and tugs it away from his face, bringing his thumb up to stroke Eddie’s cheek.

“Don’t be.” His brows are furrowed in concern and his voice is rough with sleep and worry. 

He dips his head again, finding it hard to look at Buck. There’s a part of Eddie that wants to disappear, feeling too exposed, and not for the first time he wishes he was stronger, wishes he didn’t have to ruin a good thing with everything he couldn’t seem to move past. 

“Your thoughts are loud,” Buck says, his hand hesitantly turning Eddie’s over and tracing along the inside of his wrist, “What’s going on, Eddie?”

His chest heaves and he can feel his expression screw up as he tries to reign in his emotions, “I should be over this.”

“It’s okay if you’re not,” Buck says slowly, “No one’s gonna hold it against you if you don’t have it all together all the time.” 

Eddie scoffs halfheartedly, “I wish that were true.”

Buck’s face falls but there’s a determined glint in his eyes as he insists, “Well, I won’t. I wouldn’t do that.”

“Maybe you should.” 

And Buck - Buck looks so fucking sad, sounds even more devastated. “ _Eddie_.”

He wants to take it back, not because he doesn’t believe it, but because of the pained look on Buck’s face. He can’t, though, and there isn’t much he can do, so he just tries to explain, “Buck, you don’t get it. It’s been years and I’m still like this.” 

Buck is silent for a moment and Eddie just watches the measured rise and fall of Buck’s chest, a sinking feeling making itself known the longer the silence stretches on. He tries to find comfort in the solid pressure of Buck’s fingers still on his wrist, but he can’t help but feel like he ruined this before it even had a chance to really begin. 

“You’re so good, Eddie,” Buck says quietly, a small frown etched into his expression, “You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. But you’re so mean to yourself.”

And maybe it’s childish of him but it feels too close, too much, and so he throws it back to Buck, muttering, “You’re mean to yourself, too.”

Buck seems to recognize Eddie’s deflection for what it is, though, and just huffs out a soft laugh. “Maybe. But we’re talking about you right now.”

He cringes, “Can we not?”

“Soon,” Buck insists, shifting closer and sighing, “Look, I’m not gonna pretend to know everything, but I know it’s a lot. I just...I want you to know that you don’t have to carry it alone. Not when you have me.”

And he doesn’t even know where to start in making sense of that, of this person who wants to shoulder Eddie’s weight when it had always been too much for anyone else to bear. 

He swallows and admits, “I don’t even know what that would look like, Buck.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Buck slowly smiles, so gentle and reassuring, and Eddie lets himself believe it. 

He smooths a loving hand over Eddie’s hairline, brushing back a few stray hairs. “What do you need right now, Eds?”

That, he doesn’t know. Or, he does, but it feels too embarrassing to ask. 

He and Buck have been... _more_ than affectionate since they’ve gotten together, but there’s something different about this, something that puts a pit in his stomach and clogs the words in his throat at the idea of asking for it in this moment where it had always seemed so out of reach. 

Shannon never knew about the extent of the nightmares, and the few times she had witnessed them and woken him up, Eddie had retreated to the bathroom as soon as he was pulled from it. No matter how badly he wanted to be comforted in those moments, he knew he didn’t deserve it. Not when he was already so weak all the time, not when everything he did only created more and more fissures in their marriage. 

But Buck looks at him so earnestly, his blue eyes shining with sincerity and concern, and it breaks something in Edde. He doesn’t want to hide anymore, not with Buck, and so he forces the words. 

“Can you-” he interrupts himself, swallowing down the shame that rises in his throat, “Can you hold me? Just for a little bit.”

Buck’s expression softens and he pulls Eddie into his arms, “Yeah, come on. I got you.”

They shift around until his back is plastered against Buck’s chest, and it’s so easy to fold himself into Buck’s embrace as he wraps himself around Eddie. Buck’s touch grounds him, keeps him from shaking out of his own skin.

As necessary and good as it feels, though, the shame lingers, watches over him in judgment as he makes himself small and pathetic. 

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, his voice breaking slightly, “I’m so sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Buck’s voice is firm and gentle, “I got you, okay?”

His arms are tight around him and he interlocks his fingers with Eddie’s, bringing their joined hands to press against Eddie’s chest. 

Even in the safety of Buck’s arms, unbidden flashes from his dream flit through his mind, and he tries to make himself even smaller. The words fall from his lips before he can think to take them back. “I thought I was going to die.”

Buck’s hand tightens around Eddie’s at that but he doesn't say anything, just gives Eddie the space to continue. “We - we were ambushed and I thought I’d never get to see Christopher again.”

It’s quiet for just a moment, and he thinks he feels Buck shake behind him, even as he holds Eddie tighter. 

“You’re here,” Buck exhales shakily, seeming to reassure both Eddie and himself, “You’re here, and you’re safe. I got you.” 

And Eddie just nods, allowing himself to relax into Buck’s embrace as he presses a solid kiss to Eddie’s shoulder. Buck continues to pepper slow, gentle kisses anywhere he can reach and Eddie feels so fucking _loved_.

Sleep tugs at him once more, evening his breath and loosening his limbs, and there’s still a lot that doesn’t make sense to Eddie. 

For tonight, though, he accepts that he won’t have all the answers, recognizes on some level that he doesn’t need them right now. Held together by his boyfriend, it’s enough to let go and let sleep claim him. 

* * *

The next morning, he wakes to the gentle chirping of birds outside his tent and the press of soft lips at the nape of his neck. He shudders pleasantly, melting into it, and the familiar doubts don’t even have a chance to surface before Buck draws him in closer. 

“Morning,” Buck says, dipping his head to nudge his nose against the base of Eddie’s head, and Eddie can hear the soft smile in his voice without seeing him. 

“Morning,” he exhales and turns around in Buck’s embrace. 

Buck smiles once they’re face to face and smooths a hand over Eddie’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” Eddie says. 

Buck scrutinizes him lightly, “You’re not just saying that, are you?”

“No,” he laughs, “Thank you, by the way. For last night.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” he smiles genuinely before it becomes a bit more impish, “Not for that, at least.” 

There’s a mischievous twinkle in Buck’s eyes and Eddie can connect the dots, thank you very much. 

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “You planning on giving me something else I can thank you for? 

“Hm, maybe,” Buck grins, slowly rolling on top of Eddie to straddle him, “I _am_ feeling pretty generous today.” 

He lies back, taking Buck in and smirking. “Lucky me.”

* * *

They end up getting a late start to the day, but there are worse things in the world, Eddie supposes. 

As had been the case with their trips to Stanislaus and Sequoia, this week they also had one site that was inaccessible by driving and which would require a long hike-in. The meadow was located just off the halfway point of a loop trail that was about seven miles in total, and considering it was the last site they needed to visit for the week, the whole day would be dedicated to knocking it out. 

So after prepping their packs for the long day, they hop in the rig and start the drive, listening to a CD of George Harrison’s _All Things Must Pass_ that had been given to Buck by Bobby, who Eddie learns is mostly responsible for Buck’s musical education. 

They’re eager to start the day by the time they pull up to the starting point. The first half of the hike to the meadow ends up being pretty pleasant, the trail descending and then ascending through the lush expanses of forest. The path descends once again and they soon veer off-trail to wander into the meadow that’s just on the other side of a thick patch of fir trees. 

And despite the beauty of the nature surrounding the meadow, the meadow itself is practically barren. It’s more dirt than anything else, with only a few, sparse plants spread across. A cloud of dust rises with each step they take and it’s enough to clog Eddie’s throat unpleasantly.

But even though it’s not the prettiest meadow they’ve been to, the lack of species diversity definitely makes for an easier job of recording all the plant species found within their plot. In total, they only find a handful of sedges and wildflowers, and it doesn’t take them more than half an hour to read all three lines where it would normally take them at least a few hours. 

After a quick and light lunch, they start the trek back, returning to the trail to loop back to the beginning point, with plans to stop at a lake that happened to be on the way. 

Or so, that had been the plan, but an hour later finds them seemingly further and further from it. 

At some point the trail became obscured by plant overgrowth and a general lack of maintenance, and they weren’t able to track it again even after a while of searching. Even though they continued along the same direction that the trail had led in, there was no way of telling where they were.

Buck eventually suggests ascending the mountain to get a better view and hopefully reorient themselves, and so they make the trek upwards, carefully scaling the boulders. 

The sun beats directly on them and while Eddie usually isn’t bothered by the load of his gear and pack, it weighs him down now, makes every movement slow and heavy. 

When they get to the top, they both groan in relief. Eddie bends over, resting his hands on his thighs as his chest heaves with exertion. “Jesus Christ, man.” 

“I’m fucking beat,” Buck laughs before straightening out and looking around, “But it looks like we’re in luck.”

He points down to where the lake glimmers below them, just on the opposite side of the mountain they had ascended. “I told you I knew where it was,” he says childishly. 

Eddie fixes him with an unimpressed glare and Buck, now with renewed energy, just pats him on the shoulder and grins, “Come on, let’s get down there.”

There’s no trail that leads to the lake, but it’s still a straight shot of the lake from where they stand - the mountain descends at a steep incline before it levels out at a patch of willow trees that bordered the lake. 

And while it looked easy enough to get down when they were standing from the top, Eddie quickly realizes that it’s not. 

Every time he takes a step, loose rocks slide beneath him and take him with them. He ends up on his ass more times than he can count within a matter of minutes, and he grunts frustratedly as he pushes himself up once again. When he glances over at Buck, he catches him as he settles into a squat before sitting on the rocks and carefully scooching himself down the mountain. 

Eddie laughs, “Are you for real?” 

Buck turns around and shrugs easily. “It’s easier this way.”

He raises an eyebrow at him and smirks, “You sure about that?”

“It’s all about working smarter, not harder,” Buck justifies, a lopsided grin smacked across his face, “Come on, it’s not like anyone’s gonna see you.”

So begrudgingly, he gets on his bottom as well, dragging himself down the mountain like an idiot. The rocks poke at his ass but it’s at least a bit more bearable than falling every time he tries to take a step. 

Twenty minutes later, after a bumpy as hell ride down the mountain and a brambly trek through the patch of willow trees, they find themselves at the vast lake’s edge. A stretch of dark green and yellow pine trees line the opposite edge of the lake and the water wavers invitingly in the sunlight. 

They waste no time stripping off their clothes, damp and dirty from the day, and Eddie starts to make his way into the lake. The mossy rocks that border the water are soft and slippery under his feet, and he cautiously crosses them and wades further in. The cold water bites at his toes but he keeps walking until his body is fully submerged. 

He stands in it for a moment as he allows the water to slip over his skin and wash away the dirt and grime from the day. A groan of relief escapes him and he sinks all the more into the lake, dipping his head back and partially floating. 

An aborted yelp comes from behind him, and he looks back just in time to watch Buck slip on the rocks before he rights himself. 

“Careful, Bambi,” Eddie teases.

Buck shoots him a glare before sinking into the water and swimming over to Eddie. “Feels good, huh?”

Eddie makes a noise of agreement and he dunks his head again, relishing in the refreshing cold of the water. 

They take their time swimming the length of the lake, never straying too far from each other’s side, and once they tire themselves out, they float alongside one another, happy to be in each other’s space as they relax under the warm gleam of the sun with the water lapping at their backs. 

At some point, they climb out, and Eddie can tell it’s still early. They only have little left to hike from the lake back to the starting point, so Eddie’s happy to lounge in the sun a while longer and dry off before heading back. 

Buck seems to be on the same page as well and spreads out a blanket he packed ahead across the soft ground. He makes himself comfortable, laying out across it with his arm propped under his head and one leg bent like he’s a fucking painting. He's lean and thick in all the right places, and Eddie allows his eyes to rake over his boyfriend’s body, drinking in the sight of him. 

They haven’t seen or heard anyone or miles and they’re mostly surrounded by a thicket of willow trees that shields them from view, so Eddie gives in and decides to throw caution to the wind. 

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

“You could always show me,” Buck tempts, a mischievous grin tugging at the corner of his mouth as his eyes trail down to Eddie’s groin, and that’s all Eddie needs to take the leap. 

He quickly closes the distance between them and lowers his weight onto Buck, bracketing Buck’s head with his forearms and capturing Buck’s bottom lip between his teeth. He licks at it teasingly before slipping his tongue into Buck’s mouth, moaning as Buck draws him in. The sun is hot against his back, and he feels warm all over as Buck’s hands roam the expanse of his back, exploring and gripping for purchase as they kiss hungrily. 

He rolls his hips down and Buck’s breath hitches in his throat as he throws his head back, exposing the long column of his throat. Eagerly, he bends his neck to plant his lips there, sucking on the tender skin, and Buck writhes under his weight as delicious moans escape his throat. 

Their hard lengths are trapped in between their stomachs and Eddie shifts their hips so their cocks line up, sliding them together in a filthy and fluid movement. 

Immediately, his cock twitches against Buck’s, and _fuck_ , that feels so good. 

The precome that dribbles from both of their cocks eases his movements, making his thrusts hot and wet, and for a while there’s no other sound besides the wet slick and their harsh breathing. 

Buck whines and arches into him, a steady stream of moans and curses falling from his lips, “Eddie, Eddie, _please_.” 

He takes both of their cocks in his hand and strokes them, loving the velvety feel of Buck’s cock in his hand and against his own flesh. His touch is light and teasing for a moment before he tightens his grip, determinedly stroking and squeezing their cocks. He relishes in the wet sound of the movement of his hand around their cocks, and of Buck’s breathy moans as he gets closer and closer to finishing. 

With a twist of his wrist over the head of his cock, a strangled noise escapes Buck’s throat as his entire body shudders, his cock twitching against Eddie’s as hot ropes of cum spurt across his chest. Eddie nearly comes himself as he watches his boyfriend tremble through his orgasm, and his own breath becomes heavy with need. 

As Buck comes down, his hands immediately tangle themselves in Eddie’s hair to pull Eddie into a kiss, sweet and filthy. Eddie gets sucked into it, addicted to the slide of Buck’s tongue against his own, but eventually Buck rolls them over and works his way down to Eddie’s cock, which was still achingly hard and leaking precome against his belly. Flashing a grin up at Eddie, he presses a sloppy kiss to the inside of Eddie’s thigh, teasing the skin there and it’s so good and close but not enough. 

“Buck, come on,” he whines. 

Grabbing the base of Eddie’s cock, he feeds the head into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around it and lapping at the slit. When he finally sinks down onto it, Eddie’s world narrows down to the pleasurable heat that surrounds him and coils tight in his gut. It’s been so long and Buck is hot and wet around him, his tongue working over Eddie’s length as he sucks him down. 

Overwhelmed, he tilts his head back and moans, “Shit, Buck, that - that feels so good.”

Buck preens with the praise and takes more of Eddie’s cock, his eyes sliding shut in pleasure, and fuck he’s such a pretty picture, his expression blissed out as his swollen, pink lips bob up and down his length. Eddie rakes his hand through the light, short strands of Buck’s hair and Buck moans appreciatively around him. 

The vibrations send Eddie into overdrive and he can feel himself getting close. Around a moan, he warns, “Buck, I’m gonna-

He tries to pull away but Buck doesn’t let him get far. He presses his hands into Eddie’s hips, gently holding him down as he swallows around Eddie’s cock, and that’s all it takes for him to spill into the heat of Buck’s mouth, thrusting weakly into it as pleasure rolls through him in waves. 

Buck swallows his load and lets Eddie’s cock slip out of his mouth with an obscene pop, panting as he grins proudly up at Eddie. For a moment after, he rests his head against Eddie’s hip, nuzzling the skin there as he catches his breath. Eddie keeps his hand in Buck’s hair, soft and appreciative, as he tries to recover. 

“Jesus Christ, Buck.” 

Buck looks up at him, a happy and far off look in his eyes. “Good?”

“Definitely.”

At that, Buck melts into a content smile and crawls up to collapse at Eddie’s side, hooking an exhausted arm over his chest.

He doesn’t know how long they stay there like that but he can’t find it in himself to care either way. The press of Buck’s bare skin is too good against his own, warm and soft and addicting.

At some point, they'll get up to clean themselves and finish the rest of the hike, but for now they allow themselves to bask in each other’s hold and in the warm sunlight that beats down on them.

* * *

“ _Ow_.”

“This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t forget to put on sunscreen.”

Buck sits shirtless in their tent later that night as Eddie examines his back, which is sunburned to hell. 

Buck turns back to grin at him cheekily, his eyes squinting as he tilts his head. “And whose fault was it that I was distracted this morning?”

“If I remember correctly, you were the one who propositioned me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck waves him off, “Are you gonna help me or not?”

Eddie rolls his eyes and relents, “Lay on your stomach.”

“So bossy,” he teases as he settles into place on his stomach. 

“Yeah, but you like it.”

Buck’s face flushes and Eddie holds back a laugh as he rifles through his duffel bag for the bottle of aloe he packed.

When he finds it, he pours some aloe into his hand and gently rubs it into the broad expanse of Buck’s back, keeping his touch light and soft. 

“That feels so good,” Buck groans in relief, his head dipping down, “Thanks, Eddie.”

Once he’s finished, Eddie presses a kiss to the nape of his neck and pats his shoulder gently. “Okay, you’re all set.”

Buck rolls over and pushes himself up and into Eddie’s space, smiling brightly at him. “My hero.”

Eddie teases, “What would you do without me?” 

“I probably would’ve worn sunscreen in the first place, but that’s water under the bridge,” Buck grins. 

He raises his eyebrows and grins sarcastically, “See if I help you next time you’re sunburned.”

“Aw, come on. I said it’s water under the bridge,” Buck whines, draping himself over Eddie.

He rolls his eyes and maneuvers them under the material of their sleeping bags, “Come on, let’s sleep.” 

“Ugh, fine, old man.” 

* * *

The last day of their work week comes faster than they realize, and all that’s left for them to do is pack up camp and make the long drive back down to Los Angeles. 

Buck volunteers to drive the first half of the trip, and with that they’re on their way, heading west back down the mountain on the winding, rocky service roads. 

It’s a relaxed morning, at least until they finally get back into a service zone. The moment their service turns on, Eddie’s phone buzzes with an alarming number of incoming texts. His heart rate skyrockets at that - no one ever really texts him unless there’s an emergency, and he immediately fears the worst. 

They’re mostly all from Shannon, and a knot forms in his stomach as he reads her messages. 

>> SOS

>> Your mom and dad showed up to your abuela’s 

>> you didn’t tell them about your job?

Eddie curses under his breath and Buck glances over at him in concern, a questioning look in his expression.

He sinks into his seat, sighing heavily, “My parents are in town.”

“You weren’t expecting them?”

“No,” Eddie groans, his head falling in his hands, “This is just like them to show up unannounced.”

Buck sounds unsure as he tries to comfort, “Hey, it’s - it’s gonna be okay, Eddie.”

And even though he’s not sure how much he believes that yet, he still feels himself relax marginally as he lets himself take comfort in the reminder that he isn’t alone in this anymore. He has Buck, his tia and abuela, Shannon...things wouldn’t be as bad as they had been before he left El Paso. 

Buck is still looking at him carefully, his brows furrowed in a worried expression, and he feels the need to explain, “I love my parents, I do, but things are complicated with them.”

“Complicated how?”

There’s a gentleness to Buck’s tone, a clear out in it that Eddie can take if he wants, and he surprises himself when he doesn’t. “They don’t think I know what’s best for Christopher, or that...I’m what’s best for him, really.”

“What does that mean?” The bite in Buck's voice oddly warms him, even amidst the flare of panic and stress he feels. 

“I don’t know,” he sighs, “I feel like I’m always doing the wrong, you know? I mean, sometimes I’m their hero son and they’re proud of me, but other times I’m just a deadbeat father who’d only drag my kid down with me.” 

Buck looks devastated as he looks at Eddie again. “They said that to you?”

He lets himself look over at Buck and he feels the familiar need to backtrack and explain where his parents were coming from. “Buck, I...when I first came back, I wasn’t the father I wanted to be. I knew it, and so did they. Shannon left and I had to work crazy hours and I just...wasn’t managing. But I swear I was trying.”

Buck nods and looks at him with so much certainty, an absolute trust in what Eddie says. 

“So I get it, why they said that,” he continues, “A part of me still wishes they hadn’t, though.”

“They shouldn’t have,” Buck insists, “They’re wrong. You know that, right?”

“Most of the time, yeah.”

He reaches for Eddie’s hand and rubs a thumb across his knuckles. “Eddie, that kid is so happy. Being with you is what’s best for him, no doubt about it.” 

His heart pounds heavily in his chest, and it’s that easy. It’s been exhausting, always having to prove himself to everyone and never having it be enough, but Buck - Buck makes him feel like it is.

He offers a weak smile, clearing his throat slightly and wincing. “Thanks, Buck. I’m just...really not looking forward to dealing with them when I get back.” 

“Yeah, I get that,” Buck says, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie hesitates, smoothing the fabric of his pants anxiously. “Would you be upset if I didn’t tell them about us? At least, not yet.”

“Yeah - yeah, of course, Eddie. I know we’ve been moving kinda fast, but we don’t have to do everything all at once.” 

The thing is that Eddie wants to, beyond reason and fear. 

He reassures Buck, “I like where we’re at. I’m just - I’m worried about what they’re gonna say and I kind of want this to be...our’s. Just for a little bit longer.”

“I’m good with that,” he smiles softly. “Do they, uh, know you’re…”

“Into field botanists?”

A laugh escapes Buck and the sound of it fills Eddie’s ears, makes him feel a little more at ease. 

“Not really. I was already dating Shannon by the time I let myself think about it, and at that point, it didn’t really matter. At least not enough to tell them, you know?” 

Buck makes a soft noise of consideration, his thumb still drawing circles into the back of Eddie’s hand. 

Eddie carefully asks, “What about your parents? Do they know?”

“No,” Buck says, the rhythmic motion of his thumb stuttering for a moment before resuming, “They don’t know. They were never really around enough for it to come up.” 

There’s enough said in the unsaid, and Eddie’s heart clenches in his chest.

“I’m sorry they weren’t what you needed them to be.”

“I’m sorry yours aren’t, either,” Buck says softly, squeezing his hand. 

The rest of the ride passes in a blur. They listen to the rest of _The Grim Grotto_ and as Buck drives on the monotonous, empty stretches of highway, he barely lets go of Eddie’s hand, only taking it back when he needs both hands to maneuver the rig. 

While he’s usually anxious to get back home to Christoper by the end of the work week, a creeping dread begins to settle in his stomach as they get closer and closer to Los Angeles. 

But Buck cuts through it all, a steady and calming beacon. 

However, sooner than he’d like, they’re back at the Forest Service building. It’s already dark and quiet by the time they pull into the lot, and they make slow work of unloading the rig and hauling everything back into the office. 

Buck hardly leaves his side throughout it all, and once they’re back in the parking lot, he gently pulls him into the space between their trucks and bends protectively over him. 

“Let me know how it goes with your parents, okay? I’ll be around if you need anything.”

Eddie nods, looking off to the side uncomfortably, but Buck shifts, catching Eddie’s gaze and holding it. His eyes shine with a soft fierceness that makes Eddie feel exposed. 

“I mean it, Eddie. Anything.”

“Okay,” he whispers. 

Buck wraps his arms around him then, cradling the back of his head with one hand as he presses a kiss to his hairline, letting his lips linger as they stand still together. He feels...precious, fragile in Buck’s embrace, and it still takes Eddie aback. More than anything, though, he knows he’s safe here, safe in the knowledge that he could let himself be less than strong and that someone would hold him together until he could make himself whole again. 

And in the silence, he can hear the words, echoed with each beat of his heart and pressed in the space between his ribs. _I love you, I love you, I love you_

Eventually, regrettably, he pulls himself away and into his truck, forces himself to make the drive back home alone. Anxiety pools in his chest all the way, and he allows himself a moment to sit in his driveway and collect himself before making his way inside. Pushing open the door with his duffle bag, he’s not surprised to find his parents sitting on the couch, waiting for him and wearing matching expressions of disappointment. The sight is so familiar yet so wrong and out of place here, and Eddie wishes he was anywhere else.

But he’s not. There’s nothing to do but close the door and face the music. 


	8. los angeles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short and (not so) sweet chapter to celebrate the new season :)

There’s something about seeing his parents in this space he’s made for him and Christopher miles away from Texas that unnerves him, throws him off-kilter and clogs the words in his throat. 

So, regrettably, he’s only able to ask, “What are you guys doing here?”

Both of his parents sigh and Helena rolls her eyes, commenting, “It’s good to see you too, Eddie.”

A pang of guilt and embarrassment stabs at him, and he apologizes, “Sorry, I just - wasn’t expecting you.”

They both stand from the couch and Ramon smooths the legs of his pants as he explains, “Well, we thought we’d come by and see how you guys were adjusting out here, but we didn’t realize you wouldn’t even be in the city when we came.”

“You would’ve known if you called,” he says, dropping his duffle bag by the couch. 

Helena scoffs, “So it’s our fault for not assuming you’d leave our grandson alone for a week?”

“He wasn’t alone, he was with his mom.”

Ramon chimes in, “Yeah, his mom who abandoned him for two years - what if she left again while you were away?”

Eddie sighs, heavy and frustrated. “Dad, it’s late and I’m tired. I’m really glad to see you guys, but can this please wait until tomorrow?”

“Fine,” Ramon relents, “We’re staying at your abuela’s, but we’ll swing by in the morning. We promised to take Chris out for breakfast.”

He sighs, “Okay, yeah. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” 

They head out, and Eddie’s left with a tangled mess of emotions he doesn’t even want to try to unravel. Not tonight, at least. 

Later that evening after he’s checked on Christopher, who was already put to bed by his parents before he came home, and finished his nightly routine, he notices a text from Buck. 

_**> > thanks for a great week, by the way. hope things are ok at home** _

It sends a burst of warmth through him and he clings to it, leans on it to fall into an uneasy sleep. 

* * *

The next day comes sooner than Eddie would like, but for the most part, it passes by without incident. Eddie is a lot of things but he’s not above using his child as a buffer against his parents - he makes sure to have Chris dressed and ready by the time Ramon and Helena come to the house, and throughout the day, he goes wherever Chris goes, not wanting to be stuck alone with his parents.

So it works until it doesn’t, and it’s not until dinner that night that things take a turn. 

As if sensing how much Eddie dreaded being alone with his parents, his abuela and tia had invited themselves over, bringing with them a large spread of food, which Eddie was almost equally grateful for. His clumsiness in the kitchen was yet another weakness for his parents to harp on, and he was thankful that at least tonight, he’d have to endure one less passive-aggressive comment. 

Of course, there was always one thing or another for his parents to comment on. 

They’re all sitting around the dinner table when Ramon clears his throat and asks, “So, what’s your new job like?”

“It’s good,” Eddie says carefully, “I like it a lot.”

“I didn’t realize you were still interested in flowers,” Ramon says, gingerly cutting his steak. 

Eddie shrugs, staring at his plate. He doesn’t mention how after a certain age, he learned to stop coming to them with his interests. Even now, he still remembers their annoyance when he’d call out the names of flowers he saw as they drove by, or their frustration when he cried because they wanted to cut down the ocotillo that grew in their front yard. 

“Daddy took me to see the poppies,” Chris chimes in, “We should go see them again.” 

As much as it warms him that Christopher loved the poppies as much as Eddie did, he couldn’t think of anything he’d like less than to visit with his parents. The poppy reserve felt sacred, a symbol of their new life in California, and the idea of his parents roaming its fields twisted his stomach unpleasantly.

Eddie smiles at him. “I’m not sure if we have time for that, but I’m sure we can figure something else out, right?”

Christopher nods enthusiastically and bounces in his seat. “We could go surfing! My teacher says I’m a natural.” 

_Fuck._

His parents immediately turn to him, and Ramon asks, “You’re letting him surf?”

He shoots his dad a look, not wanting to do this in front of Chris. “We’ll talk about this later, dad.”

Christopher looks at his grandparents and back at him with the look of a kicked puppy, and Eddie hates it more than anything. 

In a small voice, Chris says, “It’s a lot of fun.”

Ramon recovers and tries to smile, even though it’s more of a grimace than anything. “I’m sure it is, Chris.” 

Hating the dejected look on his son’s face, he nudges Chris gently and grins, “He even helped his friend get the hang of it. Soon enough he’ll be teaching the class himself.” 

Christopher beams up at him, and it’s worth any extra ammunition he’s given his parents. 

Standing up, he says, “I’m gonna go grab a beer. Anyone need anything from the kitchen?”

Everyone else shakes their heads but Chris pipes up, “Can I have more juice?”

A flare of warmth cuts through everything else and Eddie breaks into an easy grin. “Yeah, bud. I’ll be right back.”

He grabs Christopher’s cup and kisses the top of his kid’s head before excusing himself to the kitchen, desperate for relief.

Naturally, his dad would see this as the perfect opportunity to confront Eddie, and he’s mostly unsurprised when he follows him into the kitchen a moment later.

“Surfing, Eddie? Are you insane?” 

He glances back out to the dining room, where everyone was still eating and talking, and hisses, “Can we not do this right now?”

“No, Eddie, I’ve been quiet this whole time but I think it’s gone far enough. What the hell are you thinking?”

“He wanted to learn, and we found an adaptive surfing program with good instructors. Do you really think I’d let him do something that wasn’t safe?”

Of course, his dad didn’t need to know about the anxiety that tugged at him every time Christopher paddled out to sea. He thinks it might always be there, that persistent little fear, but that will always be his burden to carry, not Christopher’s. 

His dad shakes his head, frustrated. “I don’t know, Eddie. It’s hard making sense of any of your decisions these days.” 

His eyes narrow and he can hear the bite in his tone. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what I mean.” 

Eddie ignores him, turning around to pull a beer and juice box out of the fridge. 

“Eddie, he spent most of his life with us, in El Paso. You don’t know what he needs - how could you?”

He slams the fridge door and turns around. “I’m his father, and I’m not doing this with you again.”

Eddie makes to leave the kitchen but his father stops him in his tracks. “Were you even thinking about him when you decided to move all the way out here? Or were you just trying to get back at us?”

With a firm voice, he insists, “I did this for Christopher. _Everything_ I do is for him.”

“Taking up some job looking at flowers is for him?” Ramon snears, “And reenlisting, was that for him too?”

“That’s-”

“Tell me, if you weren’t shot out of the sky, would you have ever bothered coming back home?”

An eerie coldness washes over him as the weight of his father’s words sinks in and crushes him, stealing the air from his lungs. For a moment all he can do is stand as he fights against the current that threatens to buckle his knees and send him crashing. 

Another moment, and he swallows around the lump in his throat. “That’s not fair.”

His voice sounds weak to his own ears but his father’s resolve breaks anyway as remorse seems to seep in.

Ramon’s face is pinched as he sighs, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” 

An uncomfortable silence falls on them, with neither knowing how to climb out of this grave they've found themselves trapped in. 

Quietly, Eddie tries to say, “I was always coming home.” 

A sympathetic expression softens his father’s features and he reaches out to cradle Eddie’s cheek in his hand. His eyes shine with emotion but they never leave Eddie’s.

“I know. And I thank God every day that you did, Edmundo.”

His hand tightens against Eddie's cheek before he pulls away. There's a heaviness in the air with everything that was left said and unsaid, but Ramon just turns and slowly makes his way back into the dining room. 

After his father leaves, Eddie rests his head on the counter and tries to breathe through the hollowing ache that's wedged its way into his chest. When a few minutes pass and he still feels trapped, he slips out the side door and into the backyard, collapsing onto the porch and letting his head fall in his hands. 

When he hears the door open a few minutes later, he looks up to find his abuela smiling at him. 

“I thought I might find you out here,” she says lightly. 

He sighs, “I’m sorry, I know I should head back in.”

With a twinkle of amusement, she asks, “Did I say that?”

He shares a small smile with her, making room on the porch as she sits down beside him. They both stare out into the empty backyard, and it's peaceful. It briefly reminds him of all the days he would spend with her in her old backyard when he was younger, and the memory of it soothes him just enough. 

“You’ve been unhappy for so long, Edmundo,” his abuela says gently, breaking the silence. There's a current of sorrow underlying her voice. “I could see it all over you, when you first came back home after all those years away." 

He turns to her, silent and receptive, and she continues. 

“But since you guys came out here, it’s been different, hasn’t it? _You’ve_ been different,” she turns to him and smiles, “You’re happy.”

It takes him by surprise, but it's the truth, and he slowly nods. A familiar guilt tugs at him at the admittance, but his abuela’s smile is soft and warm, leaving little room for the rest. 

Looking out into the backyard again, he admits, “I just wish that was enough for them, you know?”

She pats his hand sympathetically. "They'll come around." 

Eddie scoffs half heartedly and his abuela laughs softly, the sound uncoiling the knot that had formed in his stomach. 

“You’re going to be okay, Eddito,” she reassures, gently patting his cheek, “Just a few more days.” 

“God help us,” Eddie manages a wry smile, and she pretends to pinch him admonishingly.

She kisses his cheek and pats it once more before pushing herself up from the porch and standing. 

When he looks up at her, there's a mischievous look in her eyes and she smiles knowingly. “You know, I’m very tired. I think it’s best we head home, don’t you think?” 

Understanding her intention, he laughs and stands, wrapping his arms around her. “Thank you, abuela.”

She pulls away and smooths his hair affectionately. “Anything for you, Edmundo. Always.”

They head back inside and soon after, his abuela feigns tiredness and convinces his parents to head back to her place along with her. If they see past her act, they don’t let on, easily agreeing to follow her back to her house. 

Once they’re gone and Christopher is put to bed, he’s alone with his thoughts. Sleep doesn’t come easily, and it’s hours of mulling over every word his parents said and every decision he’s made before he’s finally able to find enough relief to fall asleep. 

* * *

The following day is easier for the fact that he stays behind as his parents take Christopher to the zoo. If anything, he knows they appreciate the alone time with their grandson - no matter how much his parents seemed to dislike him most of the time, their world started and ended with Christopher, and Eddie would always love them for that. 

They return in the evening, his parents trailing behind Christopher as he makes his way inside with a beaming smile and a giraffe stuffed animal clutched in his hand. 

Eddie flashes a hesitant smile towards his parents before jotting over to Chris and sweeping him into a hug. “Hey, how was your day, buddy?”

He shouts excitedly, “I got to feed a giraffe!”

“No way - were they nice?”

“The nicest,” Christopher grins, “I wanna live at the zoo, dad.”

He laughs, “But where would you sleep?”

“With the monkeys!”

“Not the giraffes?”

“No, they’re nice but they’re too tall. But I’m friends with the monkeys, too. I made funny faces at them and they laughed.” 

Eddie smiles, gently ruffling Christopher’s hair. “Well I guess we’ll have to go back and visit them again soon.”

Christopher nods emphatically, curling his hand into Eddie’s shirt. “Hey dad?”

“Yeah, Superman?” 

He loudly whispers, “I gotta go to the bathroom.”

Eddie chuckles, and settles Chris back on the ground. “Alright, go on, bud.” 

Christopher disappears down the hallway and a familiar uneasiness settles under his skin as he’s left alone with his parents. 

He turns to them and tries to smile. “Thanks for taking him. It seems like he had a really good time.”

“We did, too. We miss spending time with him,” Ramon says pointedly. 

Eddie grimaces before he straightens out and tries to change the subject. “Have you guys eaten?”

His parents both nod in unison.

At a loss, he suggests, “Do you guys wanna play a board game? Chris has been wanting to try out this new one he just got.” 

They both look at each other awkwardly before agreeing, and when Chris comes back from the bathroom, they find themselves gathered around the table over a game of Catan Junior. 

They play for an hour or so, and when Christopher starts to nod off in his seat, he shoots his parents a smile. “I think it’s time we call it a night.”

They agree and give Chris goodnight kisses before Eddie carries him to his room and takes him through his bedtime routine. Eddie barely tucks him before he’s completely knocked out, his arms curled around his new stuffed giraffe. 

As he tiptoes out of Christopher’s room and into the hallway, he feels his phone buzz, and when he pulls it out he sees it’s a message from Buck. 

_**> > how’s it going? **_

_**> > need me to fake an emergency to get you and Chris out of there? because I can totally fake cry if you need me to ** _

A small laugh escapes him and he quickly types out a response. **< < Hold off on extraction for now. **

“Who’s that?”

His heart leaps in his throat - he hadn’t even noticed his mom approaching him. 

Schooling his expression into something that’s hopefully a bit more neutral, he pockets his phone and waves off, “Just a coworker.”

Her eyes narrow. “Buck?”

He feels as if a bucket of ice water has just been dumped over him, a cold panic washing over him.

At his apparent confusion, Helena explains, “Christopher talked a lot about him.”

He tries to brush it off, explaining, “Yeah, he’s met him a few times.”

She raises an eyebrow, appraising and judging. “Chris said you guys went on a road trip together.”

“It was just a short day trip, a couple of hours from here,” Eddie sighs frustratedly. 

“Eddie,” her voice is already so exasperated, “Is it really a good idea to let him get so close to someone you barely know?”

“I do know him, mom.”

“For barely a few months,” his mom insists, laying a hand over his. Her tone changes, becoming soft and sickly sweet as her eyes shine with emotion. “We just want you to be careful is all. Both you and Christopher have been through enough.”

A painful ache carves its way through his chest. He knows they mean well, that they only want what’s best for Christopher, but Eddie still feels crushed by the weight of it all. 

“We’re happy, mom,” he insists, “We’re really happy here. Isn’t that enough?”

Doubt is latent in every facet of her expression and Eddie already knows her answer, even as she acquiesces, “Of course it is.” 

They both know she doesn’t mean it, but that’s the end of it.

She gathers his father and after an uncomfortable goodbye, they make the drive back to his abuela’s and he’s alone again. 

As he sinks onto his couch, he’s so tired and everything in him aches for Buck, to have him close and not feel so goddamn lonely. 

There’s a part of him that feels ridiculous for needing Buck, but Buck had told him to call for anything, and Eddie wants him near, more than anything. 

So without giving it too much thought, he calls Buck, and the phone barely rings before Buck answers. 

“Eddie?” His worried voice filters through Eddie’s phone. 

“Hey,” Eddie greets, “Can you come over?”

“Yeah, is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Eddie reassures. “Just wanna see you.”

Buck’s voice is warm and puts Eddie at ease. “Okay. I can be there in twenty.” 

He finds himself smiling as he says, “Okay, see you then.”

True to his word, Buck is at his door in less than twenty minutes. Wearing a concerned expression, he greets, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Eddie returns, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist. Strong arms fold him into their embrace and Eddie falls into it so easily, the weight of everything dissipating just enough to finally feel some relief. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Buck says, resting his forehead against Eddie’s. “I was really worried about you.”

Eddie pulls away a bit to look at him. “You were?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh,” Eddie says, a bit stunned, “You didn’t need to be. It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

Buck’s eyes turn sad but he just kisses Eddie’s forehead gently and pulls him in closer. His voice is lighter when he teases, “I’m still gonna worry. It’s kinda what I do.”

It feels kind of nice to have someone who worries for him, who has his back. 

“Well, can’t say I didn’t try to stop you...” he trails off teasingly, pecking Buck’s cheek before tilting his head towards the living room.

Buck follows him inside and asks, “So how are you, really?”

He lowers himself down to sit on the couch, taking a moment to figure that question out for himself. “I’m okay? I don’t know. I always feel out of sorts whenever they’re around.” 

Buck flashes him a concerned glance as he sits facing him, nudging his feet under Eddie’s thighs. “What’s been going on?”

“I mean, the usual. They think everything I do is wrong - leaving him with Shannon, signing him up for surf lessons, letting him get so close to you so soon...” he trails off uncertainly.

He looks surprised and maybe a little pleased. “You told them about us?”

Eddie smiles, “No, actually, uh - Chris did. He wanted to tell them all about his new best friend.” 

There’s a happy glimmer in Buck’s eyes, but there’s a hesitance in his voice when he asks, “Is that okay? I-I know we’ve been moving really fast, but if I - I need to take a step back, or-”

“No,” Eddie shuts down that train of thought, “I don’t want to do that.”

Buck seems to relax at the reassurance, leaning more into Eddie’s space and laying his hands over Eddie’s, silently encouraging him to continue. 

He exhales shakily and explains, “I...this whole time, I’ve just been following my gut, you know? And so far, things have been really good. I’m happy - happier than I’ve been in years, but I don’t know. Maybe they’re right, maybe I am being selfish.”

“No, Eds - come on,” Buck says, “Does Chris seem unhappy to you?”

“No,” he admits. 

Buck gives him a look that is amused but still compassionate. “Then what’s the problem?”

Slumping a bit, he sighs resignedly. “I don’t know.”

Buck’s expression mellows as he turns Eddie’s hand, sliding their fingers together in a soft and messy hold. 

Eddie watches as Buck stares at their hands for a moment. “You’re a good dad, Eddie. You being happy doesn’t change that - if it does, it’s only for the better.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kids take after their parents, right? And while I’m sure Chris loves the city and being with his mom and the rest of his family out here, I'm sure a lot of the reason he’s so happy has to do with the fact that _you’re_ happy.” 

“Oh,” Eddie says, mulling it over, “I guess I never really thought about it like that.”

Buck brings their joined hands to his lips to press a gentle kiss to Eddie’s knuckles. “Even beyond that, though, you deserve to be happy just for the sake of being happy. Everyone does.”

It kind of takes him aback, and he realizes that at some point, he stopped believing that for himself. For the first time in a long time, though, he finds himself wanting to give in to that simple revelation, to believe that it could also be true for someone like him. 

Buck doesn’t say anything else, just repositions himself to snuggle into his side. The heaviness of their conversation melts away as Eddie brings an arm to wrap around him, contentment thrumming through him as he relishes in the closeness he’s missed so much the last few days. 

Nudging his nose against Buck’s temple, he smiles, “So, what were you doing before I called?”

Buck grins up at him, soft and wide. “Watching MasterChef Junior.” 

“What’s that?”

“You haven’t heard of it?”

“Nope.”

“It’s a cooking competition show with Gordon Ramsey and a bunch of little kids.” 

Jokingly, he asks, “You think I should sign Chris up for it?”

“Unless he knows how to sear a filet mignon, I might save your time.” 

“You mean you haven’t tried his filet mignon yet? It’s to die for.”

Buck laughs, “I’d bet it’s better than yours.” 

Feigning offense, he teases, “So what, I just invite you over here for you to make fun of me?”

“No,” Buck says softly, threading a gentle hand through his hair and tilting his chin to brush his lips against Eddie’s and capture them in a soft kiss. Everything else bleeds away as Eddie gets lost in the comforting pull of Buck’s lips against his, so soft and warm. 

Their kisses stay soft and slow, and he doesn’t know how much time passes like that, but when Buck stifles a yawn into their next kiss, he laughs and pecks him on the lips. “You can stay if you want. I don’t have to meet with my parents until noon.” 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Buck smiles, “You really don’t mind?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I did,” Eddie says, returning his smile and tilting his head towards his room, “Come on, I got some spares you can change into.” 

Buck follows him towards his room, and they fall into an easy routine as they get ready for sleep. Once they’re done and settled in bed, Buck curls up next to him, resting his head against Eddie’s chest in a way that has quickly become so familiar. 

In the comfortable silence of his room, Eddie says, “I’m gonna miss this next week when we’re out with the rest of the crew.”

Buck squints his eyes and suggests, “I can always pretend that I forgot my tent at home?”

He laughs, brushing the back of his hand against his shoulder. “You’re not a good liar. Bobby would see through it in a second.”

Buck groans, dipping his head against Eddie’s chest. “You’re probably right.” 

He pretends to contemplate, “At least I’ll get a break from your snoring.”

“You love my snoring and you know it.” 

And he really does, but he knows he doesn’t need to say it for Buck to know it. 

He just presses into Buck’s warmth and exhales contentedly, “Thanks for coming tonight.”

“Anytime, Eds,” he returns softly, curling his hand into the fabric of Eddie’s shirt and falling asleep soon after, Eddie not far behind. 

* * *

Buck slips out in the morning before Christopher wakes up, and as much as Eddie had dreaded his parents’ last day in Los Angeles, they seem to have given up on him and their efforts to get him to come back to El Paso, at least for now. Relief and disappointment swell within him and before he knows it, they’re piling into their truck, the last of their stuff loaded in the trunk. 

“Have a safe trip back,” he says, bending over to kiss his mom on her cheek. 

“We will,” Helena says, holding his gaze for a moment. “We’ll miss you both.” 

It’s heavy and laden with everything they’ve been trying to say, but he’s tired and allows it to pass over him. He kisses them both one last time and then they’re off.

He watches on as their truck disappears down the street, and despite everything he feels about his parents turning up and turning him inside out, he knows more than anything that this is where he and Christopher are meant to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys liked it! please consider leaving kudos or a comment if you enjoyed it, they really make my day
> 
> i'm @gracieli on tumblr if you wanna say hi!


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